“As far as I’m concerned, he’s a lost cause.”
At long last, after five months, it’s the final chapter of “Learning to Crawl!” Has Peter Parker hung up the webs for good? Will Clash be “the greatest bad guy there ever was?” Will we discover the terrible, dark secret of Uncle Ben? Well, not to be a spoil sport, but the answers are “no,” “no,” and “nothing you didn’t already know.”
“Learning To Crawl: Part Five”
WRITER: Dan Slott
ARTIST: Ramón Pérez
COLORS: Ian Herring
LETTERS: VC’s Joe Caramagna
COVER: Alex Ross
ASSOCIATE EDITOR: Ellie Pyle
EDITOR: Nick Lowe
THE STORY: While Clayton Cole is gaining infamy as Clash, Peter is trying adjust to having given up his life as Spider-Man. He’s managed to get his job back with the Daily Bugle by taking photos of Clash crashing a pro-wrestling match, and thus earned enough money to pay back for the equipment he stole to build his anti-sonic emitter. However, when Aunt May asks the high school guidance counselor, Mr. Flannegan, to consider restarting Peter’s after-school sessions, he refuses, saying that her nephew is an “untrustworthy and chronic liar” and a “lost cause.” This makes Aunt May furious, and she tells Mr. Flannegan off, realizing it was Peter she should have placed her trust in all along. Peter also continues to get grief not just from Flash but from his former friends at the A.V. Club, who make sure to pelt him hard with rubber balls during dodge ball, which Peter could easily avoid but chooses not to. Even Polly McKenna, who seems at least sorry for him, is too ashamed to even sit with him during lunch. In the meantime, Clayton, still riding high on people noticing him as Clash, calls up Polly to see if they could hang out.
As Peter sulks in his room, Aunt May enters, apologizing for “pawing off [his] problems to other people” instead of taking the time to talk to him. She asks Peter if Uncle Ben ever gave him his speech about power and responsibility, and Peter says he did, Aunt May ask “But do you know what he meant by it?” She explains that it means everyone has been given gifts, and it was a person’s responsibility to share them with others. One of Uncle Ben’s gifts was his “heart,” something which Peter also has. And the other gift they shared was making people laugh and knowing how to have fun, which she shows by pretending to spit out her dentures and freaking Peter out, only for them to actually be a set of chattering novelty teeth. Thus, inspired by this pep talk, Peter realized that, instead of just honoring how Uncle Ben died, he must honor how Uncle Ben lived, and now knows how to be both Peter Parker and Spider-Man.
The next day, when Clayton goes to Midtown High pick up Polly, he loses confidence in himself, but decides to ask her out as Clash instead. After attacking the other A.V. Club kids when they attempt to protect Polly, Peter changes into Spidey, this time using his “Patented Parker Patter” to distract Clash and make the other students, as they laugh at Spidey’s jokes, less afraid. Clash attempts to playback the recorded laughter and other sounds against Spidey, causing part of the roof to collapse, almost hitting Polly until Spidey pulls her out of harm’s way. This makes Clash even angrier that Spidey’s “ruining” his chances with Polly, and his loss of focus allows Spidey to web him up. Spidey takes off Clash’s mask and, remembering Clayton as the first person whoever got his autograph, tells him he’s giving him a new one, and signs his note “Courtesy of your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man!” And so the comic ends with Spidey, saying to Uncle Ben “you were more than a father [and] a role model…you were my hero” and that “from now on, I’m going to be yours!”
THOUGHTS: Back when “Learning to Crawl” was first announced, and when it was revealed it would take place during when Peter first became Spider-Man, the most pertinent question readers and fans alike were asking was: “What’s the point?” As the series went underway, and in spite of it being better written than what Dan Slott was doing over in the relaunched Amazing Spider-Man, along with some excellent, Ditkoesque art by Ramon Perez, readers and fan were still asking “What’s the point?” Now that the story is over, and having been one of those who believed that the overall importance of “Learning to Crawl” to the Spider-Man mythology didn’t really matter so long as we got a good story, I find myself asking the very same question those readers and fans have asked all along: “What’s the point?”
