The Chi-Town Breakdown: ASM #13 LGY#907

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THE GIST OF IT…:  …in ASM. Zeb Wells and Nick Lowe decided to romantically pair up Peter and Felicia after Nick Spencer left, couldn’t think of a logical way to split up Peter and MJ again (because WHY would you?!), so they said “I know! Let’s jump ahead six months later have MJ leave Peter for reasons unexplained, give her some kids and a new beau, and we’ll figure out what the heck happened in between later next year. Let’s just have unearned fun!”  Editorial approves of this idea because they don’t understand the characters all that well and just wants to sell books. Peter becomes a “man child” who ignores his responsibilities and is mostly “hated” throughout the superhero community. Aunt May is angry at Peter. Why? We don’t know. And then she forgives him. For what? We still don’t know. However, the super villains in this book have completely amplified their game and have become more deadly to Spider-Man which is basically the high side of this book.  If you are thinking that this is BND 2.0, you are not too far off on that assumption…

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(Writer) Zeb Wells
(Artist) John Romita Jr.
(Colorist) Marcio Menyz
(Letterer) VC’s Joe Caramagna
(Editor) Nick Lowe
(EIC) C.B. Cebulski
Date Released 11/9/2022
Issue Number #13  LGY #907
Price Tag: $4.99

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STORY:   Peter is sparring with two Hobgoblins and easily gets outmatched, despite wearing his new Spider-Suit, I know I’m surprised as much as you are 🙄.  Norman watches from the hospital bed and he doesn’t want to intervene, but he feels that he must.  He morphs into his Gold Goblin suit like a Power Ranger off panel and easily beats out the two Hobgoblins and saves Peter.  He almost crosses the line, but our UNMASKED Spider-Man stops him.  Betty is concerned that Ned will face punishment for being the Hobgoblin even though he was under control of Winkler Device which has mysteriously disappeared!  Spoiler alert, it hasn’t.  Kingsley took it and uses it on himself, revealing the TRUE manipulator, Queen Goblin (clone of Dr. Ashley Kafka)

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THE BREAKDOWN:

• Beaten and Unmasked
• Norman
• Kafka
• Action
• Nitpicks
• Grade

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BEATEN AND UNMASKED:   Is it me?  Or are you seeing a theme here as well.  I’ve heard that writers like to beat down on Spider-Man.  They consider that a “relatable” feature in the character, when it comes to daily ordinary problems.  Bills, Relationships, Job, Family Issues, ect…  Wells is taking a very DIFFERENT method, not only is he beating on Peter emotionally, but PHYSICALLY as well.  First Tombstone, The Vulture, and now TWO HOBGOBLINS are throwing him more a beatdown than ever.  JRJR art really highlights that!
Am I reading “The Amazing Punching-Bag”?  The villain’s of this book have become very deadly!  Peter’s spider-powers are the only thing that are keeping him alive.  He usually comes out with a win in the end, but rounds one and two are going to his rouge gallery and he has the scars to prove it!  Now, I’m not complaining, but I would like to see Spider-Man fight back and bit more. He should be able to dish out as much as he can take.  We want to be able to cheer for our hero, not pity him.  I can’t see myself reading this book saying “Spidey is getting his ass kicked!  I can totally relate to that!”.  He’s getting outside help again to win his battles, which is something we at the Crawlspace, don’t want to see.  Also, he’s been unmasked.  Make a mask out of webbing or something to hide your secret identity, Web-Head.

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NORMAN:  We all saw this coming.  The Green Goblin is slowly yet surely coming back.  In fact, I have a strong suspicion that the split personality of the Green Goblin has surfaced.  “Cleansed” Norman may be calling the shots, but I think the Goblin personality is hiding in the shadows of Norman’s mind, just buying his time.  Norman may even be aware of it to.  He may fear it so much that he’s doing everything in his power to keep Goblin at bay while still utilizing what the Goblin has to offer.  Norman didn’t want to put on the suit when Peter fought The Vulture, because he knew what would happen if he did.  Whatever it is, the Hobgoblin brought it out which was all part of the plan.

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KAFKA:   So the person behind of of this blackmailing and Hobgoblin scheme is Queen Goblin herself.  The question is why.  We already know that the “sins of Norman Osborn” are flowing through her butter milked biscuit veins (clone joke) thanks to Maxine Danger.  So what’s the purpose to go after Osborn?  I don’t think Ashley is going after him just because she’s a goblin now.  I think the “sins” are steering the wheel and pressing on the gas to get back to their original host.  It would definitely make this story a bit more compelling than some ego tripping baddie showing the original that there’s a new Goblin in town.  They will confront each other in Dark Web, so we’ll see how that plays out.

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“Bug” Peter’s Spider-Glider sadly met his demise.

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NITPICKS:

• The cover.  Who is saving who from the Hobgoblins again? 
• Kingsley and Leeds are both being mind controlled.  I still would have loved to see more of them fighting each other after Kingsley betrayed Ned.  
• I know his face is been badly scorched, but COVER UP YOUR FACE “SPIDER-MAN”.
• Norman had bandages on his face in the hospital…yet after the fight, no cuts or bandages.  I’M JUST SAYING.

