Alford Notes: ASM #59 – The End

In this issue – Spider-Man fights Tombstone! That’s it! This is a Friday Night Fight in the making (should George ever start doing those again, that is)!

In this review – Profound literary analysis, clever commentary, and a goodbye to reviewing ASM

Credit Where Credit Is Due

Story Title: 🙁

Writer: Zeb Wells

Pencils: John Romita, Jr

Inker: Scott Hanna

Colorist: Marco Menyz

Letterer: VC’s Joe Caramanga

Cover Artists: John Romita, Jr, Scott Hanna, and Marco Menyz

Asst. Editor: Kaeden McGahey

Editor: Nick Lowe

Published: Oct. 9, 2024

First

My heart goes out to those Crawlspacers to the west of me that got hit with Helene and those to the south of me like my friend SoFlo getting hit with Milton. Stay safe and dry, my friends.

Remedial ASM 101

Tombstone is trying to kill his daughter because she snitched him out to the police. Spider-Man in a tribute to Dikembe Mutombo said, “No, no, no – not today!” and shielded Janice to let her get away. It was fight/chase/fight/chase until Tombstone got irked enough with Spider-Man and defenestrated both the web head and himself as shown on the cover.

The Story – Pay Attention, This Will Be on the Test

Janice runs as fast as she can to get to the subway. Tombstone chases her. Spider-Man interferes. Janice gets away. Tombstone and Spider-Man savagely fight in the subway until finally Spider-Man gets hit by a train while saving Tombstone from getting killed by a train.

What Passed and Failed

PASS – Tombstone’s Brutality! – Look at this image;

Tombstone has never been a draw for me, but this is a brutal monster! This bumps him up on the ranks of villainy in my book and I am here for it all day long. Wells has his faults, but he has elevated this loser character.

PASS – Spider-Man’s Brutality! – Check it out:

I don’t always need Spider-Man to fight back like this, but I feel it is called for and I am here for it!

FAIL – These New Yorkers:

The doors were closing, a woman got yanked out, attacked by a mob boss, then a fight between said mob boss happens and their local neighborhood Spider-Man and yet not a single one of them bat an eye or even care as Janice falls to the floor gasping for her life. Tsk, tsk! If this happened in the South, there would be several people running in to interfere with the fight! It’s like poor Kitty Genovese all over again. (As a side note, Chi-Town texted me and said these passengers reflect his attitude toward this whole run.)

OOTI (Onomatopoeia of the Issue)

On a scale of 1 (POW) to 10 (BLRKBQRKPQRBLNB), CA-CRUNCH! Rates a 3. I am confused by this sound. Is the train ‘crunching’ on the impact or is Spider-Man? My assumption is Spider-Man, but what would indicate a breaking of something, wouldn’t it? Did Spider-Man break his hip?  His back?  Will we see any evidence of this next issue?  Am I over analyzing a simple sound?  Probably.

Research Paper Time

This is a new feature on Alford Notes that I plan on keeping in all future reviews, so let’s give it its own image:

OK, so what we are researching today is how did Lonnie survive this?

I’m reading it and thinking shouldn’t this be an immediate kill here? I remember hearing somewhere that a strike to the nose like this can shove it into the brain and kill a person. So I did what I love to do most – researched it! (And this is why these reviews take so long to write!)

I found my answer on the Internet, so you know it is true, and more specifically on a page titled, “Martial Arts: Myths and Misconceptions,” so it sounds legit. It says:

Subsequent research only verified this take, so I stand corrected. And now you know, and as we all know, knowing is half the battle!

Analysis

Violence – While it might be easy to write off this issue as just a fight, albeit a long fight, there is actually more here for us to assay. Violence, in literature, is often indicative of more than just the violent act itself. For instance, when Anakin Skywalker cuts down those younglings,

it is more than just an act of violence. It shows his character. It shows what he is willing to throw away to get the power he craves and the power to save Padme. Just killing the Jedi is not enough – he has a complicated relationship with them and any act of violence towards them reflects that problematic dynamic. The younglings have done nothing to him. They are innocent and he mows them down. This is a point that he cannot come back from and serves to move him from a protagonist to an antagonist. He is only saved when he gives his life for another child (of sorts). The same can be said of his son when he enters the cave on Dagobah. Notice that Luke draws his weapon first which indicates his first instinct is that of a violent interaction with Darth Vader. He is not ready to be a Jedi and is not in control of his emotions – despite the fact that he “wins” this fight.

So let’s now interpret this issue through that lens and let’s see what this means for each character.