Not that Amazing Spider-Man #1.5 is a bad comic. Just as in the previous issues, this last part is still a decently told, well-illustrated, character-driven story, one in which Peter has been the most likable and sympathetic he has been in some time. In addition, Aunt May gets a genuine chance to shine and be more than just a “silly old lady” in her standing up for Peter against Mr. Flannegan’s condemnation and prejudice towards him, and her inspirational talk with Peter. The conversation between them in Peter’s bedroom is equally amusing and touching, a very effective scene which, for the most part, successed in its intentions at being the heart-and-soul of both the issue and “Learning to Crawl.” Also well-crafted was the final confrontation between Spidey and Clash, not just about how Perez arranged and drew the scene, but also with some clever one-liners by Slott via Spidey’s characteristic wisecracks and how strategics his sense of humor is, not only in throwing villains off their game but for making innocent bystanders feel more at ease.
Even so, the moment I came to the final—and terrific—two page spread of Spidey leaping off in triumph, surrounded by his “future” classic moment, I still couldn’t help but wonder why this comic, or any of “Learning to Crawl” for that matter, was at all necessary. Or why this five-part mini-series was so important as to interrupt Amazing Spider-Man‘s twice-a-month schedule. Sure, the notion that Peter’s true strength lies not in his super-powers or intelligence but in his compassionate heart and sense of humor, and that these were qualities passed on to him by Uncle Ben besides his lesson that “with great power comes great responsibility” is good when it comes to retroactively developing Peter as a character. But as theme for Spider-Man, it unfortunately isn’t nearly as revelatory, insightful, or profound as this story so desperately wants it to be. This is something even the most causal and newest of Spider-Man fans could have figured out without having to read any of “Learning to Crawl,” and for long-time fans, it’s rather frustrating in having to read yet another story in which Peter decides to quit being Spider-Man until an inspirational pep talk and memories of Uncle Ben, “Patron Saint of Forest Hills,” changes his mind. Considering how this story is supposed to be taking place not long before one of those very stories (the original Amazing Spider-Man #3 where he suffered what is now, retroactively, his second publicly humiliating defeat), it not only makes Spidey’s promise to Uncle Ben seem trite but downright absurd. At least those types of Spider-Man stories usually didn’t take five whole issues just to get the same exact point across.
Then there’s Clash, who the promotional material built-up as this great new addition to Spider-Man’s rogue’s gallery, a villain we were told was created and designed as if he could’ve been created by Stan Lee and Steve Ditko themselves. Only, having now read “Learning to Crawl” in its entirety, along with the back-up story which introduced him in Amazing Spider-Man (2014) #1, Clash didn’t live up to being the next Green Goblin or Doctor Octopus. Nor did he even live up to being the next Vulture, Electro, Mysterio, Sandman, or Kraven the Hunter. Instead, he wound up being the next Looter.
Sure, the idea of Spidey having a copycat bad guy, someone who at first tries to emulate and then, out of disillusionment, “upstage” him is a good concept; problem is that Clash never developed beyond being anything more than a disillusioned copycat. When even the story makes the point many times over that Clash is nothing but an unimaginative poser, what reason should anyone, much less the readers, take him seriously? And after four issues in which Clayton Cole’s motives have been sketchy at best, to have them be definitely revealed it was all about him wanting attention, no matter what kind it was, seems too little, too late. When all is said and done, Clash is nothing more than an overrated low-tier villain who can barely make it to bush league, a novelty who, if someone does not decide to revisit him in the near future, will remain as such. Also, for a comic which promised to show the “fate that kept [Clash] secret all these years,” having it be that he was captured by Spidey is pretty weak when this has happened to almost every single villain Spidey has ever gone up against. It just raises the question about why we spent so much time and panel space devoted to Clash all the more.
