If you ever sat around thinking, “Boy, it sure is a good thing that White Rabbit doesn’t have vampiric powers to use when trying to kill my favorite web-slinging hero,” then have I got bad news for you! That’s right, WHITE RABBIT is trading those bunny buck teeth in for a set of fangs and poor Peter is in for a nightmare of Bram Stoker proportions! Never fear, though! I, Mark Alford, descendant (twice removed) of the one and only Dr. Van Helsing, will be here to guide you through to the end of the issue. This issue contains deadly creatures of the night and is not suitable for young children, women, or frail men. You have been warned.
Credit Where Credit Is Due
Story Title: Blood Hunt Tie-In
Writer: Zeb Wells
Pencils: John Romita, Jr
Inker: Scott Hanna
Colorist: Marco Menyz
Letterer: VC’s Joe Caramanga
Cover Artists: John Romita, Jr, Scott Hanna, and Marco Menyz
Asst. Editor: Kaeden McGahey
Editor: Nick Lowe
Published: 8 May 2024 (I wrote it that way for my British friends)
This review is now equipped with patented click technology we like to call Crawl-Click. Try it out below:
“It will have blood, they say. Blood will have blood.”*
-Macbeth
Remedial ASM 101 FCBD Issue
For Free Comic Book Day*, Marvel released Blood Hunt #1 which was written by Jed MacKay and has a nice bit of Spider-Man along with several other characters who will presumably have tie-ins. Spidey is fighting someone named Doctor Dark, but Spidey keeps calling him Dotor Dork until the guy vomits up black stuff and disappears in a black tornado. Reed Richards believes that something is going on with the Darkforce Dimension (but to be fair, he only thinks that because Sue pointed him to the obvious dark stuff coming out of the sky). Daredevil is cold. Dracula approaches Blade’s daughter to ask for her help to save the world from… *checks notes* vampires.
The first American vampire was in 1892 with a 19 year-old girl from Rhode Island named Mercy Brown. Her mother and older sister contracted tuberculosis and died. Mercy did too and died shortly after. The last remaining family member, her brother Edwin, also contracted it. The doctors were sure it was a case of vampirism and figured one of the unalived women were the cause. They exhumed* the mom and she looked pretty much like you would expect her to look after being dead that long, so obviously she was not the culprit. Neither was the sister. Mercy, however, was easier to examine as she had been stored in an above-ground crypt and low and behold, she had not decomposed in the two months since her death. In fact, her liver still had red blood in it which meant beyond a shadow of a doubt* that she was the cause of the deaths. So, they took her heart and liver and burned it, took the ashes and mixed it with water to make a tonic for Edwin to drink. Believe it or not, the young man was healed*. This started the New England Vampire panic and was recorded in newspapers. Years later, upon Bram Stoker’s death, they found a clipping of that article in his collection. This may have been an inspiration for his book Dracula.
The Story – Pay Attention, This Will Be on the Test
Kareem, who for some reason has a yarmulke tattooed on his bald head (I can only guess he stands with Israel?), goes looking for the White Rabbit who was shaking down a bodega owner for protection money only to find the bodega owner had been turned into a vampire and in turn, turned White Rabbit into a vampire. Spidey is out in the streets fighting vampires and dropping exposition for us so that we know morning didn’t come and the vampires are out in force. He’s enjoying a little light undead punching therapy session when he gets a text message from some unknown caller trying to get Peter to find Spidey. Turns out, it was Kareem who, after trying everyone else, is hoping that Spider-Man, being a bonafide hero and all, will help him save White Rabbit by killing the vampire that vampired her into becoming a vampire. Of course he does, fights off an attack from White Rabbit-ula, and reaches the blood-sucking bodega owner – who is self handcuffed to the radiator for fear of harming anyone else. Despite welcoming death to end this undeath of his, Spidey refuses thinking he could still save him. Kareem, though uses Spider-Man’s distraction to stake the man through the heart, which not only saves White Rabbit, but also himself as he reveals that he had been bitten too, but had not yet turned. Spider-Man is irritated that he was duped into being a part of a murder(?). Spidey leaves and finds that yelling “Stop it!” does not seem to work on vampires and runs into the Lizard, who doesn’t look vampiric, but really, who could tell?
What Passed and Failed
PASSED – The Rats – I just thought it was funny and it reminded me of First Blood when Rambo is in that flooded mine and freaks out because of rats.
FAILED – HSSSSSS – I got a little tired of all the vampires hissing. Are they part snake? Part lizard? Is that why the Lizard is in the end of this issue?
