Oh no! Spidey in danger! Will he be able to escape in time? Plus, he must fight Digger and White Rabbit according to the cover, so that will be fun, right? We’ll find out why plus a way too details explanation of Spidey’s powers in this issue’s review! Read on, friends!
Credit Where Credit Is Due
Story Title: I Love It When a Plan Comes Together (ok, that’s not really the title – I was hoping this trend of not titling issues would end after Beyond, but apparently no one in the Spidey Office can get off their rears and title the issue… So you know what to do, people! Give me you title choice in the comments!)
Writer: Zeb Wells
Pencils: John Romita, Jr
Inker: Scott Hanna
Colorist: Marco Menyz
Letterer: VC’s Joe Caramanga
Cover Artists: John Romita, Jr, Scott Hanna, and Marco Menyz
Asst. Editor: Lindsey Cohick and Kaeden McGahey
Editor: Nick Lowe
Published: June 22, 2022
Remedial ASM 101
Spider-Man was trapped by Tombstone, who revealed his whole plan. If only Spider-Man could find a way to break free in time to save everyone…
The Story – Pay Attention, This Will Be on the Test
Black Cat busts in on MJ and her daughter at bed time looking for Peter. MJ doesn’t know where Peter is, so that is that. Spider-Man, meanwhile is about to die, well… The henchmen are taking their time doing the deed until Kareem (Spidey saved him from a burning car two issues ago) bursts in and save him. Spidey then gets free and goes upstairs to kick the rears of all the Tombstone men dressed as Rose goons – which he does, except he learns that he is not actually kicking Tombstone’s men’s butts, but rather clearing out the Rose and all his goons for Tombstone. Making him feel much like Ralphie upon learning his decoder ring was just an advertisement.
Tombstone and Robbie and happy to sit together and embrace the upcoming nuptials of their children.
What Passed and Failed
PASS – Lots of Spidey and Villain interaction
FAIL – Gang war over already?
FAIL – Misleading cover! I feel like I was duped too! Wait a minute, it tricked me like Spidey was tricked! Change that to a PASS! (I’m feeling generous today)
OOTI (Onomatopoeia of the Issue)
On a scale of 1 (POW) to 10 (BLRKBQRKPQRBLNB), THSSST rates a… I’m torn. On the one hand, I like that the web shooter is making a different sound for the different type of webbing. On the other hand, if it is not going to go THWIP, I want it Ditko old style:
By the way, if you want more wacky AF15 stuff, just go here for it all. So the rating? I’m going with 4. Missed opportunity for WHIZZZZT.
Analysis
Tombstone Trouncing Spider-Man – OK, so I am anticipating that some of you are a bit… dissatisfied… with the seemingly ease in which Tombstone handles Spider-Man.
I am willing to take on that endeavor! I thought it was brilliant and I did the research (because of course I did) to back it up. (*Note* I go a little long, so I’ve included background music while you read)
First off, if we want Spidey to be a street-level villain, then he needs to be challenged by a street-level villain. It does, however, need to be a legitimate challenge, and I believe it is and will show that in a minute, but I wanted to reset your mind for a minute for those of you who immediately dismissed it because he is Tombstone.
Let’s check the tell of the tape.
This is from the official Marvel website (I just mashed the two together). What is the take away? One is that you may not have known that Tombstone’s strength is on par with Spider-Man’s. So when you see Tombstone hurting Spidey with his punches, that’s because he is!
So, just how strong is Spider-Man? Well, that’s a bit tough to say. If we are to believe that he has the proportional strength of a spider, we can figure it out with a little math. Spiders can lift up to 50 times their own body weight. Yes, yes, I know that this I because they are little and real science doesn’t work quite like this, but science in 616 does. Ok, Let’s say Peter Parker weighs around 200 pounds (probably less, but I want to make myself feel better, so let’s go with it). That means, using Stan Lee’s standard, he can lift about 10,000 pounds (which is 5 tons – the US kind, not the stupid metric kind). Over the years, though, we see him lifting more than that. He lifted a train car once (approximately 20 tons) and once, in an effort to say Jay and Aunt May, he calculates he holds up the weight of a private jet at around 115,000 pounds (57.5 tons). He was using his whole body on that one. The big kicker is “If This Be My Destiny” where he lifts Doc Ock’s machinery. The Imaginary Axis calculates this at 24 tons, but Peter says it weighs more than a locomotive, so that puts it somewhere in the range of 130 tons. Those are extremes with Aunt May’s life on the line.
