1994 Spider-Man Double Review-“Tablet of Time” and “Ravages of Time”

As the Neogenic Nightmare drags on, the legendary Tablet of Time gets added into the mix. Old people, babies and a kidnapping competiton are what fully sums up this rather muted two-parter.

PART 1: Credits
Written By: John Semper, Mark Hoffmeier and Stan Berkowitz
Music Composed By: Shuki Levy and Kussa Mahchi
Animation Services By: Toyko Movie Shinsha (TMS)

PART 2: Credits
Written By: John Semper, Mark Hoffmeier and Stan Berkowitz
Music Composed By: Shuki Levy and Kussa Mahchi
Animation Services By: Toyko Movie Shinsha (TMS)

THE PLOT: Archeologists have discovered the Tablet of Time, an ancient artifact that can restore youth, and have brought it to New York. Every mob boss and gangster from Silvermaine Hammerhead vy for claiming the tablet and its power. Spidey gets added into the mix once Curt Connors begins to change back into the Lizard.

LONG STORY SHORT: After three people get kidnapped more than once, Silvermaine recovers the tablet and uses it to restore his youth. But WAITAMINNIT! It turns him back into a baby. By the end of the episode, the tablet eventually gets into the hands of a mysterious man called Adrian Toomes…. 

 

 

MY THOUGHTS: This is probably the most notorious aspect of the Neogenic Nightmare, and truth be told, my lasting impression of the second season going into these reviews, aside from the Morbius storyline. As both a part of the ongoing story and as a standalone adventure, this storyline just does not hold any water at all whatsoever. It’s boring, confusing, badly animated and has that 1990s random robot/explosion thing the show has always had going for it, but not even the craziest of the time period can make this all that entertaining. That’s why the two episodes are being covered in one review, while as the Hobgoblin and X-Men arcs were done together mainly due to their iconic status in the series, there’s nothing really differentiating the two episodes here other than the titles. It’s one big long episode of general mediocrity.

As such, it’s partly the reason for the lateness of this review which on one hand is admittedly unprofessional. Most of the blame goes out to life and personal scheduling, but I fully admit after watching “Tablet of Time” I was not eager to see the second part just due to non-interest. And that’s the first time that’s happened for me reviewing this show. The most surprising thing about going back and looking at the old episodes is realizing that the majority of the batch I remember as being mediocre or just bad actually turn out to be pretty good in their own right. “Morbius, the Living Vampire” was actually somewhat of a pleasent surprise just in terms of the great way that episode had used its continuity. And while “Blade, the Vampire Hunter” is at this point the weakest episode in the series, I still was interested in seeing how the storyline would play out. But that feeling was missing here, to the point where the only reason this review is being written is for its own sake and to get to covering more memorable and surely better episodes down the line.

And why is that? What makes this arc so bad and uninteresting to talk about? As I said before, it really is kind of boring. The story stems from a Stan Lee/John Romita classic from the sixties which introduced Silvermaine, but that story involved a serum that served as a make-shift “Fountain of Youth” kind of thing. I actually re-read those issues for the purposes of this review, and while there are certainly, in my opinion, better Stan Lee/John Romita Spider-Man stories, the arc in the comics was a lot of fun in its own right due to Romita’s fantastic artwork with great embellishing by John Buscema, and Stan Lee’s bombastic style of writing. The point where Silvermaine regains his youth is particularly a great scene, as Lee gives him the voice and dialogue akin to a Baptist preacher in an effort to show how insane and power-mad he’s become at that point. Comparing that to this, and very few things stick in mind. Several story elements from the orignal comic are translated here, such as the Lizard’s rather meaty role in both versions. Kingpin and Smythe, the Mullet-Wonder are more-or-less shoehorned into this season as they were not present in the comic, but I do admit to liking Kingpin’s storyline with his wife Vanessa. Same with Tombstone and Hammerhead, as they weren’t even introduced in the comics at that time the story was done.

But aside from the translations, nothing is really accomplished throughout the two-parter. There are things happening, like Connors’ Lizard regression, but that gets solved by the end. Alicia Silvermaine is introduced in a very weird way, first as a mysterious background player, then a student at ESU, then a potential love interest for Peter, then as a heel-turned villain, which is…stupid. I get that since she’s Silvermaine’s daughter she’s probably going to be bad, but there’s no personality to her at all. She’s devoted to her father because she’s his daughter, and contrasting to Vanessa Fisk’s relationship with Kingpin, Alicia seems to be perfectly alright with being involved in large scale organized crime. It just comes off as weird and confusing, one minute she’s a normal girl, next minute she’s Elektra King from The World Is Not Enough. Her entire role in this was ridiculous, and it served only to have one more person be kidnapped.

Which leads into the second point, the confusing nature of this episode. It’s not really all that confusing in terms of plot; the plot is actually rather straightforward. But there are at least four kidnappings off the top of my head that occur in this two-parter, some in the same episode with the same people. Let’s see if we can list these off…

Dr. Connors-(Attempted) Kidnapped by Smythe, Kidnapped by Tombstone.

Martha Connors-Kidnapped by Smythe, somehow kidnapped by Tombstone and Silvermaine.

