AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #632
“Shed, Part Three”
Writer: Zeb Wells
Penciler: Chris Bachalo and Emma Rios
Inker: Tim Townsend, Jaime Mendoza, Victor Olazaba, Chris Bachalo, and Emma Rios
Colorist: Antonio Fabela
Cover Art: Chris Bachalo and Tim Townsend
Variant Cover Art: Jay Anacleto and Brian Haberlin
Be warned – there are SPOILERS ahead!
The Plot
Spider-Man encounters the newly-evolved Lizard. Spidey returns to Carlie and arms himself with the tools he needs to beat the Lizard. The Lizard uses some kind of mind ju-ju to take control of citizens and make them run amok.
The Good
A couple of blocks from the comic shop, Walgreens had a sale on Sour Punch Straws. I bought a pack of Zappin’Apple and another of Strikin’ Strawberry. They are very tasty.
The Bad
Oy.
I’m not going to mince words: this issue is a piece of garbage. A reeeeeal piece of garbage.
The first and most striking problem is how horrifically ugly the artwork is. I really used to like Chris Bachalo’s artwork in the early 1990s – remember how great the first arc of Generation X looked? I wish we could get that Chris Bachalo instead of this lousy effort.
Spider-Man looks like a deformed troll, his head seems to change size and shape in every single panel, and a huge number of panels lack any geographical context thanks to the white backgrounds. The new Lizard’s head makes him look like a cross between Wolverine and Knuckles the Echidna. The Emma Rios pages are much worse than the previous issue, which is a bummer. They seem sloppy and rushed this time around. I think it’s safe to say, judging from the five inkers on this issue, that everyone was rushing and pressed for time. I thought the point of using rotating art teams was to avoid situations like this?
The story is a catastrophe. Plotwise, we barely get any movement. This kind of glacial pacing is simply unacceptable, and the lack of story is exacerbated by the jumpy storytelling in the artwork. I breezed through this thing on the subway ride home, because most of the dialogue is, once again, gibberish. Oh sure, the Lizard “evolves,” but all that does is replace “KAHN RRS” with “CONNERS.” It’s still hard to follow.
The battle itself was uninteresting and ploddingly told. It simply wasn’t very entertaining, and that’s as strong an indictment as any. Spider-Man suddenly snaps into “no jokes” mode, which inevitably indicates that much angst and overly serious, pretentious storytelling will surround it. If this is supposed to set up the big finale, color me unimpressed.
The concept of the Lizard suddenly being able to take over everyone’s brains struck me as sheer stupidity. (More on this development below.) In fact, I’m going to go so far as to say that this entire direction seems foolish. Oh sure, Spidey will inevitably try to cure Conners and appeal to his human side in the next and final part (thank God this is going to end soon), but the appearance of Gangsta Rapper O.G. Lizzay at the end of the issue made me groan.
Really, I’m having a hard time encapsulating just how horrendous this issue is. This is the sort of thing that makes me wish I could have my money back to spend on something better, like a candy bar made out of horse droppings that explodes into locusts when you bite into it.
The Ugly
He’s apparently appealing to the lizard inside of all of us.
WHAT THE HELL KIND OF EXPLANATION IS THAT?! That’s the kind of half-assed crap I expect in a Sci-Fi Channel Original, not in a comic book starring the premiere character in the company’s library. And apparently, Wells liked it so much that we are told twice – once during the Lizard’s toddler ramblings, and then again in the explanation that Carlie Cooper gives.
The Bottom Line
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Going for another posting record, fellas?
Never fails… I disappear for a while, come back, and more s*** happens. Story of my life.
I skimmed that part of the issue again; the explanation from Carlie; and my head still hurts just thinking about it. I get it NOW but I mean how it was told in the comic just sounds… well I’ll just say too weird.
Ow… now I know how Flash felt in high school when it came to, well, most of his classes… -_-
@Heartburn: There IS a theory out there that we all have reptilian brain functions, called The Reptilian Complex Theory. There are two big problems with this, though:
(1) It was never mentioned or even explained correctly in the comic, so I’m sure 95% of the readers aren’t aware of the scientific basis. The story introduces it in such a way as to suggest that it was theory that Conners conceived himself.
(2) Several aspects of R-Complex Theory have been disproven or contradicted by more recent scientific finds, so the theory itself is suspect to begin with.
Anyway… the Good part of this review made me laugh. That seems pretty solid haha. I wanted to check this out yesterday but I always wait the next day after I’ve picked up the issue and read it myself.
The whole “Lizard brain/ monkey brain” thing is getting on my nerves now and the Lizard’s new look? I’m not a fan of it… I mean what’s with those things on his head? I’m no Lizard expert but it just looks like he’s a transformed rockstar holding a invisible guitar. “For all those fine specimens out there, are you ready to– MONKEY BRAINS!” haha
Solid review like I said.