OOTI (Onomatopoeia of the Issue)
On a scale of 1 (POW) to 10 (BLRKBQRKPQRBLNB), GAK! receives a 0.
A zero? That’s not even on the scale above. But dear readers, I am protesting the onomatopoeias in this issue because not only are they they all are weak, but there is no onomatopoeia for when the bodega owner gets stabbed through the heart other than him saying GAK!. Really? You give me CH-CHNK for a chain on a radiator, but not SQUIKSH! (or something better) for a good old staking? You deserve that 0.
While many people believe Vlad Dracul to be Stoker’s inspiration* for Dracula, scholar Raymond McNally posits that the source could have been Countess Elizabeth Bathory. This woman killed upwards of 650 young girls so that she could bath in their blood* in order to keep her skin looking young and beautiful. There are a lot of parallels to her and the character of Dracula – many more than Vlad has. Vlad has the name, though, got to give him credit for that.
Analysis
The issue is a fun issue and much more enjoyable than I thought a tie-in would be. It tells its own story with a beginning, middle, and end, which is a huge plus*. As far as impact to the Spidey mythos, there is little. However, that is not a bad thing. Not every story needs to be a six-part everything-you-know-is-a-lie type event.
Kareem continues to not disappoint. If we want to get nit-picky, which I actually don’t this time, we could argue that Kareem is the one who does all the work. He is the one who saves Spider-Man from White Rabbit (though it is arguable that Spider-Man was not in real danger from her) and it is he that solves the vampire problem of this issue in his own particular idiom*. However, to go down that road solves nothing. The story is funny and Kareem and Spider-Man have good banter. It’s something that Wells has done right all along during his run. I am sure, though, that when he leaves, Kareem will be seen no more, which is a shame.
Some might be upset that Peter Parker, other than in dialogue, is not present in this book. I’ll grant you that. However, the situation being what it is with all of this happening in one night…err…morning, there was not really a need for him to change into Peter Parker. I imagine that if I were to continue reading the Blood Hunt tie-ins*, I would see more of Peter in this as he navigates how a city of vampires affects his supporting cast.
We do get a quick check in on MJ and Randy, which is nice. Even Aunt May and Aunt Anna are mentioned (though it is only as the Aunts so screw you Wells for not even mentioning May by name). As long as MJ is in the picture, even tangentially, we can take it as a clue that she will be coming back in some way, shape, or form into Peter’s life.
Extra Credit
Give me a better stake through the back and into the heart and coming out the front onomatopoeia and by that I mean better than the bad one I gave and not just better than the nonexistent one Wells and Romita didn’t give.
Well, not a fact, but can’t pass up a chance to share this with you.
Final Grade
It’s good enough for a one-shot interruption of the main title. Does it do it’s job to make me interested in reading more? No. But to be fair, it would take a lot to make me want to pick up a large scale event title. Leaving me with the Lizard was certainly not the way to do it.
C
But Wait! There’s More!
Congrats to our good friend Bruce who got yet another letter published. This is looking like that while Peter Norbot may be the Mark Sprintz of the letters pages, Bruce is quickly becoming the Michael Phelps.
What’s Next?
GUESS WHO’S BACK?! THE GREEN GOBLIN RETURNS in this landmark and massive issue of ASM that boasts not only a double-sized main story but some instant Spider-Man classics by legends and legends to be! The Sins of Norman Osborn have found their way home and Norman shows his true color — green. But is it truly that simple? Spidey and Gobby’s brutal fight is one for the ages and you don’t want to miss this ending. PLUS! MARV WOLFMAN RETURNS TO SPIDER-MAN! NIKESH SHUKLA tells a story that will stay with you for a long time. And more!
I can tell you right now how a future text chain is going to go down:
Craig: Are we supposed to review Spider-Man Bloodhunt #1?
Mark: Nope.
Craig: But I think Brad will want us to.
Mark: Brad can jump in a lake. I covered that Amazing Grace for him. I’m done.
Craig: You always say that. You can’t just say that every time.
Mark:
Craig: I see your point. OK. I might do it then.
Mark: Knock yourself out.
‘Nuff Said!
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Not a fan of the new Craw-Click: it works once and then no more (unless I clear the cookies, that is).
And yes, I know I’m two weeks late.
@Dark Mark:
Do you mean this?
https://marvel.fandom.com/wiki/Laynia_Petrovna_(Earth-616)
@Hornacek – It’s a dark star
There is a star next to “Mark Alford” but your last comment is from “Dark Mark” and there is no star.