Janice – all of her acts of violence this issue and last issue revolve around her fleeing. This is a marked difference from where she was a few issues ago in Gang War where she was actively courting it. She bit off more than she can chew and knows it. Got her hand burned so to speak. Luckily for her, Randy is willing to accept her back. With this break between her and her father (and her crew who is with him), she will have to either 1. go back to being a low-level criminal, 2. rejoin the Sinister Syndicate, or 3. leave the Beetle behind and enjoy life as a lawyer and with Randy. I find 1 and 2 difficult since she turned on the crime boss of New York to the police and worked with Spider-Man to do so making it doubtful that she would have any allies. Maybe the Sinister Syndicate forgives her, but doubtful. If Tombstone goes down, that could endanger them as well. Her best bet now is #3.

Tombstone – There is desperation here. Tombstone has staked everything on this. The not forgiving his daughter is one thing, but to repeatedly go after her to kill her ramps that up to a whole other level. He has crossed the Rubicon, so to speak.

Let’s consider Lonnie – this is not a spur of the moment event (though some of the reaction is happening on the fly). When he starts, he is a low level thug. He works his way up under Kingpin and later under Hammerhead until the moment comes for him to seize the opportunity during Gang War. We also know that while he is not extremely smart, he has been paying attention and has been able to strategize better and plan out attacks on Spider-Man to put them in a position where he has the advantage. We also know that he will do just about anything for his daughter. Now that he has seized his day and gotten what he has worked so hard to get, the only thing standing in his way is his daughter. Tombstone has made a calculated decision that his dreams of being the crime boss is greater than his love for his daughter. Once he makes this choice, he goes all in.

There is no coming back from this. Maybe Janice will forgive him, probably not. Either he beats Spider-Man and kills Janice or he goes to prison. Once in prison, someone else will claim the crime boss spot and it over. I like this version of Tombstone. His violent attacks on his daughter clearly mark his need for being top man. His violence against Spider-Man is different. He wants to kill Spidey, sure, but after losing Janice to the subway, he knows he is going down. He is a man with nothing left to lose. Killing Spider-Man would salvage some of his reputation. At this point, he does this deed or he is a loser nobody. That is why (and Chi-Town, I’m looking at you here) Spider-Man needs to faint first. Lonnie has to make this decision and in this moment, he could finally kill Spider-Man, but Spider-Man’s efforts to save him wake up that bit inside of him who loves his daughter and who is not a soulless monster. By dropping the rock, he not only admits complete and utter defeat, he steps away from the edge. There will be consequences, but one of those consequences will not be his soul.

Spider-Man – What does the violence in this issue say about Spider-Man? Nothing that we don’t already know about our hero. He doesn’t give up and he always does what is right – even if it means his death. Despite the brutality of his actions (he kicked Tombstone into the side of a moving train and flat out broke his thumbs), he always saves the day.

But we knew this already, so there is nothing to analyze about that. It is, though, super refreshing to see a Spider-Man act like Spider-Man. This is a battle in the same vein as the Kingpin beat down (not the same level of greatness, mind you – that issue is iconic – just of similar nature).

However, the question we must ask, though, is Tombstone a worthy opponent for Spider-Man to fight to the end with? I think some of Chi-Town’s issue with this issue is that he doesn’t feel like Tombstone earns this level of bad-assery. It is a fair argument and I needed to look up strength levels myself to be sure.

We know that Tombstone has tough skin (as hard as diamonds is what he says at one point) and he is able to withstand quite a bit of punishment. It takes Spider-Man wailing on him to put him down – which is does right in front of the subway train. Tombstone lost right there. If the train doesn’t come, Spider-Man webs the dude up and the comic is over before the crucial moment comes for Tombstone to step away from the abyss. We also know that Tombstone can lift 6 tons. To put it in perspective, these are the characters that he is stronger than:

• Iron Fist (750 lbs at full chi)
• Black Panther (800 lbs)
• Kingpin (850 lbs)
• Captain America (1,200 lbs)
• Kraven (2 tons)
• Sabertooth (2 tons)

That should give us a bit of perspective. Spider-Man can lift over 10 tons, so he has the upper hand in this fight, but at 6 tons, that still puts Tombstone in the position to be a threat. Also, we know that despite Peter’s brutality here, he is STILL holding back in efforts to not permanently harm Lonnie, while Lonnie has no such restraints on him.

To even the playing field, Spider-Man is hampered by trying to save Janice. Last issue he often had to take a beating to give her the time to get away, so he’s already been roughed up (but then again, so has Lonnie). The big kicker is starting with the cover – Spider-Man falls at the bare minimum five stories, but most likely more, and lands on his back with Tombstone on top. He survives, but he must be injured terribly by that. I looked it up and for a normal human, a fall from 4 stories (48 feet) has a 50% chance of fatality and a fall from eight or more stories would take a miracle to survive (my search history is weird). We are talking concussion and blood loss at high levels. Despite this, once Tombstone stops chasing Janice, the fight is all Spidey. Sure, it takes Peter to stop holding back in order to do it, but there is no doubt that Spider-Man will win this hard fought battle.

