Face front, Crawlspacers! It’s time to get physical! Guys, I’m not above a little fan service. I know that one of the most loved podcast segments is JR doing his Spider-Man push ups. I know you are sitting at home thinking, “Wouldn’t it be dandy if there were MORE Spider-Man exercises for JR to do?” Well, never fear! Dark “Deep Cut” Mark has you covered with this month’s column! Plus a cool Lee Majors video!
Back in the day, you would have to pay $3.95 for this, but today, you can buy your own copy on Amazon for the low, low oddly specific price of $85.38! I know what you are thinking – “That’s too good to be true! I bet they get you with the shipping!” To that, you nay-saying skeptic, I tell you that shipping is FREE. Yes! So, I’ll wait while you click the link above and order that bad boy so you can get it in time to get in shape before the holidays come around.
This is created/written by Agile Ann Picardo, and drawn by Jumpin’ Joe Giella, and no, I’m not being clever (though I am quite the clever clogs), that’s the name they used on the book. Picardo’s only writing credit with Marvel or anywhere else is this book, which is a shame since her quips are spot on. I’m thinking she must have worked in marketing or something. Giella did a little more, mostly inking most likely as a fill-in because he is on a wide range of titles, including the Adventures of Kool Aid Man (how much do you want to bet Brad has it somewhere in his collection?), but he also was the artist on a Marvel Cookbook that I never knew existed, so of course that will need to be a future Cobwebs. Here’s hoping for some Wheatcakes!
When I first found this, I thought it was just ten pages or so, based on what was out there on the Internet. I was going to present to you the whole thing, Spidey or not, but then I found that it was a 127 pages or so. Still, I considered it because who cares about a little copyright infringement? Turns out Brad Douglas cares, and since he pays the bills around here, here are the parts that are relevant to our fan base (and well within the boundaries of copyright)! Plus, when I tell you stuff like one exercise is called “Hulk’s Famous Phalanges Fingerings,” I have a feeling that your imagination will have much more fun trying to figure out what exactly is Fingering (on second thought, maybe we *shouldn’t* get BD to give this to JR for a segment…).
Plus, if you really want to see all exercises, you can find it on the Internet Archive.
After doing some Human Torch and Mr. Fantastic (stretching, of course) exercises, we move on to our favorite wall crawler. We start with this commentary:
I’m betting that Ann Picardo is that clever literary agent she speaks of here.
Then move on into the exercises. We have a couple of other heroes go through their
And since this is to help us be wall crawlers, we start with the wall climb:
Not to hard to start off with – similar to an exercise Brad made me do on a podcast a few months ago, only on that one the foot had to come up to beside the head. And it is with this one that you can see the true value of this book – the commentary! The heroes are cracking jokes all the way through this thing! This writer may not be a writer, but she sure has the knack for Stan Lee type quips!
I’d feel pretty good if I could sit in the first position. I don’t see my legs staying straight at all.
For those of you that don’t remember your high school geometry class, ‘perpendicular’ means at a 90 degree angle. These exercises are clearly marked as those with perpendicular legs, of which I do not have. If I tried that, well, I wouldn’t be walking any where fast for a few days!
Perfect quip!
And we wrap it all up with the Spider-Bounce!
Now, I know what you are saying. You are saying (probably out loud right this moment), “exercise for the body is all fine and good, but in this day and age, under these stressful and unprecedented times, we need exercise for the mind too!” Well, folks, face front! This book has that covered as well and it covers it with a Spider-Man character!
So who do you think would be the image of mental relaxation and stress relief? Well, if you guessed everyone’s favorite blond and love interest of old Peter Parker, you’d be sadly wrong. No, this book was published in 1976 and Deb Whitman doesn’t make an appearance until Amazing Spider-Man #196. So, Aunt May? No. Mary Jane? No. Folks, the person who represent stress relief is none other than ol’ skinflint himself!
Not sure who Bob McAllister is? I wasn’t either, and I should since I grew up in the ‘70s. If you are just dying to know, you can watch this – but I wouldn’t suggest it. But I WOULD suggest watching this trailer for the movie KILLER FISH if you need to know who Margaux Hemingway is!
That’s Lee Majors at his finest!
Now that you are all worked up in terror, let’s learn how to relax with ol’ JJJ.
What the heck? Yes, I tried it. Didn’t do anything for me. Look, you are invested enough to have read this far down into a Cobwebs article, so go ahead and try it and tell me about it in the comments section.
After doing the roar earlier, you may need to do this one just to reset yourself!
And last (but not least – well, maybe also least):
That would have looked better with him smoking a cigar in the process!
Pretty much everyone gets into the exercise act for you Marvelites – Invisible Woman, Hulk, Medusa, Captain America, Falcon – heck, even Ghost Rider does some bicycle exercises!
There is a newer French book out of a similar nature. I couldn’t find much (well, OK, I didn’t search that hard – I was too relaxed after doing all of the JJJ sets), but you can order it for far cheaper than the other.
