101 Unpleasant Ways For Ben Reilly To Die

Due to recent events in the pages of Amazing Spider-Man, I now present you with a list of 101 Unpleasant Ways For Ben Reilly To Die. I wrote half this list on a napkin while eating a bacon & pork sausage omelette at IHOP this morning. Enjoy!

1) Stabbed by hippies
2) Swallowed by a Megalodon
3) Baked into a cake
4) Reading a Marvel event
5) Stegron’s tail
6) Flattened by an industrial press
7) Throat torn out by a honey badger
8) Trapped in a junkyard car crusher
9) Being recycled
10) Entombed in arctic ice
11) Lava in the lungs
12) Hunger and/or dehydration
13) Eaten alive by rats
14) Disemboweled with a linoleum knife
15) Teleported into the sun
16) Sucking exhaust fumes from a tailpipe
17) Stomach wound
18) Dissolved in acid
19) Molten metal poured over head
20) Crushed on a ride in Disneyland
21) Dismembered with a hatchet
22) Impaled by an elephant tusk
23) Consumed by piranha
24) Loneliness
25) Radiation burns
26) Atoms scattered in a particle accelerator
27) Ants
28) Rabies
29) Rainforest parasites
30) Shot by duck hunters while webswinging
31) Maury Povich marathon
32) Rat poison
33) Flayed
34) Buried in cement
35) Giant anaconda
36) Nickelback
37) Slowly digested over a thousand years in the belly of the all-powerful sarlacc
38) Syphilis
39) Pulled apart by raptors
40) Dental infection
41) Vacation cruise on the Titanic
42) Decapitated by a hippo
43) Xenomorph chestburster
44) Punched through sternum & chest cavity
45) Manhole cover thrown into cranium
46) Head gnawed off by Ultimate Blob
47) Vivisection
48) Stomped by gorillas
49) From shame
50) Mauled by hungry bears
51) Head eaten by female Praying Mantis
52) Gangrene
53) Keelhauled
54) Killed by giant rabbit stampede
55) First three minutes of any CSI episode
56) Running out of air in an old bank vault
57) Cliff diving
58) Bees
59) Trapped in a blast furnace
60) Mustard gas
61) Seppuku
62) Eating raw cookie dough
63) Quicksand
64) Hung, drawn and quartered
65) Submarine implosion
66) Stuck in a tarpit
67) Brain eating amoeba
68) Hugged by Radioactive Man
69) Swallowing glass
70) Starring in an Eli Roth film
71) High sodium diet
72) Sacrificed to Kali by Mola Ram in the Temple of Doom
73) Tied to train tracks
74) Boiled as soup for cannibals
75) Sawmill accident
76) Head fed through ham slicer
77) Baseball bat head trauma in Walking Dead season premiere
78) Hit by a semi
79) Orca attack
80) Flesh eating virus
81) Killed during a fight on the Jerry Springer Show
82) Absorbed by Galactus
83) Being pickled or jellied
84) Chomped by an alligator on the Swamp People Holiday Special
85) Crotch rot
86) Losing his virginity in a slasher film
87) Electrocution
88) Being scalped
89) Bludgeoned by a claw hammer
90) Cut in half by Obi-Wan Kenobi
91) Bricked up in a wall
92) Wood chipper
93) Suffocating in a Snuggy
94) Nailgun
95) Scabies
96) Slowly grated like cheese
97) Dragged off by a pride of lions
98) Sucked into a jumbo jet engine
99) Eaten by clowns
100) Checking into the Bates Motel
101) Beaver attacking femoral artery