Don’t threaten me on my own website. I’m this close to banning your ass just for wasting my bandwith.
Fine. So long as I’m not singled out again in such a fashion, I’ll drop it.
Farley,
Quit playing the victim. Let’s all move on.
“No, I am too…”
Farley – you were a big part of the problem last week. So don’t sit back and play innocent.
I got a warning for that and took my lumps publically. I even apologised to Gerard before this happened. How does that justify this blatant personal attack, on the front page no less?!
Well JGC if it’s the same team on a story arc he’s already not liking that’s probably a safe enough bet. But hey, forget the fact that he’s positively reviewed issues from the story arc before this one, or that he just gave a good review of the Annual. Forget those, cause yeah – he’s probably just not at all fair, right?
I wonder what rating Gerard will give ASM #633? Another 0 out of 5? He probably shouldn’t even bother reviewing it. Sounds like he’d rather eat candy anyways.
“No, I am too…”
Farley – you were a big part of the problem last week. So don’t sit back and play innocent.
Wow. We just got zapped into an alternate reality where everything still happened… sorta. Quick, what’s the numeric classification for this universe?
MEPHISTO!!!!
I don’t know what you guys are talking about. I don’t see anything questionable at the start of this review. 😛
SuperChencho, your wish is my command. You will get a special mention in the AMERICAN SON review which premieres later tonight.
Man, I want my name on the front page one of these days.
No, I am too…
Can’t we all get along…I used to enjoy reading poster’s comments about the review but this is getting out of hands…just treat each other with respect and stop it with the whole Farley logic crap…it’s been discussed enough in the previous review…good Lord…this is getting annoying…am I the only one who is tired of this?
It’s hilarious reading IGN’s review as they love the revamped lizard and Bachelos artwork and gave the issue 8.1/10. Personally I don’t see how this revamped lizard can go on and think a much better end for the character would of been dying to save Billy.
Part of me thought about being the bigger man here and not commenting at all, but damn it, you completely ripped me apart ON THE FRONT PAGE NO LESS, this is bang out of order. You’re twisting my words to a ridiculous extreme, taking what I said on a message baord thread completely out of context.
My “Farley logic” ( and if that’s not a personal attack I don’t know WHAT is ) is that unless a situation is referenced either in flashback or personal narration, either from the lead or supporting character, then it didn’t happen. I also said this is something regarding COMICS not movies, books etc. Retcons are a dime a dozen in the comics medium, often showing us things that happen OFF PANEL. Kraven’s suicide has been referenced since his off-panel suicide, it’s not a question of “dumbing it down” it’s a question of what is and is not OK to show in a comic.
As for my personal attack on you, IIRC, I criticised the review, not your person. If you’re going to write the review of ASM, you should be prepared to accept criticism, just like any other writer in the medium, something I see happen often on this site. I didn’t claim you were ignorant, I took issue with you describing Connors/Lizards internal dialouge as “nonsensical gibberish” which it clearly isn’t if you read the issue. I suggested that you were biased based on your “hooker” comments and the fact you rated the issue based on SOMETHING WHICH DID NOT HAPPEN. THe whole Curt wanting tomate with his asisstant was the tipping point that pushed Curt over the edge after she slept with Brian King. That’s the reason it was included. You’re welcome to read what you wish into it of course, but should not rate a review based on non-concrete events.
Posters think we should shake hands? I actually apologised for the tone of initial post of last issues ASM, before you took offence to it. I could go on ( believe me I’m that pissed off right now ) but, instead am signing off.
If you don’t get a warning for this I’ll be amazed…
I actually really liked the art. This is his best arc for Spidey yet. I find any “explanations” in comics pretty funny. It is a story about a guy being bitten by a radioactive spider (or totem).
Out of curiosity what’s so insane about The Lizard being able to take over people’s brains, using the reptilian part?
In a series, starring a kid who gained the abilities of a spider, through a bite – or hell a medium itself that treats death like a temporary vacation, to me it doesn’t seem THAT odd.
love your positive for the week, don’t love the (as perceived by me) attack on Farley. Sorry.
Not Byrne-Stole this yet, but OG MC Lizzay had me rolling.
Lizard + Dredlocks = Ugh! I was able to mask my groans as I Byrne-stole this issue at my LCS, thanks to noise coming form the small party for the store’s 25th anniversary. The art was horrendous, and it seemed to get worse as the story went on. The worst part is that this clunker of a tale goes on for one more issue!
Yeah, I know a guy from Brooklyn (rubs busted lip).
To answer your questions and make a comment …
(1) I don’t know if the sale is at all Walgreens, but I would assume so. They were on sale last week too. I personally recommend Zappin’ Apple. 😀
(2) Yes, that is definitely a Ghostbusters II reference (didn’t you click the link … ?). It’s not nearly as good as the original, but I like Ghostbusters II a lot. I mean, for God’s sake … Vigo the Carpathian!