Moreover, unless Slott plans to re-introduce them in upcoming issues of Amazing Spider-Man, all the new supporting characters have proved to be irrelevant and unimportant. This is because while Slott did a wonderful job in characterizing a younger Peter Parker, and a somewhat adequate albeit problematic job with Clayton Cole, the new characters such as Mr. Flannegan and Polly McKenna have wound up being nothing more than paper-thin plot-devices. For example, while it was great to see Aunt May tell off Mr. Flannegan, his writing off Peter as a lost cause, and thus showing he’s not nearly as dedicated to helping problem students as he lets on, seems to come out of nowhere because he’s so underdeveloped. Slott already faced an uphill battle in having a flashback story with characters we’ve never seen before in any Spider-Man comic, but you would think, with five issues to work with, he’d taken a bit more effort in fleshing them out so as to not have them be so forgettable or inconsequential.
Again, I want to stress that Amazing Spider-Man #1.5, and “Learning to Crawl” is not a bad comic book story; in fact, I would even go so far as to say it’s one of the better depictions of Peter Parker Dan Slott has written. But is “Learning to Crawl” an essential, must-read Spider-Man story? Not when compared to some of the other Spider-Man comics and trades out on the market. If you want to read “forgotten” Spider-Man stories taking place during the days of Stan Lee and Steve Ditko’s run, then you might as well hunt down a copy of Kurt Busiek’s Untold Tales of Spider-Man Omnibus. Or better yet, if you wanted to read Spider-Man stories taking place during the Stan Lee and Steve Ditko run, then pick up the first Essentials, Masterworks, or Omnibus volume of Amazing Spider-Man which are written and illustrated by Stan Lee and Steve Ditko. If you haven’t been picking up copies of Amazing Spider-Man #1.1 to #1.5, then I suppose you could always trade wait if you really wanted to read it, but it’s really nothing more than well-told, well-drawn, but ultimately a derivative and unimportant supplementary story.
C+
NERDY NITPICKS:
- So let’s follow Clash’s logic here, shall we? Last time, he went into a near homicidal rage over how J. Jonah Jameson called him a Spider-Man poser. So how does Clash attempt to dissuade his status as a Spider-Man poser in this issue? By crashing a pro-wrestling ring just like Spidey did. Like I said, not exactly someone we can take seriously as a threat when the story itself is pointing out that Clash really is a poser.
- I’m surprised Peter even has any fond memories of Midtown High considering just how inconsiderate and inattentive the entire faculty appears to have been. Not only is the guidance counselor willing to toss troubled kids to the wolves, but where the heck is the PE teacher during dodge-ball practice? Yeah, I get that when you have a bunch of kids throwing over-sized rubber balls every which way, it’s hard to keep up some semblance of order and discipline, but no way would any teacher allow for Flash to outright trip and shove Peter to the ground if they were watching what was going on. Then again, where were the teachers protecting the students when Clash showed up at the school?
- Something tells me that groupie who got the Clash tattoo got it from the same parlor where, years later, Carlie Cooper almost get her Green Goblin tattoo. Because why would any respectable tattoo parlor in the Marvel Universe even ink people with images of super-villains? Also, that groupie is so going to regret having that tattoo given how, based on this story, no one heard of Clash ever again after Spidey caught him.
- Speaking of which, what about Clash’s parents? No reaction about their pride and joy being a super-villain?
- I admit, I was just as freaked out as Peter was during Aunt May’s teeth gag. However, unlike Peter, I did not have the benefit of being able to see the very large wind up mechanism jutting out of the side of the teeth until after-the-fact. Either that, or Peter really did need a new pair of glassess. Also, wouldn’t Peter’s spider-sense have triggered before Aunt May tosses out those pair of novelty teeth? Sure, they aren’t what one would consider a threat, but it did startle him all the same, and we’ve seen the spider-sense be triggered even from something as mundane as someone who didn’t mean him harm tapping him on the shoulder from behind. Then again, spider-sense is the most inconsistently depicted of Spidey’s super powers.
- You know, Flash? For someone who’s Spidey’s biggest fan, you looked really annoyed when you said, “Way to go, webhead!” after his “jazz hands” joke. Especially since it was actually funny. Though you certainly made up for it when you had that beaming smile on your face after Spidey caught Clash and corrected that one kid on Spidey’s name.