Let’s pull back a moment and remember that he is NOT at his peak performance at the moment and go with the standard Stan Lee assessment of 5 tons for the sake of our argument. After all, not even Michael Phelps breaks his world records every time he swims.
Again to the stats – the other key figure here is intelligence. Spidey clearly has the victory. So how did he get outsmarted? Well, take this awareness test:
Do not keep reading. You must watch that video before continuing.
Peter is feeling off his game and very cocky when it comes to Tombstone (as we can see in his encounter earlier when he entered Tombstone’s car as Peter). He is not looking for Tombstone to make the smart play, so goes in thinking it will be just a standard slugfest. Tombstone, though, planned this all out. He is at the top of his game and he took the time and effort to plan it out. As a former coach, I can tell you that effort can trump natural talent, especially when the talent is full of themselves. Let’s not forget that he also has the White Rabbit, who not only has a doctorate, but also used to have a relationship with Arcade. She knows a things or two about restraints and traps because she’s seen a thing or two.
Spider-Man makes the classic blunder. No, not that one. He fights Tombstone on Tombstone’s terms. It’s how Spidey beat Firelord oh so long ago. Tombstone get Spider-Man in an enclosed area, thus taking away room to move, which negates Spider-Man’s fighting skills advantage. Once he does that, he is able to get him in the squeeze. Notice Tombstone’s high durability rating. He can take a beating from Spidey and outlast him in the time it takes to squeeze Spider-Man into unconsciousness.
Now, I know what you are saying – what about the chains? Spidey breaks out of those all the time!
Let’s remember that not all chains are equal. Since we know that Tombstone is planning this out, he would have taken the time to get the strongest chain he could get. Chains have a grade, and we can assume this would be the highest grade – 120. Those in the above picture? A puny 80 grade at best. Grade 120 are used for lifting super heavy objects. Spider-Man supposes that it is titanium (probably because it sounds stronger, but titanium is no stronger than steel just lighter – let’s just go with it). What we need to consider here is the tensile strength, since that is the measurement of being able to snap and pull apart the metal. Titanium has tensile strength of 63,000 PSI. That’s 3.5 tons per square inch. And these chains are pretty thick.
Now, you are sitting there all smug thinking that he can lift 5 tons and that supersedes the tensile strength. Not so fast. First, factor in that the chain is short. There is no wiggle room behind his back. On top of that, his feet are connected to his wrists in a way to completely negates his leg strength. Spidey has no leverage. Even heavy weight power lifters need leverage to lift the big plates.
On top of that, Spider-Man needs to snap the chains, not lift something. I tried to do a comparison between bench pressing and the motion needed to snap chains behind your back. The closest I could come to is reverse flies. I found a comparison chart that recorded people bench pressing and compared it to the amount they were able to do with a dumb bell reverse fly. It was over twice as much on the bench pressing (about 60% more). That means, if we are using our 5 tons reference, in Spidey’s position, he is able to “reverse fly” at about 2 tons worth, which is less than the tensile strength of the titanium he is trying to break.
But what about the times he did much more? Well, one, he was in protective mode. He had to in order to save Aunt May. He also had leverage or something to push off of. And, maybe in that last minute, he could have broken them right before the trigger was pulled, but since the Spider-Sense never alarmed, we will never know.
OK, you are still upset that Spidey was saved by a non-powered crook.