(3) I’m from Brooklyn — if somebody takes a swing at you, you swing back harder. But seriously, if I get a warning from one of the admins, I’ll take it down. 😉
(4) How come the other (very positive) review only has four comments? 😛
I think Farley was way out of line for asking Gerard to be fired but I agree with his (and Nikki’s. who made a much better argument) that lizard rape was open to interpretation and Gerard blew an assumption a tad to far out of perportion, and I think Gerard is a nice guy and I don’t want him to sink to Farley’s level and have them both be in the wrong here.
“He must have shot a bottle of ketchup next to the coffin and fell backwards into it while the ketchup spilled on him.” LOL
Gerard, great review. You paint hilarious word pictures.
Whoa whoa, H4M, pleeeaase don’t get involved in this mess! It doesn’t matter who agrees with who, or who is on what level, this petty argument has to stop here before SOMEONE gets banned. Farley and Gerard need to have a firm hand-shake and just move on, and it’s up to them to manage it themselves.
I have a few different reactions to this…
Part of me finds Farley Logic a funny idea.
The mod in me wonders if the personal (which this feels like) is a big much. Sure Farley came after Gerard, but fighting fire with fire makes you no better than the other person.
Another part of me says “Meh, who cares. Maybe Farley and Gerard will be in good spirits and go along with the joke”.
Before Farley or anyone says “See this is why Zetas leave, we’re not welcome here”. This has nothing to do with Zetas or Deltas. Farley attacked Gerard and whether the retaliation was right or wrong, it had nothing to do with the house he was in.
Anywho I’ll let the admins decide if this is a nice joke or something else.
Great review Gerard!
Gerard, take this down dude this whole “Farley logic” think is one big personal attack, and it’s bringing you down to his level. And you know what I kind of agree with Farley so why don’t you completely insult me now hmm?
H4M. No, Farley completely deserved it.
Love, The Ghostbusters Reference. Dude, 2 Reviews in A Couple Of Hours? You’re Amazing!! (Pun Intended)
So wait, is this sale going on at ALL Walgreens? Cuz I got a hankerin’ and there is one around the corner…
I believe that’s a Ghostbusters 2 reference, no?
+1
Mr. Delatour, I do suggest taking/dumbing down the whole “Farley Logic” thing (or at very least “what a classy guy”) because that is just one big shrouded “personal attack” and I don’t want you to get a warning…
Sadly I can’t comment on the issue though, since I haven’t read it yet 😀
That wasn’t necessary, Gerard, and frankly quite mean. Farley didn’t deserve that I don’t care what he said (and I did read it).
To be fair, a lot of those latter comments for issue #631 were about what our favorite type of pizza was.
I don’t want to start anything *takes deep breath* but I still find it amusing that all the other comic book sites I regularly check up on speak nothing but good things of SHED and Chris Bachalos’ art. I don’t know why that is.
Farley Logic is why so many people couldn’t put two and two together and figure out that Tony Soprano died in that diner. 😉
I Byrne-stole this issue, because there is no way I could spend money on this. It’s reached a point where whenever this crap comes out, the first thing that comes to mind is “I can’t wait for the Crawlspace to review this one.”
Yeh, a lot of shows, Lost, …most ALL of them really, do not show every thing that happened by completely spelling it out and spoken directly, but expects the viewer to take for granted or imagine what happened BASED upon other information the writers/actors/etc gave us/presented/set up earlier. Worse yet, i am often confused in comics, due to poor layouts, poor word choice, or lack of word choice, as to what just happened. (DC, Marvel, whathaveyou, not just spidey ones mind you).
Last issues Lizard scene i read thru mulitple times trying to come to a conclusion as to what happened…it was very vague. However, Marvel made sure to let us know prior to this vague horrid scene that he wanted to MATE with her. So i was never, and am still not sure what happened, but i don’t see it as jumping to conclusions, ..but merely a very true possibility written the way they CHOSE to present it. No agenda in trying to figure it out, as per what happened, and using their own set up for those conclusions.
Speaking of art…i too was a fan of Bachelo, even when others aren’t or haven’t been. Still like his wacky art,…quite often. The 3X schedule, often makes the art and stories look rushed tho to me. My favorite artist JRJR, even during NWTD…didn’t really do it for me as usual either. Not sure what the problem is there.
Wow, 2 reviews in a matter of hours, you must really love this job.
Farley logic. I LOVE it.
Your “Good” section made me LOL.
I read alot of everyday fanfiction some are good and some are “my immortal” bad. This fanfic has reached that level. This is a thumbs DOWN.
Now tell us how you really feel about this issue, and this time don’t hold back. 😀
Wow. Thanks for the review Gerard and thanks for getting it out so fast. You are the man. Too bad my theory that Billy was the lizard and he actually killed his father didn’t pan out.