Spider-Tracer: The Top Ten Worst Things J. Jonah Jameson Has Ever Done

Ahhhh, where would Spider-Man be without J. Jonah Jameson? I guess it would be a lot like those “Amazing Spider-Man” reboot films, and we saw how those went (in this writer’s opinion, there were much better depictions of Spidey and his world before and after those two films). Jameson is an integral part of Spider-Man’s world, which makes sense, as he’s been there since almost the beginning (waaaaaaay back in Amazing Spider-Man Volume 1, #1!). Not having JJJ around is like a fly without wings; something very important would be missing.

 

While Jameson has done some good in his time as one of New York’s leading newspaper publishers, such as using his paper to voice opinions against crime bosses like the Kingpin, he’s, at the very least, done just as much bad, perhaps with the bad even actually outweighing the good he’s done. This month’s Spider-Tracer will be taking a look at the top ten worst things J. Jonah Jameson has ever done.

 

10. Accused Spider-Man of being… Electro?!

 

 

Jameson, as you probably know if you’ve ready anything with the character, has a knack for, well, getting the facts wrong, especially where Spider-Man is concerned. He’s made numerous false accusations against the Wall-Crawler over the years, but the worst one had to be in “The Amazing Spider-Man” Vol. 1, #9 when Jolly Jonah accused Spider-Man of being Electro, simply because they both could cling to walls. Spidey’s powers were, of course gifted to him from the bite of an irradiated spider, while Electro was using static electricity to do so. If only Jonah knew of the plethora of heroes and villains that would come in the following years that could stick to any surface, many of whom also had spider-powers; he might not have been so quick to accuse Spidey. Then again, he sure does hate Spidey, soooo, maybe not…

 

9. Underpays Peter Parker for his Photos

 

 

Jonah Jameson is a very cheap man. Except when it comes to trying to ruin Spider-Man in some form or fashion, but you’ll see that later on in this list. He’s underpaid Peter Parker for his photos for years, but one instance that really sticks out is in “The Amazing Spider-Man” Vol.1, #33. Having been in the hospital during the much loved “Master Planner Saga”, Peter needs the money for Aunt May’s increased hospital bills. Despite this, Jonah only pays Parker for half of what the pics are worth, though he would have paid even less had Peter not stood up to him. C’mon Jonah…

 

8. Kills Spider-Man’s Show Biz Career

 

 

As a lot of us know, Spider-Man started out in show biz before ever becoming a superhero. What a lot of people don’t realize, is that Spidey would kept up with the life of being a famous celebrity! However, once Jameson began his anti-Spider-Man editorials in “The Amazing Spider-Man” Vol. 1, #1, Max Schiffman, Spidey’s agent, couldn’t book Spidey for anymore gigs; no one would take him! And what a time to drop the needy kid; his uncle now dead, Peter Parker needed the cash coming in if he was ever going to help with the bills and Aunt May’s medical needs. Luckily, everyone’s favorite skinflint, Jonah, was there to buy photos of Spidey’s battle with the Vulture in the following issue. While this was a terrible thing to do to Spidey, this was a win for Jonah in the long run, as Parker’s photos helped sell even more copies of the Bugle throughout the following years.

 

7. Attacks She-Hulk with a Spider-Slayer

 

 

Woah! What’s this? Here we have something terrible that J. Jonah Jameson did not involving our lovable Web-Head? In “She-Hulk (2005)” #9, Jameson, having just been informed of his son’s marriage to gamma-powered lawyer Jennifer Walters, flips out after enormous pressure (this was during “Civil War” after Parker unmasked) and attacks Jen Walters with the first Spider-Slayer robot during a family dinner. Jen, of course, easily dispatches the robot. It all becomes water under the bridge, however, when Jen offers to help sue Spider-Man, though she does admit to Jonah’s son, John, that she can drag it out in court for years. Huh, so I guess this does involve Spider-Man a little bit, after all… Oh, Jonah…

 

6. Hires Daniel Berkhart (Mysterio II) to Defeat Spider-Man

 

 

 

Last month’s Spider-Tracer article went into more depth on this one last month, but to sum it up, in “The Amazing Spider-Man” #141-142, Jameson paid the then-new Mysterio, Daniel Berkhart, to take down Spider-Man. But, as with most of these schemes, Spidey won out after he figured out that the Mysterio he was fighting wasn’t the original or his ghost, and was able to stop Berkhart with some clever thinking. Berkhart threatened to come clean about Jameson’s involvement, which prompted the “fearless” newspaperman to skip town and head to France. Of course, he did end up getting held hostage over there, so I guess the ol’ Spider-Karma did pay him a well-deserved visit for his behind the scenes actions.