Two things – one, he was never in danger of being killed. Tombstone was all theatrics here and did everything to give Spider-Man a chance to get out so that Spidey could do his dirty work. Two, the guy saves Spider-Man BECAUSE of something Spidey did. Consequences to previous actions playing out. I like that.
The plan almost failed and if Spider-Man had been paying more attention, he would have noticed the slip up with the henchman about which train they heard last issue. But he’s not paying attention. Remember the moonwalking bear?
Tombstone put everything into this plan. It worked for him. It worked within the confines of the story and not just a plot armor situation. And, he did not do anything to sabotage his relationship with his daughter. I’m happy for him.
That was too long. Sorry, guys. I’ve missed being able to write Cobwebs for the past few months…
Mary Jane and Black Cat – I still feel there is more misdirection going on here. We know the time doesn’t work for MJ to really be the mom, so most likely she is in hiding, so to speak, with Paul (who I still believe is Mysterio). Why? I don’t know. I feel that it is for her safety for some reason, but how this works, who knows. They don’t seem to be in a rush to tell us what happened six months ago. I don’t mind that per se, but until we get more info, there is little more we can do in the speculation department.
What do we get out of this?
- Zeb Wells has little understanding of children – unless they are not really children and she is trying to make them less conspicuous. They could be constructs or AI from Mysterio.
- MJ’s ‘daughter’ is called Romy, so I am guessing the little boy is named Johnny?
- Are we setting up for a potential Spider-Man/Black Cat fling? MJ is unreachable and Felecia is there… We will have to see what awaits. I don’t think so. If MJ is indeed in hiding, she probably wants Black Cat keeping tabs on him to keep him safe. If not, I think we will see Peter tempted, but not go through with it.
Final Grade
I so much fun researching and I loved Tombstone’s plan! I doubt the Rose is out of the game over this, but he’s no longer in a position to make a move. Will that stop others from trying to make a go? We’ll have to wait and see.
A-
What’s Next?
The end of the first arc of this historic new volume is here, and you won’t believe what we’re putting the Web-Slinger through! Spider-Man and Tombstone have their most brutal battle ever, but I fear the worst damage to Peter isn’t going to be physical. Also, did you notice that this was ASM LGY #899?! That means next issue is…
LEGACY #899
So we will see if Tombstone thought about the consequences of his plan working. The cover looks awesome, but who knows if Tombstone will even be in it…
‘Nuff Said!
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@Robin – yes, Brad posted to say that it wasn’t a problem. And then that post disappeared, which is another sign the sites been hacked.
@Mark Alford- It’s ok Brad commented on it and said everything is fine
@Evan, @Michael, and @Chase the Blues Away
Evan – Ooh! Involving multiple part of speeches as a metric for onomatopoeias – man, we are taking this to a whole new level. I think we are probably some of the foremost authorities on onomatopeiaology!
I’m going to double down on that grammar error and say that I meant villain. JJJ was right all this time! MENACE!
You clicked the links! I wondered if anyone ever did that. 🙂
Michael – I hope you are wrong in your interpretation of that solicit. I don’t want mutant crap in my ASM. This isn’t a chocolate/peanut butter situation, if you ask me.
Chase the Blues Away – A compliment followed by a disagreement! Maybe Evan was right, maybe I should have put this in chart form…
‘Malaise’ – nice word! You can’t use that in a comment on a Chi-Town review. He won’t know what the heck you’re talking about.
I’m going to agree with you, sort of, on the Peter Parker getting jerked around. I don’t mind it in the short run. If we are trying to establish that whatever happened six months ago really messed him up and that he doesn’t really have his base of MJ or Aunt May that he can turn to, so is therefore not on his A game, then fine. As long as we resolve this before too much time goes on. Or at least move it forward so we are not having the six month constantly being teased, but never revealed. It really hasn’t been that long, but I think it feels much longer because we were getting about six issues every two months and now we are getting three or four. So it feels like it is being stretched out more. Maybe.
You might certainly be onto something about Kareem being in on it all along. Or at least being used after White Rabbit saw him being rescued. I hope not. I like Kareem being the henchman with the heart of mostly gold.