Whichever book you use, remember, don’t push yourself to hard!
“Ann Picardo.” Spider-Fan, Comic Boards, 2018, spiderfan.org/credits/ann_picardo.html.
“Joe Giella.” Marvel Database, Fandom, marvel.fandom.com/wiki/Joe_Giella.
robertroof. “Stan Lee Presents The Mighty Marvel Comics Strength and Fitness Book ( 1976).” Internet Archive, 28 Feb. 2016, archive.org/details/StanLeePresentsTheMightyMarvelComicsStrenghtAndFitnessBook1976Comicsall.org/mode/2up.
Robinson, Kelly. “I Did All the Exercises in The Mighty Marvel Comics Strength and Fitness Book.” Kelly Robinson, Medium, 27 Mar. 2020, thekellyrobinson.medium.com/i-did-all-the-exercises-in-the-mighty-marvel-comics-strength-and-fitness-book-5030c595bbff.
‘Nuff Said!
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@Evan – I knew there was a song called “Brand New Day” but I couldn’t think of the artist. I got stuck on U2, but that was “Beautiful Day”.
@hornacek — The only thing I liked about Brand New Day was Bob Gale. Anyone who writes Back to the Future has my respect — It’s just ironic that someone so conversant on the Butterfly (McFly?) Effect would do so little to inform any realistic repercussions of such a monumental moment, and that, to me, was the biggest disappointment. And the Slott part didn’t help, either.
In fact, perhaps even more impactful was it took something like that for me to stop and think “Wait a second. Spider-man is a corporate-owned character. That means anyone can come along and make whatever changes they want. That’s not right!”
And then Paper Doll happened. Sigh. Okay, maybe I spoke too soon.
We gotta bring this back around to exercise and fitness and the actual topic of this post.
This calls for El Cheapo’s Back and Neck Rest. Et voila!
You know, “brand new day” used to be a good phrase before Marvel ruined it for every Spider-Man fan.
You know what? I’m taking it back!
https://youtu.be/cA46ZNjrzeY
“Evan, you might even say it feels like a brand new day …”
Holy cow, Hornacek! You just got out of JR’s room and you go and say that?!?! It’s a good thing they don’t read these articles! You might never get out!
“I’m so glad that my comments are appearing again, too.”
Evan, you might even say it feels like a brand new day …
@Mark — Exactly! I thought maybe Jonah choked on his cigar!
@hornacek — I’m so glad that my comments are appearing again, too.
Yay – emails about new comments on a post that I’ve commented on! I’ve missed these.
Yay! Comments on a Cobwebs article!
Aqu@ – “You’re ruining my life, Alford.” Oddly enough, Chi-Town texts me that on a fairly regular basis!
Hornacek – I was going to say something about JJJ, but Aqu@ near me to it
Evan – Yeah that JJJ back cover looks like it was also used in a Heimlich maneuver illustration!
@hornacek
Wearing dress clothes and a tie during exercises is only for professionals.
@Evan
You know, I thought that too. It must be the balloon’s fault.
Meanwhile I flipped through the whole book and I have to say seeing Cap and Falcon doing exercises in pair gives strong homo vibes.
Jameson looks a lot happier doing his Jameson Roar on the inside pages than on the back cover. I thought that it was meant to show Jameson trying to follow the exercises in the book and getting frustrated, but no — that’s the actual exercise.
“…be that as it Aunt May.” — No comment.
Surprised there was a mention of Perry White in this book, even moreso than Margaux Hemingway et al.
One thing I know is that when you’re exercising, you probably shouldn’t be wearing your dress clothes (and a tie). At least Jonah removed his suit jacket.
This book is pure gold. (maybe that’s why it costs so much on Amazon!)
I’ll surely try some of its exercises tonight (actually, some of the ones Spidey does I was already doing).
“Hulk’s Famous Phalanges Fingerings” Ok. It’s pretty obvious why it’s “famous”.
I also searched on Google Images for Phalanges Fingerings to be sure I knew what kind of exercise it was: half of the images were of hand radiography and the other half… Well, I bet you know.
And now to some semi-technical comment:
I have to say the foot pull shouldn’t be done in bounces, you should go as far as you can, stay there for some time and then return slowly. Doing it in bounces is bad for your tendons. Or at least that’s what I was taught.
I think the leg extensions could be done by anyone, just not to the fullest (at least at the beginning). I still don’t know what the heck is a person with perpendicular legs.
The spider bounce seems pretty painful (and harmful!), at least done with speed (and the wording suggests exactly that to me).
I saw my parents do the Jameson’s roar during their yoga and pilates (that’s where most of this comes from) and I have to say it’s the most ridiculous exercise I have ever seen. I don’t need to try it to know I will have no benefit from it. The weird part is that from now on, every time my mom does that I will see Jameson’s face. You’re ruining my life, Alford.