Last week we got two fantastic issues. So does that mean that the Beyond Board will keep up the pace or will things slack off? Only one way to find out! Join Dark Mark as he reviews the issue! (OK, technically, there are two ways to find out, but even if you read the issue, join me! There will be cookies at the end of the review!)
Credit Where Credit Is Due
Story Title: Beyond chapter something or other… Let’s go with “I Missed the Part Where That’s My Problem”
Writer: Zeb Wells
Artist: Michael Dowling
Colorist: Bryan Valenza
Letterer: VC’s Joe Caramanga
Cover Artist: Arthur Adams and Alejandro Sanchez
Asst. Editor: Lindsey Cohick and Kaeden McGahey
Editor: Nick Lowe
Published: February 2, 2022
Remedial ASM 101
Peter is in the hospital. Ben is the new Spider-Man and works for the Beyond corporation, but he didn’t know they were evil, but now he does and told his girlfriend who is escape by holding poor Marcus at knifepoint and is going to get a hard drive full of damning information on Beyond to the public by bringing Mary Jane into this. *gasp for breath – must remember to use punctuation*
The Story – Pay Attention, This Will Be on the Test
Maxine grills Marcus for information on his recent abduction. The Board grills Maxine on the loss of the hard drive. Maxine then releases the Halifax protocol, which uses the Sins of Norman Osborn on some poor woman to turn her into the Queen Goblin. This woman, presumably Kafka, has been adjusted to be better controlled. Janine and Mary Jane (who disappointingly changed out of the Black Cat suit she was wearing earlier) go to Glory Grant with the hard drive (that Doc Ock stole from Beyond and gave to Ben who gave it to Janine). The Queen Goblin arrives, is about to take the drive, when Ben shows up. They fight briefly, the drive is destroyed, and Ben takes off with Janine and leaves MJ behind to deal with the Goblin.
What Passed and Failed
PASS – Memory Loss Recap – Wells lets us know right off the bat that Ben’s recent memory issues are something we need to keep at the forefront by having him not remember his bullied childhood. All of that is gone. Everything that makes Ben/Peter who they are is gone from Ben. It’s done short and sweet without exposition or rehashing or beating us over the head with it. If someone had not been reading and picked up this issue, while they might not know about the memory wipe gone horribly wrong, they will easily be able to see that something is not right.
PASS – Goblin Knees – I don’t know why, but I find the little goblin faces on the kneed of the suit to be pretty hilarious.
It would be awesome if we get a comic from her point of view and in her crazed mind, the little knee-goblins talked to her. Also, this little scene reveals that, if there was any doubt, the Queen Goblin is Ashley Kafka.
INCOMPLETE – Clifford Joke – Wow. This really fell flat.
However, I am not assigning a fail grade to it yet because I am trying to figure out if it was just a bad joke or if it was a bad joke meant by the author to be a bad joke to show that Ben is no longer the guy he used to be. Our sense of humor is in part genetic, but I think also, to a large degree, shaped by our life experiences. He no longer has those. So this could be a clever PASS or a miserable FAIL. The jury’s out on this one.
PASS – The Two-in-One Goblin Glider – I like that splitting action it’s got. Took Ben by surprise, that’s for sure.
FAIL – No Hellbomb – Set me up for a great villain like this guy who wears flammable liquid in glass bottles strapped to himself when he is not immune to fire and then don’t give me an epic showdown? Sad. Still waiting for word on the Hellbomb limited series….
OOTI (Onomatopoeia of the Issue)
On a scale of 1 (POW) to 10 (BLRKBQRKPQRBLNB), CHK gets an 8. Why so high? This does exactly what it is needed to do. It gives the noise, doesn’t overpower the scene, but draws attention perfectly to the fact that the glider splits and is more than what we’ve come to expect from a goblin glider. That’s a high-quality onomatopoeia.
Analysis
The Board – No, not the that Beyond Board, but this Beyond Board:
Maxine is a small fish here, trying to become a big fish. I like the possibilities that this gives us. It also gives me a reason for why Beyond is messing with Ben. Beyond is a big corporation that has had multiverse dealings, so why the focus here? Well, it is just one small branch. Maxine is hoping this will be the big break for her, and I’m rooting for her! Well, not to win in this case, but maybe to prove herself to the Board and allow her to continue to be a force here. I wouldn’t mind this being another Roxxon-type deal where she is creating villains. They also confirm that the Assessor is a part of this. For those who do not know, the Assessor is a villain that made an appearance in the Miles book and he really put Miles through the ringer. Tony Stark later took a stab at him and came up short. The guy is smart and thorough.
Super Hero Divisions’ True Purpose – It’s summed up here:
Basically, all this is just to control the markets and news cycles better. I really like that this isn’t some super scheme to destroy the multi-verse or something like that. When it comes down to it, it is a marketing ploy. That’s it. Sure, it is still evil, but it is an evil I can wrap my head around with proper plausible suspension of disbelief. Maxine is super smug at this point and we know it will come down around her soon enough, but poor Marcus really thought this was all for the greater good. He believed all of the lies. I have a feeling that he will be instrumental in a small way for saving Ben later.