I actually liked the plot twist. Didn’t see it coming but the clues were there.
I can believe peter falling for it. He isn’t in the right headspace right now.
@michael: i think you might be on to something. What if she wants to keep the kids away because they are Peters thought time travelband that that red-headed little girl is the one destined to beat Mephisto? Paul would have raised the kids until MJ comes back to her proper place in the timeline, who then goes on to raise them.
I really enjoy the Crawlspace reviews. They’re the best on the ‘net! Another knock-out rundown.
With that said, I’m with PeterParkerfan: this was nerfing to fit the round character in the square plot hole Wells came up with.
I think it speaks to fandom’s overall malaise with the book that we are so happy to have even the semblance of a somewhat clever plot in this issue, we seem to be overlooking that Tombstone, not Spider-Man, is been the protagonist (anti-) hero of this run so far. Tombstone is the story driver. His actions are the catalyst. He’s the only character getting any development. So far Peter Parker is a solely reactive puppet who dances to villains’ whims (Norman jerked his strings, too) and he seems to have left the logical thinking skills he once possessed in the Pennsylvania crater. It doesn’t help Wells keeps the reader in only the most shallow part of Peter Parker’s head, stopping us from learning Peter’s deeper motivations, emotions and aspirations because Wells wants to string out his tiresome and annoying “six months later” mystery.
I’ve seen the moonwalking bear and similar videos before but the point is when you are concentrating on one detail, you miss other details. If the video said, “watch the scene” and not “count how many passes,” you’d see the moonwalking bear no issue. I’d argue Peter’s assignment is to get out of his chains, keep from being killed, and stop the massacre – AND he’s in protective mode because Tombstone just implied he’s about to do something awful to Robbie. So he should be paying attention to every detail because one small detail could be the key to getting out of there and saving lives, including the life of one of his dearest mentors.
(Also, not so sure Kareem’s motives are that pure and I doubt anything he’s done has been motivated by Spidey saving him. Instead, I think he and Tombstone are using Peter’s altruism to manipulate him – which seems to be Tombstone’s entire grand plan from the start. Pretty sure Kareem and White Rabbit knew they would let Spider-Man get away – Kareem only seemed surprised White Rabbit gave out Tombstone’s actual location instead of lying about it – and all the goons in the safe room under the subway were definitely in on the plan, even the one who forgot and slipped up about the train. Kareem had to hit his fellow henchman, but only to sell the story – the two of them are peacefully guarding Tombstone’s room together later on. And Kareem is the one who tells Peter where to find the Rose’s men and reiterates the lie they are Tombstone’s men .)
But hey, Tombstone’s plan worked and Peter was played like a piccolo, viciously assaulting – with his fists after wasting his web fluid on turning the floor into a trap for, what, four goons? – people who, while they may be henchmen, are innocent of the crime they are suspected to be planning. You go Tombstone! Peter, you utter chump.
I’m not going near the Mary Jane pages. The bait is decaying and odorous and no self-respecting fish, not matter how hungry on this character front, should touch it. But I agree,, the boy needs to be named Johnny. The only question is if he’s a Jr. or not.
@Mark- We definitely know that ASM 9 is going to be a followup to the Gala and feature Wolverine. The spoilers for the Gala say “this year, Peter Parker will find that his destiny is all too intertwined with that of the Krakoan mutants due to certain new developments in their Resurrection Protocols.”
That sounds like there will be some impact on ASM. Plus, we know that Dark Web will probably be a crossover with the X-Men later this year.
@Mark — Here I am! Work is super busy, so I’m back at the Crawlspace for the first time in a whole week. What did I miss?
[Three hours later.]
Gee whiz. That was quite a review! You’re correct: I do appreciate your ramblings, but I could tell you were holding back a bit. My first thought was “I hope Mark doesn’t blame this one on me this time — though a chart would have been more concise…”
As for titles, given the stats comparison and pound-for-pound analysis between Spider-man and Tombstone, the most fitting title I can think of, even if technically it relates more to the events of the previous issue (which I feel is strangely appropriate, since we’re still waiting for that Peter/MJ Rain confrontation, as well as White Rabbit and Digger) is “THRILLA not in HARLEM-A.”