@Hornacek – I’m sure it means I am favored by Brad Douglas. That or it is because I am the author of the post. I’m pretty sure it’s the former, though.
@Mark Alford:
This sounds like the most likely answer.
Also, I just noticed that there is a star to the left of your name in the comments. What’s up with that?
@Evan Helsing:
One of the YouTube comments for that video says that it sounds like the voice of Megatron (?) and someone replies that they think it’s Frank Welker.
Yup! According to Wikipedia: “The voice of the character was provided by the American voice actor Frank Welker in the original public service announcements and while hosting the ABC Weekend Special. However, in several of the animated specials, such as Cap’n O. G. Readmore Meets Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, his voice was provided by Neil Ross.”
This clip ends with an intro to a Scooby-Doo and Scrappy-Doo intro, which reminds me that ABC used O.G. Readmore as an intro to many of their Sat morning cartoons. Also, this Scooby-Doo episode was written by Paul Dini!
Hey, I found him! He sounds to me like he could be Frank Welker.
https://youtu.be/81Ut93pPkis?si=I2SLtOBVGNNivywC
@Evan and Hornacek – I think we can all agree that in all likelihood I wrote “Spencer” and Chi-Town, in a moment or rare brilliance, accessed the dashboard and changed my comment. I’m not even mad this time. I’m glad to see him being creative.
@Evan Helsing:
Captain O.G. Readmore was the animated host of the ABC Weekend Specials show – he indeed was an animated cat that swung around and encouraged reading, which is how every episode started. He would discuss the book that the episode was based on.
@Hornacek — I wasn’t going to mention “Nick Spenser,” but I’m glad you saw it. Mark is so magnanimous in giving us all a chance to feel helpful, isn’t he? He’s probably just testing us.
I remember Captain O.G. Readmore! At least, I remember his commercials. Wasn’t he an animated cat that swung around on a shelf ladder in a library? I even remember his voice. I didn’t realize that was in Canada, as well. Too bad he didn’t inspire me to actually read more at the time.
Mark, I hope you don’t abandon the Crawl-Clicks — I think they’re great. Give it at least one more try, unless it was a hassle to put together. And I never knew that onomatopoeia could be spoken in that way. Thank you for that!
@Mark Alford:
It’s funny that in a post where you mention correcting a spelling mistake you mention “Nick Spenser”.
@Mark and @Evan:
I missed Evan’s Bunnicula mention in his earlier comment – I too thought of that vampire-rabbit. I was introduced to him not through the book but by his episode on the ABC Weekend Specials show which aired every Saturday after all of the regular cartoons (1pm AST). Host by Cap’n O. G. Readmore, this anthology show had episodes that were either animated or live action 30 minute stories, and one of them was Bunnicula, the Vampire Rabbit. Good times.
@Evan, Hornacek, Chi-Town
Evan – So embarrassed I slipped on yarmulke. Thanks – I fixed it now – wait, I mean, I had it right all along and you can look back up at the post and see that you were obviously mistaken… Krr-SPLENCH! Gets a 8.5. Awesome onomatopoeia! Love the combine lower and upper case action you got going on there. I looked it us several issues ago back when Nick Spenser was so soundless in his run where the only onomatopoeia was “shhh”. Sounds made by the human voice that are not clearly words, even if the sound has meaning, is an onomatopoeia. So now we all know something new and that just raises this issue’s grade a half a letter, I guess. I can see your Norbot and Panibot confusion, since Norbot causes so much pain, but Ryan Read is the true Painbot of the Crawlspace because he subjects himself to so much pain by reviewing EVERYTHING. As far as watching this event end, I’m glad that it doesn’t seem to be interrupting ASM other than this issue, so if you’ve got to do it, this is the way to do it. And I thought of Bunnicla as well! You know what they say about great minds!
Hornacek – Hmmm… Might have to get the Crawlspace IT guys on that. I used the same process for all of the Crawl-Clicks, so maybe it will just have to be abandoned. 🙁
Chi-Town – I stopped reading your comment at “hour” and can only assume the rest is as flattering. Thanks, buddy!
@Hornacek – Yep, that was exactly my experience. Those two must have had some coding that differed from the others, somehow.
@Evan Helsing:
The first one worked, and the one about the plus-flag. But most (all?) of the others didn’t. Usually in Chrome when I click a link and it blocks a popup there’s an icon that changes at the far right of the address bar which you can click and it says “popups are blocked for this site” and it gives you the option of allowing popups for this site temporarily or permanently. But this didn’t happen for any of the Crawl-Clicks on this review.