Jason Halifax – I tried to find a Jason Halifax in Marvel, but he appears to be made up here for this story. That’s a shame. I thought maybe this was been tying up a loose end somewhere.
Not My Problem – If there is a better way to show that Ben has lost all sense of responsibility, it’s when the Queen Goblin is about to get up and Janine asks him if he is going to do something about it.
Holy cow! Words like that coming from Spider-Man? They guy who obsesses over ALL PROBLEMS EVER? Did it make you think of this?
The last time he said this, Uncle Ben died. This gives us two things to think about.
- Who will pay the price for this irresponsibility? Since he just left Mary Jane alone with the Queen Goblin suggests that she will. Obviously, they are not going to kill her right now, but maybe Peter will come in and not take too kindly to Ben’s actions. That would be a pretty good fight. If the writers are not ready for Peter’s return, then we may see Beyond try and bring QG back in.
- Maxine was not considering that response. That tells us something there too. We know they wanted to control Ben by controlling his memories, but they took it too far. What does this mean for Beyond?
And you know I also want to hear your alternate titles!
Final Grade
I liked this issue a lot. Ben’s changes are intriguing, Mary Jane and Janine make a interesting duo, and the Goblin Queen has some potential for a short term villain.
A
What’s Next?
After her first showdown with Ben Reilly, Queen Goblin now faces THE BLACK CAT! This will be a showdown for the ages—as you see just how horrifying this queen’s reign will be.
OK, I lied about the cookies….
‘Nuff Said!
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Oh, but I meant Karma the mutant, it’s much more painful that way. 🙂
Well, we’re on the same page, I grew up with episodic comics too and prefer them to the decompressed narration of these days. I admit these are more episodic in nature, so it’s interesting to see you tend to perceive that more, while I can’t avoid focusing on the continued narration, feeling like there isn’t enough. Luckily (for me) they chose a semi-weekly schedule, so at least there’s that.
Thank you for clearing Clifford up. I could have just googled it, but I’m lazy (and busy, but more lazy). And yeah, it’s not a funny joke.
I forgot Ahmed is on the board too! Who knows, maybe he did think of tying it to Beyond from the beginning and then it expanded from there when he came aboard. Either way, it’s cool.
I’m sure Chi-Town will, he seems such a good guy.
@Aqu@ – Well Karma has had a debt collection agency after me for years, so I guess a little misleading cookie karma won’t affect me too much. 🙂
That’s interesting that you feel they end too soon. I think they have been just long enough and I feel like I get a story in each one (like in this one, we get the arrival of Queen Goblin, the fight, the end of the fight, the cliffhanger), which for me feels more like the comics I used to read in the ’80s. I wonder is the pacing satisfaction comes from what we were used to growing up reading. Today’s comics tend to be one long story stretched out of twelve issues and these are more episodic which might account for our differences. But at least you are getting some enjoyment from them. It’s a bummer when you are getting enjoyment from your favorite fandom.
No ignorance on the Clifford joke – it was an awful joke. Clifford is a big red dog in a children’s book series and Queen Goblin is red. That’s the extent of the joke.
The Assessor was a cool connection. Surely they didn’t have the whole Beyond thing figured out when they made the Assessor for Miles, so I wonder what the original connection, if there was one, was going to be. I believe Ahmed came up with the Assessor, so now that he is on the Beyond Board, whatever plans he had for him seemed not as good maybe as connecting him to Beyond.
I do not know much about Janine. I’m sure I read those comics, but I’ve never been a fan of the clone saga (made me give up collecting comics for a while), and I guess it just didn’t stick. I just assumed that she has to know that Ben is a clone, and can see that the original Spidey loves a red head, so she even knows that she is the surrogate MJ, but the real MJ is successful and famous, so that makes her feel more like a knock-off. So that way, even if they don’t hang out, she would still have feelings of envy towards her.
Maybe Chi-Town will provide some cookies and punch in his review next issue to make up for my irresponsible cookie-less review.
I see I’m not the only one disappointed by the lack of cookies. I even spoiled myself a bit with the panels by scrolling the review before having read the issue, just to get to the cookies. Karma will make you pay, Mr. Alford, rest assured.
Now that the story is picking up the pace for the finale, I’m enjoying it more. I still feel these issues end too soon, however, making me crave for more (in an unsatiated way, not in anticipation).
Excuse my ignorance, but I didn’t get the Clifford joke.
Really liked the connection with the Assessor, it’s details like this that makes the Marvel experience worth it.
Maybe I was just tired when I read it yesterday night, but I found the explanation Maxine gives to be a bit unclear. For example, I wasn’t sure if the Halifax guy was someone from past comics (I read it as she implied he was C.e.o. of Roxxon). I also interpreted it like you, Mark, at first, but then the next sentence made me scratch my head. Micheal’s interpretation has shed some light on it, but I still liked yours, since it feels disturbingly real (some corporation has the power for real to twist the news and public opinion to their own interest).
