OH MAN I CAN’T WAIT SPIDERVERSE IS RAMPING UP SO QUICKLY WOW—wait what is this again? Oh right that Spider-Man origin story…yeah that finally ends this issue. Read ahead to see if this is a great addition to the Spider mythos, or if its a forgettable as it seems.
“Learning to Crawl: Part Five”
WRITER: Dan Slott
ARTIST: Ramón Pérez
COLORS: Ian Herring
LETTERS: VC’s Joe Caramagna
COVER: Alex Ross
ASSOCIATE EDITOR: Ellie Pyle
EDITOR: Nick Lowe
PLOT: Peter Parker sits by and lets Clash do horrible things, instead using his reign of villainy as an excuse to take pictures, and sell everything to the bugle…OUR HERO. He uses the money earned from the photography in order to pay for all of the materials he stole last issue. His now Ex-Guidance Councillor states to Aunt May that Peter is a bad apple who can’t be trusted. In Gym class even the nerds are pelting Peter with dodgeballs. For Clash on the other hand life is going great, he has groupies, and is even meeting his one off crush Polly Mckenna at the school for a date.
Back in the Parker residence, Aunt May comes in and makes some hackneyed “you’re important speech” literally just a
worse version of the great speech in Spider-Man 2 (the Spider-Man 2 where Doctor Kafka isn’t a German Man). All of this seems like typical cliche Aunt May until she pops a fake pair of chattering teeth out of her mouth to make Peter laugh. Apparently Uncle Ben was quite the prankster, and that’s the real reason Spider-Man tells jokes. This inspires Peter to live by Uncle Ben’s life, and not his death. He then goes to Midtown High, and has his final confrontation with Clash, who is beaten due to Parker’s trademark quips and life goes on.
STORY: I’ve liked Learning to Crawl throughout, but this issue came to late, and the end to the story was crazy predictable. Not to mention the ridiculousness of the timeline this issue presents. Lets recap this shall we: Spider-Man looses faith in himself while fighting Clash (which takes place after issue #2), and in between issue #2, and #3 he regains his confidence allowing him to defeat Clash. Now in what must be the span of a week Amazing Spider-Man #3 happens in which Spider-Man looses a fight (FOR THE FIRST TIME IN CONTINUITY), and he looses his faith again. It’s a completely ridiculous notion, and makes me wonder why bother attempting to connect it with previous issues at all if you are just going to completely sweep the significance of the time period under a rug.
That’s not even close to the biggest issue of this story. SPIDER-MAN says “I’ve tried to honor how you died. When I should have honored how you lived” oh right so just no more “with great power comes great responsibility”…we just gonna ignore that now? Well Slott’s stories make a lot more sense now. This one sentence puts into question the entire importance of Spider-Man. What makes Spider-Man is his unending guilt, sure other things have been a driving force in his story but this line makes no sense. Also are we to believe that Peter never told a single joke as Spider-Man until finding out that Uncle Ben liked to laugh, and have fun? OF COURSE HE LIKED TO LAUGH AND HAVE FUN he’s a damn human being. That doesn’t mean the purpose of Spider-Man telling people jokes is to make other people laugh, and have fun. Hell in this issue he uses it to unnerve Clash, and pester him into immense annoyance. Which is not using Uncle Ben’s humor for a real beneficial reason. Spider-Man has a big revelation in this issue that amounts to tiddly squat.
ART: The art, and colors in this issue remain the reason the book doesn’t get a D. Solid work on all levels from the artistic front this issue, its the plot that needed some heavy work.
ODDITIES:
- How could Aunt May do a big long monologue with those fake teeth in her mouth?
- What happened to ANY of these characters, I highly doubt Slott will bother touching on any of them, and none of them have a resolution to their stories AT ALL.
- The Guidance Councillor has a massive shift in personality because he sucks at his job I guess?
- Did we miss something as far as how Clash’s abilities work? Since when did he filter out other soundwaves, and how the hell did Peter figure that out?
- Peter watching Clash do something horrible at a Wrestling match…hmm whens the last time he just let something random happen at a wrestling match? OH RIGHT WHEN HIS DAMN UNCLE DIED AND HE LEARNED TO BE RESPONSIBLE. Out of all the places to have Peter be ignorant this was a super poor story choice
- Peter doesn’t tell jokes to alleviate the stress of the situation, he does it because Uncle Ben did it. Am I right guys? I mean this is well established in continuity…it shouldn’t even be an Oddity it’s just sooo normal.
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@12 – Spidey realizing he could use humor to unnerve his opponents and was already established in either Amazing Fantasy #16-18, or in Paul Jenkins Spidey stories (maybe both), and done much better than here.
“hat doesn’t mean the purpose of Spider-Man telling people jokes is to make other people laugh, and have fun. Hell in this issue he uses it to unnerve Clash, and pester him into immense annoyance. Which is not using Uncle Ben’s humor for a real beneficial reason. ”
Throwing off a villains rhythm by using humor seems beneficial to me.
