Spider-Tracer: Costume Fails

Let’s face it: Being Spider-Man isn’t easy. Whether it’s facing his best friend’s dad in a battle to the death, dealing with a penny pinching boss who hates his alter ego’s guts,  or worrying how he’s going to pay for his sickly aunt’s hospital bills, Spider-Man’s got it rough. Did I forget to mention the costume fails?

 

Oh yes, the costume fails. Over the years, Spider-Man’s had to improvise with what he’s had available to him when his regular costume becomes unavailable or damaged. Some are memorable, while others… well, let’s just say that my hands would be webbed to my keyboard if Spidey knew where I lived. But, since he doesn’t, let’s discuss those, too.

 

Going all the way back to Amazing Fantasy #15 (1962), we see the first improvised Spider-Man costume, or as Crusher Hogan called him, “a little Masked Marvel”. Peter wanted to win $100 for being able to stay in the ring with Hogan for three minutes, and we get this quickly tossed together ensemble. It looks to be made of a white long sleeve shirt, a pair of high, sock exposing pants, and… a fishnet for the mask? Keep in mind, Peter hadn’t made his webbing yet, plus it would have smothered him. It’s fortunate for Peter that Maxie Shiffman saw potential in him, because otherwise, this was a terrible outfit, and definitely forgettable. Thankfully, after beating Hogan in the ring, Peter makes his more recognizable outfit that we all know and love today. Those sewing lessons with Aunt May really paid off, huh Peter?

 

 

Fast forward a few years, and following an encounter with the first Spider-Slayer robot (Amazing Spider-Man Vol. 1, #25), Peter was down not one, but two costumes. One costume Aunt May had found and gotten rid of, while the other costume was used as a decoy to escape the Spider-Slayer (though the use of some clever web puppeteer work. So in the following issue, (#26), Spider-Man needed an outfit to deal with not only the Green Goblin, but then-new villain, the Crime-Master. Peter was fortunate enough to find a costume shop selling a Spider-Man costume for a good price. However, this costume was super stretchy so that it could be “one-size-fits-all” and it was constantly coming off. Peter even had to web it on at one point so that it would stop coming off. After another issue of this, Peter secretly exchanged the store-bought outfit with his real one, which Spencer Smythe had held onto, in Amazing Spider-Man #28. Good thing, too, because Peter was about to have his hands full with the Molten Man.

 

 

Amazing Spider-Man #82 (Volume 1) would begin a long, unofficial tradition of Spider-Man using a paper bag to conceal his identity. With one outfit torn and the other dirty, Spidey needed a costume for a television appearance. Figuring that it would be easiest to wash the dirty outfit, Peter found that the local laundromat was crowded. He couldn’t let anyone see who it was washing a Spider-Man outfit for fear of being recognized, so he donned a paper bag while he waited for his outfit to get cleaned and dried.

 

 

Years later in Amazing Spider-Man #258, after his black, symbiotic costume was forcefully removed with some help from Reed Richards and Johnny Storm, Spider-Man needed an outfit to use to get home. Four-tunately, the FF had a spare uniform for him to have, complete with a paper bag to hide his face. But Johnny figured why stop there, and gave ol’ Web-Head a “Kick Me” sign on his back to go with it. What a friend… This would probably be the most infamous of these “Bag-Man” occurrences, showing up everywhere from toys to video games.

 

 

And finally, years later in Spectacular Spider-Man #256, Spider-Man was wanted for a murder he didn’t commit, and in order to fight the White Rabbit, Peter donned a third paper bag-themed identity, this time calling himself the Bombastic Bag-Man. Soon, Peter would create the Dusk, Prodigy, Hornet, and Ricochet identities to spare himself further-bag induced embarrassment.

 

 

A few years prior to his third bagged outing, Spectacular Spider-Man #205 concluded with Spider-Man having his mask pulled off in a fight with Tombstone. Thankfully the Black Cat lent him her mask (which was surprisingly shown to be two pieces) the following issue so he could get home to grab his spare mask. It’s also a good thing he didn’t make any stops on the way, because I fail to see how such a mask was really going to protect his secret identity.

 

 

If we rewind the clock back a little further still to Amazing Spider-Man #113, Peter was forced to “borrow” a Spider-Man mask from a costume shop. And, much like most average Spider-Man masks, this mask didn’t have one way eye pieces, leaving his eyes exposed.

 

 

A few years later in Amazing Spider-Man # 213, Peter, the clever guy that he is, decides to wash his costume in homemade detergent. Turns out he left the outfit soaking for too long, and not only did the costume fade, but even the web-lines disappeared. Oops!

 

 

Peter later found himself in Germany some years down the road in Spider-Man vs Wolverine #1, and when the need to become Spider-Man arose… he didn’t have his costume with him! So, after yet another trip to a costume shop, this costume looked surprisingly well… aside from the words “Die Spinne” (translated as “The Spider”) printed across the red spider symbol on his back. Nothing’s perfect, I suppose.

 

 

What happens when some kid steals your web-shooters and costume? Isn’t it obvious? You steal a nearby paint-covered tarp and try to block out the laughs and name-calling, especially when the Green Goblin is causing trouble (even if it was a clone). This all occurred in Peter Parker: Spider-Man Volume 2, #18.

 

 

Then there was the time in Spectacular Spider-Man #214 when Spidey’s costume got a little shredded fighting Typhoid Mary. With some well-placed webbing to hold the whole thing together, we get… Spider-Ninja!

 

 

And let us not forget the somewhat recent incident in Amazing Spider-Man Volume 3, #1, when a battle with Gypsy Moth (or “Skein”, if you prefer), left Spidey with nothing but a mask, forcing him to make some webbed Underoos.

 

 

It’s kind of the opposite of this look from Adjectiveless Spider-Man #89, when a battle with the vigilante named Shotgun forced him to make a web mask.

 

 

And from around that same time, Spider-Man needed to “ad-lib”, as he put it, with nothing more than a hoodie (oh how Ben Reilly would be proud) in Amazing Spider-Man # 433. This was right around the third Bag-Man incident when a reward was out for Spider-Man when he was framed for murder; he couldn’t very well go swinging around the city in his regular outfit, of course.

 

 

And there you have it, some of the more memorable, as well as embarrassing costume fails from Spider-Man’s long career. I know one of my favorites would have to be the second Bag-Man (complete with FF costume), but what do you guys think? Be sure to let me know in the comments section below.