I have a nitpick: here Janine acts like she has known of MJ and Peter for a long time and deeply enough to envy them, but for what I know of the character, it seems a bit of a stretch.
@Evan, @Michael, and @Chi-Town
Evan – Smiling AND frowning faces? Holy cow, Evan! Is there any great idea you can’t make even better? I’m as surprised as anyone to be liking this story. I said before, if I wasn’t reviewing, I would have cancelled subscription and waited for Marvel Unlimited when I was told Ben was taking over, but they are doing this very well. Good stories, good pacing, good characterization, and good communication between writers. Not everything is hitting it out of the park, but the quality is consistently good. There are only two downsides this arc – 1. The sheer amount of comics coming out each month is killer on reviews. Thank goodness Chi-Town wanted to trade off. I would have quit! 2. Too many of our commentators aren’t buying the books, so the discussion on the front page has diminished. You guys make this worthwhile and we appreciate when people comment even when they didn’t read it! I guess I ought to get more comfortable with Discord, but I just can’t get into the flow of it. I’m old.
I love “CHK Please!”
Drop that chicken! (You just don’t get quality writing like that anymore)
Michael – Yeah, I think I misread that. Your explanation makes a lot more sense. I guess I got one idea in my head and blocked out anything that didn’t fit it. I freely admits mistakes and I will admit that this is the second mistake I have ever made and will be more than happy and humble enough to admit if I ever make a third. The idea that Mephisto is allowing the sins to be used by Beyond with hopes that Kafka will hurt MJ is pretty intriguing. I have no problems with them just getting the sins since their science is already borderline unnatural anyway (talking sandwiches?).
Chi-Town – I cannot imagine that they do not know who Peter Parker is despite Ben’s turning off of tracking devices. With them in his head so much, how in the world could they not know? So do you think Ben is going rogue or just decided that this mission was about getting Janine and the drive, the drive was smashed so just get Janine and go? And will he bring Janine back to Beyond like everything can go back to normal or what? I can’t decide if I want the evidence destroyed or for there to be a secret backup somewhere. If there is a secret backup that Ben made before giving Janine the drive, then that might add to why he responded so blahly to the drive’s destruction. However, if there is a secret backup made by Ben, wouldn’t that have been discovered by Beyond when they went cranial spelunking? And even if they didn’t notice it, would Ben even remember it? Lots of questions!
COOKIES!!! *runs in excited and figures out he’s been lied to* You son of a…
Great review Mark! I can see Maxine getting all sweaty when she found out that Ben is no longer the Spider-Man she was actually hoping for. Leaving The Bugle and especially MJ like that…Peter gonna be ticked! Drive has been destroyed…there goes the evidence, unless it was saved… Maxine supervillain monologuing. Beyond seems to imply that they KNOW Peter Parker is Spider-Man and just wanted him out, hence the UFOES set up.
@Michael: If that happens to Mary Jane I am totally blaming you for putting that idea in Marvel’s head!
Mark, I think you’re misunderstanding Maxine’s scheme. Before the panel you posted, Maxine describes how in a battle between Norman Osborn, Thor and Sentry evidence of a crime was destroyed and everyone was like “sadly, this sometimes happens in superhero battles”. The idea is this- some of the villains Ben fights will be secretly working for Beyond. During their battles with Ben, they will destroy whoever or whatever Beyond wants destroyed “in the heat of battle”. Then, everyone will just chalk it up to the usual collateral damage of superhero fights- nobody will realize that Beyond wanted to get rid of whoever or whatever Beyond wanted to eliminate. What the U-Foes did to Peter wasn’t just a way to get him off the board- it was proof of concept. Nobody realized that the U-Foes had been hired to get rid of Peter.
At first, I couldn’t believe that Maxine would be able to transfer the sins into Kafka- after all, she’s not a sorcerer and they removed by one of Mephisto’s spells. But now that I think about it, Mephisto probably arranged for the sins to wind up somewhere where Beyond could find them- he’s still worried about the prophecy about MJ’s child. Mephisto’s probably hoping that Kafka kills MJ, or at least injures her in a way that makes her unable to have children.
@Mark — Aw, I really wanted a cookie. I was hoping they’d be iced with Queen Goblin kneepads. (I kind of wish that one knee was smiling and the other was frowning, like her double-headed mace/dumbbell thing.)
Speaking of which, I think I really need a cookie because at one point as I was reading this, I thought “QG? Who’s that?……Oh.”
Cookies aside, you really help sell the story in your review, Mark — Just from the reviews alone my interest is piqued, and I’m starting to care about what happens to the characters. And not in an Amazing Grace kind of way, either. (Those poor chickens.)
I really like the alternate title that you suggested, but since you asked for them, here are my own suggestions, of varying quality:
1. “I Am the Goblin That Says ‘KNEE!'”
2. “Queen Goblin? CHK, please!”
3. “Thank Goodness for Cloud Storage”
4. “No More Patients and Zero Halifax Given”
5. “Great Thalia and Melpomene! Beware the Flaming Dramatic Comedy/Tragedy Majorette Baton!”