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GRADE:   Giving this one a B-.  It’s finally nice (no matter how predictable all of us saw it) to actually see the curtain pulled back .  Confirming who the Hobgoblin’s were and why they acted this way.  Confirming that Queen Goblin was behind all of it.  Seeing the evil side of Norman Osborn starting to peek out a bit more.  However, Spidey continues to get his ass beat to a bloody pulp.  This issue was action packed and JRJR art had A LOT influence behind the script that Wells wrote, so it does keep you inside the story.  I’m still not happy with this run and I think a lot of us feel the same way.  It’s the mystery that’s really bugging us and we just want the answers…speaking of which…

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NICK LOWE/LETTER’S SECTION:

Blue Collar comedian, Bill Engvall has described that people used the word “Awesome” incorrectly at times.  Webster’s Dictionary has acknowledged that there is an overuse of the word “Awesome”, potently discrediting it’s meaning to leave someone in “awe and wonder”.  Winning the lottery…twice.  That would be a more and appropriate meaning of the word compared to, eating a very delicious sandwich, calling it “Awesome” because you were starving.    So I started to think, Crawlspacers.  What in the world would be “Awesome” to our beloved Chi-Town Spidey?  What would leave ME in “awe and wonder” and at the same time leave our beloved Dark Mark in “frustration and confused”.  I have already been in the letter’s section in the Amazing Series…

You may have seen them.  I thought I list it out with Dark Mark’s reaction to all of them before arriving to the point.  He deserves some spotlight every now and then.

1. The Amazing Spider-Man: Renew Your Vows (Volume 1) #2
   This was Pre-Crawlspace days.  I FIRST Spidey issue my letter was published in.  I was really excited that day.  It was a breathe of fresh air given the state that ASM was in.
2. The Amazing Spider-Man (Volume 5) #5
   It was the first time Dark Mark was excited and happy for me.  I suppose he can cheer me on, from time to time.  Of course, like myself, Mark thought that Nick Spencer’s run was of great things yet to come so it’s easy to get overly excited.
3. The Amazing Spider-Man (Volume 5) #14
   Jokingly, I was blamed by Nick Lowe for the “lack of letter’s section”.  He only confirmed that because I instigated it in the letter that I wrote because Dark Mark was whining about the lack there of and blamed me for it.  I even mentioned my fellow crawl spacing conspirator in the letter.  Talk about ungrateful…
4. The Amazing Spider-Man (Volume 5) #26
   Mark has given into the green eyed monster.  Hey, it happens!  I get it.  Here, he swears that I have an inside connection….  Dude, if I had a inside connection, ASM would not be in the state that it is in right now.
5. The Amazing Spider-Man (Volume 5) #38
   In this one, Mark seems very annoyed that this has become a thing.  He stated that he would  “have to write in to complain”.  I tell ya, what a guy.  I HAVEN’T seen HIS complaint PUBLISHED yet, or any other letter from him for that matter.  Maybe it got lost in the mail.
6. The Amazing Mary Jane #6
   Of course I need to be in the letter’s section of everyone favorite red head!  That led to a friendship with artist Carlos Gomez!  Dark Mark wasn’t too thrilled about it, but it’s fine.  He can go and get on the letter’s section when there’s a mini-series on..*snickers* Deb Whitman..like that’ll ever happen..
7. The Amazing Spider-Man (Volume 5) #50
   “YET ANOTHER STINKING LETTER FROM THAT CHI-TOWN”  Now my letters stink?!  Wow, “Buddy”.  Fine, I just won’t write it anymore!!!
8. The Amazing Spider-Man (Volume 6) #1
   Apparently, that didn’t work.  Whether I write it or not, I STILL get mentioned in the letter’s section! 😂  Yes I am that “One Particular Chicagoan” that didn’t like where this new direction is going, still don’t!  Yet, there I am.  Mark on the podcast, stated that it’s not me that Lowe is referring to, you can tell at this point that Mark is in denial.
9. The Amazing Spider-Man (Volume 6) #5
   Why Mark is comparing me to Dan Slott time management Twitter Posting/Meeting Deadline priorities is beyond me.  This coming from a man who has been late or he just plain FORGOT it was his turn on the shift to review.  At least he was nice to Javi, who happened to have his letter published in the same comic as me!  It’s nice to be on the same page with another Crawlspacer.

…So what would be AWESOME?  How about reaching the double digits era of my letter’s being published.

10. The Amazing Spider-Man (Volume 6) #13

I tell ya, this should be a question on Spider-Jeopardy.  “How many letter’s did Chi-Town Spidey publish in The Amazing Spider-Man comic?”  Maybe George will squeeze that in there as the final jeopardy question. I’ve very humbled and honored that I have reached the double digits and honestly never thought I get this far!

Not much is gained on what Lowe dropped as “news”.  We already know that answers that will be revealed come early of 2023 and we already know MJ is referring to a responsibility that IS hers, we are just at a point where we don’t think it’ll be rewarding for the reader.  At least we know a little bit more on Paul.  “It’s not that Paul doesn’t want MJ to talk to Peter…”  It’s something, but not enough.  I had this whole theory that maybe Mary Jane was a genie that was being controlled by Paul as that idea from waaaay out in left field, made this run a tad more sense.  Doesn’t look like that’s the case.

I’m SURE, Mark will chime in his two cents on this letter in the comments below and I can only imagine it’s something…

..like this.

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That does it for me folks!  Dark Mark will be back to fill you in on ASM #14!  It’s the Dark Web Prelude Issue!  Those are Mark’s favorite issues to cover.