Alicia Silvermaine-Kidnapped by Hammerhead. Kidnapped by Hammerhead…again. In a random helicopter.

Vanessa Fisk-Kidnapped by Tombstone.

Spider-Man-Kidnapped by Alicia Silvermaine.

Let’s see…that’s about…seven? Seven kidnappings?

Kingpin: “Grab Connors!…Well grab his wife! Grab somebody!”

This was redonkulous, a term well suited for this arc. On the one hand, I kind of like the gang war that had been brought back up again between Kingpin and Silvermaine which is why Vanessa and Alicia were kidnapped in the first place. But Martha (or Margaret, it’s Martha in the comics) had no reason to be in this episode really besides the fact that she was kidnapped in the comics. Billy’s no where to be seen because the mothers of America will complain if a child is carried into the night sky by a giant robot. And there was no reason at all for Spider-Man to be captured by Alicia Silvermaine of all people. For one, she shot him (*gasp!*) with a laser gun (oh…) point blank in the chest and they don’t explain the amount of damage it did to him besides knocking him out. But why was he there as a hostage during the youth-regaining scene? He could have tracked Smythe’s robot to the hideout since there was a tracer on it. And its not like he fights Silvermaine, the Lizard does. The whole third act of the second part really made Spidey look like a wuss.

Moving on to the animation, it sucked. There actually was more genuine animation than a bevy of repeated shots and stock footage, but what was new wasn’t really all that good. There are a lot of explosions in the second part, but none of them look like they could do all that much damage besides cracking some windows. Which goes back to the subpar threat level. The orginal comics had Connors freak out at the thought of even working on the serum for Silvermaine to use. That’s carried here, as one of my positives is the way Connors is portayed as someone who’s terrfied of the thought of mis-using the tablet, and the voice acting sells it well. But everyone is so nonplussed about fighting over a thing that can grant eternal youth. I know its a kid’s cartoon and suspension of disbelief is the word of the day, but a little more excitement could have been nice. Only Silvermaine, Kingpin and Smythe seem genuinely in awe at this crazy Mayan device they’ve gotten hold of. Even brainy Spider-Man just seems to be watching it like there’s no big deal.

There’s also the re-emergence of the Lizard, which was interesting as a plot point since Connors had been re-introduced back into the series. Did it feel tacked on? Yes. But I thought it worked out okay in the episodes. Not great though…

…And the fight between Lizard and a rejuvinated Silvermiane was stupid. Especially with Silvermaine randomly flipping and dodging Lizard’s attacks. If Spider-Man can barely hold off the Lizard, Silvermaine at his peak would still be torn apart.

Getting away from the negatives, there were a few things here or there I liked. CDB continues to do good stuff with Spidey, and his “Pe-YHEW!” run after falling into a vat of fish at the beginning of part one was pretty funny. Roscoe Lee Browne as Kingpin was great as ever, and had some nice lines like “Controlling power is what I do best.” And Tombstone’s introduction at the end of part one was excellent. I can’t you how excited I was for part two as a kid when part one ends with Tombstone saying as he has Spidey in a chokehold “I DON’T BREATHE! HAHAHAHAHAHA!” I mean, that was awesome and remains to be so. Tombstone’s portrayal in part one is really cool throughout, as a gangster tough guy who really can back up his talk. He’s actually one of my favorite villains in this series, which speaks well of the character, in that he’s been portrayed well in two well known Spider-Man cartoons.

I think the best thing about the “Time” arc is the relationship shown between Kingpin, or Wilson Fisk and his wife Vanessa. It’s a storyline repeatedly told in the comics and was also around the time of the original comic book’s “Time” arc. As best as I can remember, she doesn’t return after divorcing Kingpin at the end, but I liked her character and I liked her impact of Kingpin’s character as well. Kingpin, while certainly a bad guy, is indeed a human character, and Vanessa both in here and the comics adds much of that humanity. My favorite scene at the end of part two is when he tells her he loves her and she responds “I used to believe that, but now I know the truth. All you love is being the Kingpin. The ‘Kingpin of Crime’…” Which is the title Kingpin had in the comics when he first appeared, as his real name wasn’t revealed until years later. But the way Vanessa exclaims “Kingpin of Crime” as a title just shows the double life of Wilson Fisk as a person, and what all he’s gained has made him lose. Really, that was the best scene in the entire story arc.

 

But really, aside from those little nuggets this was all but completley worthless. Peter’s disease is given about two off-handed mentions, showing how pointless this story was, particularly in this season. And by this point this has already become a season that needed to end the Neogenic saga by now. That storyline has run its course, but in terms of this “Time” arc, what really happened when looking back at the episodes that was worthwhile or memorable? Maybe Silvermaine turning into a baby, especially since SPOILERS! he comes back…as a baby. We did get to see more of Hammerhead, but he was treated as a stright-up punk, especially at the beginning of the episode when he’s literally on the verge of tears when Silvermaine’s berating him. Okay, we did get Tombstone, so that was cool. But still, I don’t think he really saves this episode from being a bad mark in the series’s run.

Altogether, 2/5 “MARY JAAANE!!!”s

Best Quote Contender-

*Smythe’s Mega Slayer bursts through the wall*

Spider-Man: “Robots…I hate robots!

All images taken from marvel.toonzone.net