Amazing Spider-Man (Vol. 1) #552 Review

THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #552
TITLE: “Just Blame Spider-Man”
WRITER: Bob Gale
PENCILS: Phil Jimenez
INKS: Andy Lanning
COLORS: Jeromy Cox

PLOT:

“Spider-Man: Serial Killer!” reads the latest DB headline. Mr. Bennet rants about how the Spider-Tracer killings will boost his paper’s circulation before assigning Peter to cover councilwoman Parfrey’s funeral. No press is allowed at the burial, but our hero happily sneaks into the private affair using his powers. While he’s there, he sees Harry’s girlfriend Lily Hollister try to convince her father to replace the dead chick as candidate for mayor.

Later, a drug addict named Freak filches the donation box at Aunt May’s soup kitchen. Spidey catches him, but the thief manages to wriggle free from the webs while our hero deals with officers Gonzales and O’Neil (the duo from “Swing Shift”, last year’s Free Comic Book Day issue [now on sale for $3.99]). Freak accidentally stumbles into Dr. Connors’ laboratory and, mistaking the place for a meth lab, injects himself with experimental animal stem cells. This causes him to mutate into a giant cocoon.

At the mysterious “Bar With No Name”, the Bookie (also from the FCBD issue) takes bets from New York ’s super villains as to when the cocoon will crack and what’s inside. Spidey travels to the cocoon site to get some photos, but his camera runs out of juice just when Freak bursts forth as a hideous, skinless monster.

THOUGHTS:

I’ve never seen more awkward and unreadable dialogue from a professional writer in my life. I usually read these things three times before reviewing them, but groaners like “Uh-oh! Not good. In fact it’s bad! Scratch that. It’s REA LLY bad!” made it difficult to force myself through this ponderous script twice. There’s not a single natural, realistic or witty line.

Although it doesn’t stray to far from a formulaic villain introduction, the central plot is adequate. However, it pushes the same buttons as almost every other issue from the past two months. Prepare for more “Parker Luck” (groan), more of Aunt May fretting over Peter’s safety (yawn), and more of Dexter Bennet getting names wrong (somebody just shoot me now). To bring more depth to month three, Bob Gale could have used the drug theme as a platform to say something constructive about society’s ills like Stan Lee did back in issues #96-98. There’s still time for this to blossom into something as meaningful, but I’m pessimistic.

The characterization reeks too. Now, I don’t expect a guy who sells fraudulent pictures of himself for money to be a paragon of journalistic integrity, but I don’t like Peter Parker abusing his powers to document a private burial. That doesn’t seem to fit in with his responsibility mantra. Dexter Bennet is even worse. He’s only been in a few issues, but his brief appearances have stressed the difference in his managerial style, his attention to the paper’s quality, and his disinterest in Spider-Man. Now he’s suddenly portrayed as an even more obnoxious version of Jonah, right back to slandering Spidey on the front page and ignorant to basic newspaper elements like font sizes. I find it sad that the “Braintrust” can’t even keep their own new characters consistent.

Even though I don’t recommend actually reading it, you might still buy this week’s issue for the pretty pictures. Besides Spider-Man’s ginormous eyes, I almost like Phil Jimenez’s work more than McNiven’s from month one. He makes the book feel edgy and alive, and the bright colors are great too as long as you don’t mind your gritty drug story looking like a pack of Skittles.

FAVORITE BACKGROUND BILLBOARD GAG:

“In-Joke: The Musical!”

RATING:

2 webheads out of 5. If I were a lazy reviewer, I’d make an obvious, predictable joke by using one of Bob Gale’s own lines against him: “In fact it’s bad!” Since I’m not lazy, I’m going to make the obvious, predictable joke AND correct Gale’s punctuation by placing a comma after the conjunctive adverb. In fact, it’s bad!

REVIEWED BY: CrazyChris