- Oh look! It’s Spidey by an American flag, right when we have this very inspirational monologue to close out the comic! So that’s where Sam Raimi got the idea from.
- By the way, Pete? About you saying “I’ll never quit and it’s going to be amazing?” Uncle Ben is going to be face-palming himself up in Heaven come Amazing Spider-Man (1963) #3. And Amazing Spider-Man (1963) #18. And Amazing Spider-Man (1963) #50. And Amazing Spider-Man (1963) #100. And Amazing Spider-Man (1963) #275…sort of. And Spectacular Spider-Man #229. And Spider-Man #98. Hmm…maybe Mr. Flannegan was right about you being a chronic liar, after all.
Apple Podcasts
Google Podcasts
Spotify
Pandora
Amazon Music
iHeartRadio
Podbean
Amazon Alexa
Player.fm
Listen Notes
Stitcher
“By the way, Pete? About you saying “I’ll never quit and it’s going to be amazing?” Uncle Ben is going to be face-palming himself up in Heaven come Amazing Spider-Man (1963) #3. And Amazing Spider-Man (1963) #18. And Amazing Spider-Man (1963) #50. And Amazing Spider-Man (1963) #100. And Amazing Spider-Man (1963) #275…sort of. And Spectacular Spider-Man #229. And Spider-Man #98. Hmm…maybe Mr. Flannegan was right about you being a chronic liar, after all.”
A person can’t lie about something that hasn’t happened yet. It’s easy to comment in hindsight.
“…all the new supporting characters have proved to be irrelevant and unimportant.”
Just because a supporting character is introduced, doesn’t mean that character now needs a recurring role.
I enjoyed Learning to Crawl to a point. It was a well-told story, in of itself, even if it doesn’t jive with continuity and opens up questions about what happened to Clash.
“…no way would any teacher allow for Flash to outright trip and shove Peter to the ground if they were watching what was going on.”
I remember senior year of high school I was in PE class playing floor hockey. I went to play a puck along the retracted bleachers and became victim of a hard check. The PE teacher saw this and ripped the kid a new one for the dangerous play. I believe he got kicked out of the gym for the rest of class. Good times.
“What’s the point?” Well, I thought it was going to be to tell a story set during the Lee/Ditko era, but that idea quickly went away. What I got out of it is that the ONLY purpose of this was to introduce Clash as a Lee/Ditko era villain that could appear in the current book ASAP. Slott knows how tough it has been to introduce a new villain that stays around (Hobgoblin, Venom and Carnage are the only real ones since Lee/Romita), so this way he could create a new villain but can say “he’s really a classic Spidey villain, like the Sandman or the Vulture!”
“Instead, he wound up being the next Looter.” Prepare to be bombarded with hatemail from LooterFans.net
I got a laugh out of your last Nerdy Nitpick. “I’ll never quit and it’s going to be amazing.” I think there was a Spider-Man Quits category in Spider-Jeopardy a few years ago.
Just for fun, I tried re-reading these issues along with the first few issues of ASM in my Marvel Masterworks. They do not fit at all.
Enh, this was Slott’s shot at an UTOS. One after-effect is that it brought out once again that Slott doesn’t write an -adult- Peter Parker well. His pattern has been to infantilize him. But what is infantile in the adult Peter looks realistic in a young teen-age character.
@ #1 Franz29 — Thanks, Franz! I will say though that, if we’re comparing Alpha and Clash, Clash, while like Alpha in terms of his lack of memorability, is actually a better character. I believe Jesse Schedeen of IGN was correct in saying “Clash comes across as a more successful attempt at what Slott was trying to accomplish with Alpha a couple years ago.”
@ #3 Jay —
I agree, Jay. However, my main point is did Slott really need five whole issues in order to tell us this. Also, let’s not forget that the way this series was advertised, including by Slott himself, was that it was “It’s everything you didn’t know about the story you know by heart. It’s not a retelling. It’s not a re-imagining. It’s a story that you never knew before.” And I would contend that, while we had new situations, the overall themes were things we already knew before.