So the issue…. “sucked”. Blah BLAH!
Great review Mark. No worries, it’s okay, the Crawl-Click is in it’s beta stage, I’m sure you’ll work out the kinks to it. As always, “Your review is exactly what the Crawlspace and honestly, all Spidey fans need in this dark hour. It provides entertainment, education, and Spidey wisdom. Something that all readers should crap on.. ” *squints at the writing on the card he’s reading off of* “..CAP ON!”
Hmmm..how that “R” get in there?
@Hornacek – Yeah, the first Crawl-Click worked for me, as did the one under the Vampire Fun Fact linked to “…Stoker’s inspiration.” All the others did not until I allowed pop-ups and refreshed the browser. Then all of them worked. It was strange. But, hey, you and I use the same browser.
I was surprised with the turn this issue took. For the first half Spidey is fighting the vampires and just seems to be knocking them out, they’re monsters and villains, yadda-yadda-yadda. But when confronted by Kareem about having to actually kill one of them to save White Rabbit, and then that vampire tells him “I locked myself up so I won’t hurt anyone else, please kill me before I do it again.” it’s like Spidey just realized “Oh wait, these aren’t villains I’m fighting – they’re innocent people turned into monsters. This isn’t their fault. Killing them would solve the problem, but at what cost?”
I don’t blame Kareem for what he did, but Spidey might feel like he was used by Kareem into helping commit murder.
The first Crawl-Click worked fine for me – it opened the image no problem. But the next few ones did not work at all. If I right-clicked them and selected “Open image in new tab” it worked then. But just clicking on them normally didn’t work – I didn’t even get the “Chrome is blocking popups” notification.
The big problem with this issue is that most of the ASM readers aren’t reading Blood Hunt. So #48 ends with a normal New York/world. Then #49 starts with vampires everywhere, and the situation isn’t resolved by the end (obviously, since Blood Hunt is a 4 (?) issue mini-series). But from what I’ve heard, #50 is going to start after BH is over with no vampires running around (let me know if I’m wrong about this), even though if you’re reading BH #2, #3, etc the world is still overrun with vampires.
That’s the problem with having a big event that changes the entire city/world status quo – if you don’t change that quo in all the other comics then it lessens the event’s impact because once we start to read #50 we know that BH is going to resolve itself and everything will go back to normal since #50 will start with Spidey saying “Man, that was crazy with all the vampires trying to take over.
Good thing that’s over with. I won’t say how it was resolved but now back to my regular adventures.” (with an editor’s note saying “If you want to know how the vampires were defeated, keep reading Blood Hunt and all its tie-ins).
At least when Marvel had Legion go back in time and accidentally kill Professor X and rewrite X-Men history they actually cancelled all (?) of the X-Men book and relaunched them in Age of Apocalypse versions. But even then, all the non-mutant books were unaffected/unchanged by this event, so even that event had this same problem.
This isn’t a fault with this issue, just events in general. Rant over.
@Mark – An Amazing Grace reference! It’s the gift that keeps on giving. I also love any excuse to put a Bugs Bunny reference into a review.
Sometimes I get Norbot and Painbot confused, but I think I’ve got it straight now.
I love the Crawl-Click® technology. I had to enable pop-ups in my browser, since nothing was happening at first, but they worked like a charm after that. And they’re just like comic book captions. Nicely done.
I might be wrong, but I don’t think “GAK” even counts as onomatopoeia because it’s spoken, rather than a sound that, say, the throat is making. It’s also a squishy toy made by Nickelodeon (https://www.ebay.com/p/2136418714).
I’m pretty sure if I were stabbed in the heart through the back with a wooden stake, it would make a sound like “Krrr-SPLENCH!” (You’ve got to take into account any potential skeletal resistance as well as loudness/volume, after all.)
I was about to Google “Yakama” until I realized that you may have meant “yarmulke.” Yeah, I know it’s sort of pronounced differently than it’s spelled, so it’s an understandable mistake.
I was probably the only one, but the entire time I was reading this review I was thinking of Bunnicula.
I guess I enjoy a vampire story as much as the next person, but I still think this is one of those events I’d like to see end already so we can get back to Goblin-type stuff, even if that’s not what the Winkler Device is for. Although, maybe Mary Jane will turn into a vampire or Miles will actually put his fancy sword to good use.