AMAZING SPIDER-MAN 700.4 Review

Well, last time we saw one another we discussed a really bad storyline that encompassed the majority of the previous issue. The good news? Part two of two? The bad news? I paid 3.99 for this.
THE BLACK LODGE PART TWO: Voluntary Discharge.
WRITER: Joe Casey ART: Timothy Green
INKS: Walden Wong COLORS: Brad Simpson
LETTERS: VC’s Joe Caramagna
EDITORS Tom Brennan and Ellie Pyle
SENIOR EDITOR: Steve Wacker
EDITOR IN CHIEF: Axel Alonzo
CHIEF CREATIVE OFFICER: Joe Quesada

THREE O’CLOCK HIGH!
WRITER: Clay Mcleod Chapman
ART: Javier Rodriguez

STORY 1: We pick up where we left off last issue. The Hospital has learned of Spider-Man being amongst them. The staff is told what is going on and the not-so-good doctor hatches a contengency plan: Tell the other baddies that there is a superhero among them. While he checks in on Spidey (Who’s Spider-Sense is blaring at this point) he tells him that he is safe. The nurse comes in to check the dressing, and remarks that Spider-Man is now Wolverine from the X-Men. (not really, but close) He is turned on by her presence. Yes. We went there. The Eel and Puffy the Tiger attack him in the hospital, and one of the nurses attempts to bring back Firebrand from the coma and perhaps most fittingly, he combusts and brings the Black Lodge down around them. Peter saves the baddies, removes his bandages and gets home He’s Perfectly fine.

THOUGHTS ON FIRST STORY:
Wow oh Wow oh wow. This is prison ass. Firstly, like a described in the recap, when did Peter get the ability to heal like this? The Other? Spectacular Spider-Man’s Avengers Disassembled Story? Grim Hunt? One More Day? I have read to have read in the last decade and a half the story where his healing is a major plot point, cause you know, comics. The utter lack of respect for the reader here is laughable, and I find it funny that this was even produced at all. It’s a terrible story. The nurse bit reminded me of why I hated Peter Parker’s characterization during the Brand New Day era. This type of childish, immature storytelling by Casey is a large reason as to why I finally have stopped watching Ultimate Spider-Man: The Cartoon. (For those that don’t know, Casey is part of Men of Action.) It screamed every bit of Brandnewverse (as George would call it) crap that leaves an awful taste in my mouth. The saddest thing to me is that as a concept, the reverse night nurse, is an interesting concept. I’d love to see this explored more, but with someone else writing it. The art wasn’t bad either but the writing was abborant. Another thing, Peter doesn’t win in this story, in fact he’s mostly a spectator. He gets his ass handed to him, winds up at the Black Lodge, watches as the dumbass blond nurse blows the place to kingdom come, and then proceeds to just unwrap his mummification wraps and go to bed. WHAT? THIS GOT APPROVED? Kevin Cushing writes a much better Peter Parker for free. Someone got paid to write this and produce it.

STORY#2 we begin with “The Never-ending Beatdown of Casey Mitchell…” at PS 122, where our narrator begins to tell our story. He’s the victim of legitimate bulling, and in a panic upon seeing a Dan Slott-Written Amazing Spider-Man Comic, he proclaims that Spider-Man is going to come beat the jerks up at 3 PM tomorrow. TICK TICK TICK… the hours tick away and he narrowly misses Spidey nabbing a perp. He then enlists someone to pose as Spidey, but fails because of the fact A) the guy can’t even get his name right and B) he’s fat. So he does what any kid would do: Torch an abandoned building. Spidey saves the kid, and the kid cops to the fire. Spidey, having sense, says he won’t help him and that he’s on his own. (LIKE ANY SANE PERSON.) He goes through the day dreading the outcome. He goes to accept his punishment, and then Spidey shows up and tells him to think with his head, unlike when he SET A BUILDING ON FIRE…. anyway, he defeats the bully and all is well…. THOUGHTS: REALLY? REALLY? This is how we do an anti-bulling story? REALLY? (I feel like I’m channeling Joshua Bertone right now.) Like the previous story, we have a novel concept: anti-bulling. What do we do with it? Have a kid commit a felony to achieve the outcome of being saved by Spider-Man (What Iceman was busy to put this thing out? Or Namor? Spider-Man just happened to be in the neighborhood?) and he gets largely a pass. Sure, the moral is there, in the information age, knowledge is power and intelligence gets you a lot farther than brute force, but damn.The artwork, like the last story, was good but nothing spectacular. It didn’t hurt it but it didn’t help it out either. Bullying is a real problem, but this isn’t the way to showcase it by solving a crime that goes unpunished with a worse crime of setting something on fire. (Really getting a theme to this…)
GRADE: Do I have to really say it? F.