Agreed, and I do believe he’s going to show up at some point (most likely after “Spider-Verse”) in future issues of ASM. I’m just saying that, right now, Clash isn’t quite at the level of notable villains that “Learning to Crawl” tried to promote him as. But yes, that could change. After all, look what Superior Foes of Spider-Man did for Overdrive in making him a more fleshed out character.
@ #4 Evan — Thank you, good sir! 🙂
@ #8 RDMacQ —
That’s right, ASM #665. I forgot all about that story. Good comparison. And yes, while that story was trying get across the message that being with friends and family in their time of need is the most important thing one can do, the way it was set up meant Spidey letting the guy who attacked Betty go until he track him down later, even though that meant potentially letting a criminal go free to commit more crimes which, as you said, is how his Uncle died in the first place.
@ #10 Frontier — Thanks, good sir. And I echo your eloquent sentiments, as well. 🙂
@ #11 Anonymous Jones — Indeed. And panels before that, when you think it’s actually Aunt May’s false teeth, look even creepier.
@#12 and #15 Ozymandias — Thanks, Ozy. And nice mini write-up.
@ #14 DCMarvelFanGuy — Mark Ginocchio of Chasing Amazing is, indeed, a great reviewer and critic, and in reading his review of Amazing Spider-Man #1.5, there’s not a whole lot in what he writes out that I disagree with–especially what he says about the scene between Peter and Aunt May being, as I also pointed out in my review, the “heart and soul” of the book.
That being said, citing Paul Jenkins’ “The Best Medicine” (which is great, BTW) actually addresses the point I was making in the review: the idea that Peter didn’t just get his sense of responsibility from Uncle Ben but also his compassion and sense of humor isn’t something that hasn’t been explored before. And while I agree that it’s nice to remind readers that Spidey isn’t just about having powers, intelligence, great responsibility, and guilt, as Paul Jenkins showed, you can do this with one issue instead of taking five issues just to make the same point.
@ #14
Having read the review, I need to quote Benny Hill:
“After that, what can I say? Rubbish!”
A sense of humour is not a super power!
@14
As long as we’re discussing our feelings about this work, these are mine: http://spiderman.boards.net/thread/47/spider-man-learning-crawl
I really don’t understand the negativity to the “leave ’em laughing” bit. Peter will always feel guilt for Uncle Ben’s death but that’s not what the scene was trying to say. The whole “Uncle Ben being a prankster” was established in Paul Jenkins run on Peter Parker in issue 20: http://marvel.wikia.com/Peter_Parker:_Spider-Man_Vol_2_20
Also, I just wanted to leave this review from Chasing Amazing. Mark pretty much echos how I feel: http://www.chasingamazingblog.com/2014/09/26/amazing-spider-man-1-5-and-softening-the-blow/
I’m giving this a big fat G – lower even than F- because….come on!!
“Leave ’em laughing” is the big, fat, unrevealed lesson from Uncle Ben?
More like “leave ’em gagging”. One of the dumbest, stand-alone, non-canonical
wastes of all time.
The only saving grace is the art.
It’s reassuring, reading the article and the comments, here. In other sites, they talk about this LS, as if it were good.
You know, it’s a good thing there are speech bubbles in the last three panels of the scene with May and Peter that you posted, ‘Nerd. Because if there weren’t it would be really damn creepy.
On the one hand, I agree that in the end there wasn’t anything really new or momentous that this series really introduced or tackled, and on that front and considering how Marvel advertised it the series was definitely a failure. Even Clash, the villain who was promoted so much for this series, ultimately didn’t amount to much as he ends the book webbed up like any other bad guy and the dichotomy built up between him and Peter ended up not factoring into their final encounter. Of course, Slott is likely going to bring him back after Spider-Verse and make him come off in-universe as a “classic Lee and Ditko villain finally back after all these years to get revenge on Spidey,” which is probably the biggest relevance this mini will have to Amazing. But considering his treatment at the end, it probably won’t work as well as Slott was hoping and shoving him into the mythos seems completely unnecessary after this issue.