Until the train, that is. Getting hit head on is different that getting kicked into the side of the train. That train is going anywhere between 17 mph and 50 mph (I looked it up). That’s what hits Spider-Man. A train. A freaking subway train. That, Chi-Town, is why Spider-Man faints (but the real reason is above to show Tombstone’s salvation).

I think this fight is well within reason for someone as tough as Tombstone and Spider-Man.

The arc could and probably should end here. We don’t need to see what happens next. The landing has been stuck. Why do we need a follow up issue?

Extra Credit

Some writers come in and take an existing villain to become theirs. Dan Slott did it with Doctor Octopus. Nick Spencer did it with the Boomerang. Wells has done it with Tombstone. Who is the next villain that needs to be focused on?

Final Grade

This issue was flat out awesome. I loved every panel. The only problem I might could find in any of this is the scratching of Tombstone’s eyes, but that happened last issue, so it is not my concern. Plus it looks neat, so at least there is that.

A

What’s Next?

SPECIAL OVERSIZED FINALE! Zeb Wells says goodbye to the AMAZING SPIDER-MAN in style with his collaborators JOHN ROMITA JR., ED McGUINNESS and some other special surprise guests. When one era ends though, another begins as THE EIGHT DEATHS OF SPIDER-MAN gets a special prelude by JOE KELLY!

That cover does look cool, but “Special Oversized Finale” also means “Special Oversized Price”!  But that will be Craig’s cross to bear.

But Wait! There’s More!

Actually, there’s not. Not for me, I mean. This will be my last Alford Notes review.

I’m not leaving due to frustrations with the stories in ASM (though they have been of mediocre quality for most of my run) nor am I angry at Crawlspace or anything. It is merely time. You guys need fresh perspective and I have found that I am starting to dread when my issue comes up, which is a signal for stepping back. I don’t feel like the last several months have been my best work.

I thought about doing a whole chart thing (Evan likes those) showing my grades for all the issues reviewed, but I got lazy. I did, though, go back and reread my first review (ASM #6 in January 2016) and am pleased with the evolution of the format. No OOTI, though. That won’t come until later and wouldn’t have stuck around if Evan didn’t keep commenting on it (thanks Evan!)

Was It Worth More Than…

This is my 171^st review (but I’m going to use Marvel legacy numbering and say this is REVIEW #200! Whoo!), so you figure on average these reviews take about 3-5 hours to write (sometimes longer if I go down a rabbit hole), so let’s settle on 4 and say that I have spent 684 hours (which would be 28.5 days) of my life writing reviews. That also, if you figure $5 an issue, $850 to do so. So, was reading and reviewing all of these issue preferable to something else I could spend $850 on? Something like…

This chess set made of actual camel bone? Well, it’s tough, but I’m going to have to side with writing these reviews and interacting with all of you fine people. Plus the board is sold separately…

But in all seriousness – why have I done this for eight (almost nine) years now? Well, to start with, I was doing Cobwebs articles and Brad asked me to try my hand at reviewing. I had no idea where that would take me and I certainly didn’t think that I would be sitting here almost a decade later still cranking them out (shoot, when he told me to review Amazing Grace, I didn’t think it would last past a year…). The number one factor by far as to why I’ve stayed with it is you.

The interactions on the front page make all the time worth it. You guys are great and some of you have been with me the entire run. I love reading every comment more that I love reading Spider-Man. Even the long twenty-paragraph rants by Big Al back in the day (whatever happened to him?). Even the Evan/Hornacek Shawshank Redemption quote battles that had nothing to do with the actual issue (for you two, I will go back and rewatch that movie to see if I appreciate it more now than I did when I watched it way back when). You guys make putting up with Chi-Town worth it. You want to show love to the Crawlspace, always leave a comment – the writers appreciate it!

What’s the number 2 factor? Keys to the Crawlspace beach house! Here’s a picture (I only get the third week of February and the second week of November, but still worth it):

I won’t be reviewing, but I won’t be gone either. You’ll see me commenting on Craig’s reviews and whoever else Brad gets to replace me. I will also be going back to writing Cobwebs. That was my first gig here and the one that I have the most fun doing (even if no one reads them). I think my first one back will be about the Angry Girlfriend Variant. I hope to see you there as well.

So thank you to Neal, Chi-Town, Ryan, and Craig for sharing this experience with me and to BD for giving me the chance and not firing me along the way. But most of all, thank you to everyone who ever took the time to read one of my reviews and doubly so if you commented on it.

So I will leave you with this last bit I’ve been waiting eight (almost nine) years to use again:

 

 

 

 

 

 

Deb Whitman not in this issue.

 

 

‘Nuff Said!