 

5. Hires Electro to Fight Spider-Man on Live TV

 

 

Heyyyyy, it’s Electro again! In “The Amazing Spider-Man” Vol.1 #82, Jameson pays Electro to fight Spider-Man on a live TV guest spot, hoping to humiliate the hero. Well, Electro gets grounded, but the feedback from doing so does singe Spidey a little. Not the desired effect he was hoping for, but JJJ didn’t lose a dime, either. I guess one might call this a draw, eh? But seriously, this was the crook who stole his safe back in issue 9, what was JJJ thinking? Maybe his memory isn’t quite what it used to be.

 

4. Hires Luke Cage to Go After Spider-Man

 

 

What’s a guy to do when his good friend is murdered? Oh, and that of an innocent college student? You hire a superhero to go after the party you hold responsible… dead or alive! This is exactly what J. Jonah Jameson did when he hired Luke Cage to go after Spider-Man in “The Amazing Spider-Man” #123. During the midst of their slugfest, Cage realized Spider-Man was not to blame for the deaths of Norman Osborn or Gwen Stacy, even giving Jameson his money back. Hey, at least this bad idea didn’t cause problems for Jameson for years to come like the next three entries on our list.

 

3. Funds the Creation of the Human Fly

 

 

How did this idea wind up so high on the list, you ask? Think about it. The guy you’re going after patterns himself after a spider. So… sending a guy patterned after a fly would be the next logical step, right? If you said yes… Hi, Jonah! Seriously though, this idea not only winds up so high on our list because of what a terrible idea it was, but because the Fly is quite possibly one of, if not the grossest villain to ever battle Spider-Man. Not only does he eat garbage, but he can dissolve and eat people with the help of acidic vomit! And, like a lot of the terrible things Jonah has done on this list, it came back to bite JJJ when the Human Fly tried to kill JJJ for funding his creation. Fun fact: Farley Stillwell had a brother, Harlan; would you believe that he, too was a scientist who could genetically modify human DNA with that of traits from the animal kingdom? Oh, and they’re both dead as a result of their actions. Harlan’s dumpster loving creation first appeared in “The Amazing Spider-Man Annual” #10.

 

2. Funds the Spider-Slayers (more than once!)

 

 

You have to give Jonah credit for trying. When his previous scheme (see #1 on our list) failed, Jameson agreed to fund and even pilot scientist Spencer Smythe’s robotic Spider-Slayers, which first occurred in “The Amazing Spider-Man” Vol. 1, #25. And oh no, he didn’t stop after the first attempt; several more models were put into production over the following years. In fact, Jonah even met his second wife Marla Madison when he tried funding a different scientist to create the then-new model of Spider-Slayer. Every attempt to use one of these robots failed, eventually turning Spencer Smythe from mild mannered scientist into a crazed mad scientist, and his eventual destruction. This would, in turn, lead to Alistaire Smythe picking up where his father left off; however, not only did he try to kill Spider-Man, but JJJ, as well. While the Spider-Slayers helped Jameson find love again, it also led to the eventual death of his wife Marla in one of Alistaire’s crazed revenge schemes. In the long run, these mechanized menaces only brought everyone involved in their creation heartbreak.

 

1. Funds the Scorpion’s Creation

 

 

The most dastardly thing J. Jonah Jameson has ever done had to be, without a doubt, funding the Scorpion’s creation, which occurred in “The Amazing Spider-Man” Vol.1, #20. Wanting a champion to publicly defeat and unmask Spider-Man, Jameson commissioned Farley Stillwell to turn private investigator Mac Gargan into Spider-Man’s superior. However, the process messed with Gargan’s mind, and he went on a murderous rampage. The Scorpion went on to menace society dozens of times afterwards, even trying to get revenge on Jonah for his hand in his creation.  In trying to take down one masked man, Jonah created another that was far, far worse.

 

And that’s my list. Which of Jonah’s kooky schemes or bad ideas were your favorite? Did I miss yours? If so, what was it? As usual, let me know in the comments below!