I sorta think the “CREAK” from the attempted shackle-breaking isn’t bad onomatopoeia, actually. It rates more than a 4 to me, at least, since, in addition to being a sound effect, it’s an actual verb and a noun on its own.
And, because I can’t resist, I have to point at that above you wrote “First off, if we want Spidey to be a street-level villain, then he needs to be challenged by a street-level villain.” Clearly you were eager to get to the meat and potatoes of your analysis, so I’ll let it slide.
By the way, I love it when I can anticipate what videos you have linked before I even click on them (“Because iocane comes from Australia), but I was not expecting Fleetwood Mac. That was very appropriate ambient music for chain analysis, but I wouldn’t have minded some of Sam Cooke’s Chain Gang or maybe even Alice in Chains.
Man, it’s so good to be back.
@Chi-Town, @Robin MB, @Michael, and @PeterParkerfan
Chi-Town – I am going to actually agree with you on the Paul/MJ stuff not being all that interesting because the main purpose is to cause a bit of panic with the fans. For a short term things, not a big issue for me, but now that we are about to pass that first arc, we really need to get on into what happened that six months ago that set this stage. I’m quite positive that it will not happen next issue as it will be the end of this current Tombstone/Spider-Man run and it will not be next issue because that will be more about the whole Sinister Six robot for the 900th issue bonanza. But starting with issue 7, I feel that we should be getting some forward movement there. Drop the mystery, delay a little with Tombstone, delay again with anniversary issue, and then next arc deals with the mystery. That would be satisfying to me. I do know what is going on with the X-Men gala, but I doubt it will have any impact on ASM.
Robin MB – What article are you referring to?
Michael – Interesting theory – if time travel is involved, I’ll be the first to shout in all caps “MICHAEL WAS RIGHT!” My read on it was that she was merely brushing aside way too much backstory to tell a little kid, but we only got a little bit of MJ here, so I think you are in the right to analyze each word balloon as potential clues. I’ll have to ponder that a bit more. I was way more sidetracked by the strength of those chains! Speaking of…
PeterParkerfan – You wound me sir! Were you not moved by my overly long dissertation complete with official Marvel stats and details on tensile strength? Did you not miss the moon walking bear as well? My heart breaks, sir. My heart breaks.
Where is Evan? He’ll appreciate my pedantic restraints ramblings….
Not sure if I buy Spider-man getting defeated by Tombstone so easily since it was the other way around in Gerry Conway’s ASM: Spiral mini-series. Here however, Spider-Man was nerfed for the plot’s sake (something Dan Slott did a LOT during his ASM run)
Note that MJ describes Felicia as a friend “from a long time ago”. 6 months isn’t that long. I wonder if what happened to MJ was she got trapped several years in the past. That would explain how she could have kids that are walking and talking after 6 months- she gave birth to them years ago. It would also explain why Johnny was so angry at Peter in issue 1. Johnny said Peter stole something from the Fantastic Four- the Fantastic Four have a time machine. If Peter stole the FF’s time machine in an attempt to rescue MJ and lost it, I can see why Johnny would be pissed. The only thing that makes me doubt this theory is that I question whether Marvel would approve doing something like this to Peter and MJ.
Hey guys I think the site has been hacked, based on that article with a link to a weird gambling site
Nice review! Clever sneaking in a cobwebs in there. Tombstone did what he set out to do, he pinned this war on Spider-Man. Which I thought was very clever. The Paul/MJ stuff I can just do without because…it’s purpose is to trigger fans. Wake me up when that’s over. Even though the Mysterio theory is solid and sound and SHOULD be done, I’m thinking Marvel is going the X-Men Gala whatever bs thing they are doing route on this.
Gave this one a B-/C+