Late reading this issue. Wish I could say I was putting it off because I knew what the quality would be but it just happened that way due to time and money.
Hey, remember when this mini-series was announced and Marvel/Slott described Clash and said that the series would explain why Clash had not appeared since then? So he gets defeated and unmasked by Spidey, and then what? I assume he got arrested but has he been in jail for 13 years? There is no resolution for his story or explanation of what happens to him.
Considering that Doc Ock was put in jail after ASM #3 for (a) taking hostages at the hospital, (b) taking over a nuclear power plant, and (c) destroying half of that plant, but was released in ASM #11 after serving his full term, I find it hard to believe that Clash, a minor, was jailed for 13 years for wrecking a science fair. I don’t think he even tried to rob anyone.
Between Alpha, Clash and Silk, Dan Slott does not have a good track record at creating new characters. I just know that the only point of this series was to introduce Clash as a classic Lee/Ditko era villain and introduce him in the current book ASAP. I’m sure Slott thinks this series and character were a resounding success and wouldn’t be surprised if he appeared in Spider-Verse – Slott is probably chomping at the bit to have him appear in ASM.
I wasn’t a big fan of the art here either, so there was almost nothing that made me feel this mini was worth buying. Such a waste.
Right from the moment this was announced, I knew the series was just going to be Slott’s attempt at saying “See? All the idiocy I’ve been doing has REALLY been a part of the franchise the entire time!” It’s especially interesting that he has Clash steal away an achievement from Slott’s favorite Spider-Man villain. Wait, sorry, I mean favorite Spider-Man CHARACTER.
About the only point I could see there being to this would be if Clash were to somehow show up during or after Spider-Verse. Maybe as part of Black Cat’s army?
“whens the last time he just let something random happen at a wrestling match? OH RIGHT WHEN HIS DAMN UNCLE DIED AND HE LEARNED TO BE RESPONSIBLE”
No, he just let something randon happen at a TV Show.
I don’t think May had the teeth in her mouth, the art shows her covering her mouth with her hand then dropping out the teeth. (She didn’t have them to hand when she came in so I just figured they were in her apron pocket – once she reaches down they do a good job of keeping the hands obscured until the reveal.
Above all though, wasn’t overly impressed by the story.
One other nitpick I had: if Peter being dishonest and trustworthy (even going so far as to be caught stealing from the school and his research assistant job) is on his permanent record, how did he later get the VERY responsible job of grad assistant at ESU? I’d figure a position with easy access to technology and radioactive materials would screen for that sort of thing. Maybe it’s different here in the UK, but I know when my wife applied for a similar position in grad school (nuclear medicine) they checked her records and did a thorough background check before accepting her.
At the very least it’s something that would have come up later in continuity (if this was written in the same time period). As it is, it’s a plot point that has no pay-off and is redundant (or wait – let me see – I have it – in Spider-Verse Morlun will be defeated because at the crux of the battle he realises Peter is totally unreliable and a thief, therefore not worth draining his life-force in case Molun himself becomes tainted. Yeah, that’s it!).
Fantastic review as always, Andrew! And interesting point about how Peter’s vow to honor Uncle Ben as he lived goes against Peter being motivated by guilt.
@#3 Spider-Matt — Yep, that was yours truly. Which means, as Andrew so astutely pointed out, Peter has two publicly humiliating defeats in which he gives up being Spider-Man until he gets two different inspirational pep talks within a span of a week.
@#5 Ryan3178 — That was the question I, too, was asking myself after reading this issue. And folks listening on the podcast know I was the one giving the highest grades to this series!
@#4- Jack Brooks- It was forgotten while it was coming out.
It still goes to the main point JR said, “Why did this book exist?” Was it Dan Slott’s way of trying to put more of his own mark on Spider-Man? Or was it a really a love letter to the Stan Lee & Steve Ditko days? Clash is stopped by unmasking him because at the time he was the only super villain/super hero wannabe who had a secret identity? So, he’s been missing for 13 years because of that? Peter gets branded a loser by the school administration and Aunt May gives them a good yell which leads to them going: “Crazy old woman.” There was no resolution to any of that. I will admit Dan Slott seems to have a better handle on Peter’s high school years than his current years. After all… that old Parker Luck remember? Really, why did this series exist again?
This is the sort of story that is entertaining at the moment , but will be forgotten in s few years hence.
My main complaint was brought up by someone on the podcast: Doc Ock didn’t deliver Peter’s first real defeat. I still liked it better than Edge of Spider-Verse #3 though
I’ve heard of doing something with nothing, but this must have been the first instance of doing nothing with something.
Heeey at least this issue as a great Alex Ross cover…just stare at its beauty my new desktop background for sure.