Cobwebs #58: A Very Spidey Christmas

Just as every true Star Wars fan will sit through the Holiday Special, now every true Spider-Man fan will also face a similar trial by fire to prove his/her devotion to the wall crawler – the Spider-Man Christmas album! All this and a Christmas Quiz too (you’ll have to get to the bottom for that one)!

In the recent Spider-Man: Into the Spider-verse movie (read Grant’s review and Javi’s review), one of the Spider-Men had made a Christmas album. Well, every fan left the movie thinking, “They should make that album!” In a classic “be careful what you wish for” moment, they did. The whole gloriously awful album. And merry Christmas to us – it’s all free online!

So, even though this column is supposed to be about Spider-History, I felt like recording history in the making! So, if you have the stomach for it, here is the whole album:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQW7dCK4FDY

Here’s a quick break down of each:

Joy to the World

By Shameik Moore – Shameik is the voice of Miles Morales in the movie. This is not his first foray into the Christmas scene, after having voiced-starred in the timeless classic An Elf’s Story: The Elf on the Shelf made for TV movie, so starting the album with Shameik is the obvious choice. Just as An Elf’s Story has surely become a seasonal staple in your household, so will Moore’s version of “Joy to the World”.

Spidey Bells (A Hero’s Lament)

By Chris Pine – Yes, the Chris Pine that starred as Captain Kirk in the Star Trek remake. Move over, Batman! You no longer have the market covered on the Jingle Bells parody! Sadly, the web address (www.gofundme.com/spideywebfluidfund) quoted at the end of the song to help fund Spidey’s web fluid costs does not work. So, if you are looking to make a little cash this season, you might want to claim it fast. They play “Spidey Bells” in the end credits, and if you haven’t seen the movie yet, stick around for the end credits!

Deck the Halls

By Jake Johnson – no, not the one from Talledega Nights: the Ballad of Ricky Bobby, this is the one who voiced Peter Parker in Spider-Verse. He’s also from New Girl and, of course, the voice of Grouchy Smurf in The Smurfs: The Lost Village (another one of Sony’s amazing success stories). With a shout out to Mary Jane, “Deck the Halls” is sure to be on constant loop in the Chi-Town household. We all have to save each other.

Up on the Housetop

By Chris Pine – well, after his all-star performance on “Spidey-Bells”, who couldn’t have seen him coming back to do a Spider-take on the housetop classic. The original has been around since 1864, so it was time to put a fresh spin to it and some thwip-thwips! In my opinion, this might very well be the best of the album and might be one that I can sneak onto my wife’s iTunes Christmas loops.

‘Twas the Night Before Christmas 1967 (Spoken Word)

By Jorma Taccone – yes, the very same Jorma Taccone that voiced Shakespeare in The Lego Movie. This is one of the oldest Christmas poems in the English language and I am thrilled beyond what is necessary that Spidey actually pronounces the name ‘Donder’ instead of ‘Donner’. Yes, that’s right, true believers, the reindeer’s name has that extra d in it and you only think it doesn’t because the singer of “Rudolph” mispronounced it. Now you know, and that’s one to grow on. Plus it is an excellent bit of trivia to throw out around the Christmas dinner table this year. Trust me. “‘Twas the Night Before Christmas 1967” is sure to be a new tradition before your kiddies go to bed on Christmas Eve.

Thanks!

A big thanks goes to Mohammed for letting me know the album was coming out!

Need More?

Why not read some old Cobwebs Christmas articles. May I suggest “Where’s My Shwinn?!” and “Kingpin Santa”.

What About That Quiz?

Ok, Ok. I put together a Christmas trivia quiz for my students who were ahead of their work on the last day of classes. See how much you know! Go to https://join.quizizz.com and enter the code
217351 . Don’t be ashamed to post your score in the comments section!