But… having said all that, I have to say I actually really enjoyed this mini-series. It didn’t touch any new ground, and in fact retread a lot of old ground, but all the same it was fun to read and see Slott’s depiction of this period of Peter and the marvel universe (anachronistic as it was). There were some genuinely good character moments, good art, dynamic action, and some cool tie-ins to some classic Spidey issues. Maybe I’m just happy to be reading a Slott comic focusing on Peter that’s a much better read than Amazing, and that it’s redundancy bothers me less than the fact that I actually enjoyed it from start to finish. For me that’s more important than whether it’s existence was necessary, even if I had to spend more money on comics than I would have had to otherwise. That’s just me though.
Great review as always Stillanerd, and as always some hilarious nitpicks.
Yeah, not a bad series but really, what was the point? Will Clash show up again in Slott’s run after Spider-Verse? Of course he will, even will probably explain that after his unmasking his parents were so shocked and hurt. They sent him away to boarding school and Clayton decided to just be a regular guy for the next 13 years and of course. Decides to become a villain again. The school cast, just bad and of course just trying to repeat with Peter saying: “I won’t let you down again Uncle Ben.” Yeah, been there done that. Hey look Spider-Man 2099!
Not really surprised the ending ended up being lackluster. Slott tends to have a problem with thinking that he’s come up with some great revelation that no one ever thought of that changes everything we knew about the franchise, but he just tends to either go over ground that has already been covered- if not better- by others, or his “revelations” end up undermining everything about the character.
I’m reminded of Slott’s “revelation” of “Spider-Man’s Biggest Sin” early in his Big Time run, where he “revealed” Peter’s “sin” of not comforting Aunt May during the night of Ben’s death. He ramped this up as this sort of major revelation, a massive game changer. But all it did was make Aunt May look like a selfish harpy, and made Peter forget the most important lesson he learned that night, by letting another criminal go when he had a chance to stop him.
The series, in the end, added nothing that the fans didn’t already know, and just confused things chronologically rather than clear things up. I wouldn’t be surprised if- in a few years- this is relegated to the same bin as “Spider-Man: Chapter One,” and becomes just another forgotten “chapter” in Spider-Man’s past.
@ #2 Superfluous – ain’t it though?! 😀
@ #3 See above comment.
Slott’s complete failure to resolve why Clash never appears again really hampered my enjoyment of this issue. All the press releases droned on about the ‘event’ that stopped Clash from appearing again, and hyped it up as being this huge thing. Then the ‘event’ turns out be Spidey webbing him up like a common thug.
“Wound up being the next Looter.”
Owch!
Your second-to-last Nerdy Nitpick made me smile (And I always thought Sam Raimi was so creative. Sigh), and your last one made me laugh out loud. Wonderful review.
I feel like the whole point of the series has been missed by the reader. This origin series wasn’t about the big things made Spider-Man a hero. It’s about all the small things of who Peter Parker is that make him Spider-Man. This final issue was all about the Parker humor, and how important that is to the Spider-Man mythos. And that was something else he got from Uncle Ben.
And whose to say Clash can’t become a bigger villain? I doubt he’ll reach the highest levels of villainy like Doc Ock or Venom, but this feels like an origin story. If an older Clash comes back, with a true sense of vengeance toward Spider-Man, it could be interesting. It all just depends on the story. Depth has been added to villains like the Sandman and Rhino decades after their creation.
Peter’s declaration in this issue that he would keep Uncle Ben laughing gave me the impression that this series was basically trying to explain why Spidey uses humor when fighting villains, which is something I really feel we did not need any deep explanation for. This review pretty well sums up the “meh” feeling I am left with now that the series has ended. Not a terrible mini-series, but still superfluous.
Nice review and basically summed up my feelings. As a story, I enjoyed it. As an introspection on Peter, yes it worked (if you ignore the placement in the timeline and treat it as a stand-alone), but in the end? What was the point of it all?
Just like Alpha, Clash is a character I am NOT demanding we see again.