AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #631
“Shed, Part Two: The Death of Curt Connors”
Writer: Zeb Wells
Penciler: Chris Bachalo and Emma Rios
Inker: Tim Townsend, Jaime Mendoza, Chris Bachalo, and Emma Rios
Colorist: Antonio Fabela
Cover Art: Chris Bachalo and Tim Townsend
Variant Cover Art: Doug Braithewaite
Be warned – there are SPOILERS ahead!
Way back in November of 2008, in Episode 51 of the Spider-Man Crawl Space Podcast, Kevin claimed that The Amazing Spider-Man #575 made him consider quitting comics. It was a very funny moment, but when I first listened to that episode, I thought, “Man, there’s no way a single comic (that isn’t the last part of One More Day) could be that bad!”
Ladies and gentlemen, I was proven wrong today. The Amazing Spider-Man #631 is so offensively terrible that I got the same feeling Kevin did about a year and a half ago.
The Plot
Ana Kravinoff hunts Kaine. Carlie Cooper and Spider-Man investigate the scene of the crime at Connors’ lab. The Lizard goes after Billy, and Spider-Man fights him. CHOMP.
The Good
The Emma Rios pages are decent.
The Bad
Oh boy. I’ll try to keep this as civil as possible.
Let’s start from the beginning. We all remember Kaine, right? He’s a super-strong, very formidable, damaged clone of Spider-Man that debuted during the Clone Saga. He’s a driven, focused, powerful force to be reckoned with. At least, he has been in all of his other appearances.
In this issue, he runs like a bitch from a twelve-year-old girl.
There isn’t a facepalm image large enough to describe how I felt reading that scene. It makes no goddamn sense. You see, a lot of (lazy) writers, in an attempt to make their creation seem more formidable, will often do so at the expense of another, more established character. As a comics fan, I hate that garbage. The Webheads do this here, by having Skittles the Penny Hooker (a.k.a. Ana Kravinoff) scare the Bejeezus out of Kaine for no logical reason. He could snap that little skank in half without much of a thought – remember, this is the guy that killed a roomful of gun-toting professional gangsters in his first appearance – but instead, he decided to run away. (Ironically, Kaine himself was the beneficiary of this fallback – they established his badassery by having him kill Doctor Octopus.)
Then, we get to the scene in Connors’ lab. Now, I have to ask: what is Carlie’s jurisdiction, exactly? Is she the only crime scene officer in New York? It sure seems like it, because inevitably she ends up running every single crime scene that appears in this series. She’s the most important person in town apparently. But let me back up a second … she had to call Peter from the crime scene to tell him she wasn’t coming to dinner. Yup, they’re dating now. So not only is Carlie the most important person in town, but she’s also dating the superhero! Isn’t Carlie awesome? Hey, wait a minute … isn’t Joe Quesada’s daughter also named Carlie? That seems like an awfully large –
But I digress. Back to the crime scene … apparently, the Lizard went bananas and tore everyone in the lab apart. Well, everybody but the lab assistant. However, I’ll save that one for the end of the review, because that’s probably the most vile thing in the comic. Carlie mentions Connors’ custody battle, and Spidey races off to save Billy. An extremely padded, hard-to-follow battle ensues. Spider-Man sees through the open door that somebody has already been inside, so he abandons the Lizard and checks things out, even though he already knows that the Lizard is on a murderous rampage and could kill even more people as soon as he walks away. Skittles already kidnapped Billy for some reason, even though it doesn’t speed the plot along or anything. Since Spider-Man is preoccupied in the townhouse stammering around like an idiot, the Lizard has ample opportunity to find Billy in the alleyway where Skittles left him. Naturally, the Lizard eats the kid and the issue ends.
Wait … what the hell?! This is a Spider-Man comic, right? You know, the one that’s rated 9 and Up, and supposedly aimed at a newer, younger readership? I can’t imagine anything that could get kids interested in the book more than having the only character that they could identify with age-wise being eaten by a lizard-man. But you shouldn’t expect this to make any sense by this point, because none of this clusterfudge of a story follows any sort of logic.
Boy, what a mess. This reads like an 8-page story spread out into 22 pages. The art is, in a word, atrocious. The Emma Rios stuff is decent, but the Bachalo pages are so poorly illustrated that, at times, I had to read and re-read pages just to try to understand what the hell was happening. The layouts within the panels are extremely difficult to follow, which naturally is a big problem considering that Wells crams the panels full of nonsensical gibberish. The entire fight scene reads like the English subtitles of a bootleg DVD from China.
The Ugly
Lizard rape.
No, I’m not making this up. Go pick up your copy and re-read the first three panels of page 8. Carlie tells Spider-Man that six people were killed, and the only survivor was Connors’ lab assistant. Spidey asks if Carlie talked to her, and Carlie replies, “She’s in no shape to talk. [Pause.] Leave it at that.” And in the next panel, Spider-Man has his hand over his face while Carlie leans dejectedly against a table.
SQUICK.
Oh, Marvel will almost certainly backpedal away from this. They’ll say that we’re reading too much into it, even though 50% of the previous issue was spent establishing that Connors had a creepy sexual interest in the lab assistant, sniffing her and getting territorial when his boss showed up to take her out. But it’s there for anybody that can read the subtext.
Then again, we shouldn’t be surprised. This is the same book that has creepy masked sex, drunken hookups (oh wait, they already retconned that), mistaken identity sex (whoops, they already backpedaled away from that one, too), eating hookers, killing rats with boogers, racist jokes, domestic abuse, projectile acid vomiting, cultural stereotypes, eating children …
What’s next? Well, Ana Kravinoff is supposed to be twelve, right? Why not mix in some implied child porn? And even better – with the rumors of Kraven the Hunter in the upcoming Grim Hunt, why not work in a little necrophilia, too? Hey, maybe “The Gauntlet” is some kind of BDSM club where the climax of the story takes place. Why not? The book is already so appallingly disgusting, this kind of bullspit would fit right in.
Thanks a lot, Webheads.
The Bottom Line
I would have been better off spending my three bucks on some magic beans. 0 out of 5 webheads.
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And with this we have 100 comments. Congrats Gerard this is the most comments for anything ever posted on the front page.
What will be sweeter than a little boy who turns into a savage monster everytime he freaks out.
Spider-Man will have to be his constant baby sitter – its a cool idea.
And as far as little “Kraven”…
… if she wants to play with the big boys, fine… take the kid gloves off. In fact, if the reason behind Kaine not taking her head off isn’t the fact that she was 13, then he has officially been made to suck at her expense…
… she wants to hunt Spidey like a dog, fine… but he better take the fight to her, bot run like a little b****.
Like hell it wasn’t… Didn’t Quesada himself say that there was no such thing as negative publicity? Taking that into consideration, I can fully believe them going this route knowing FULLY what kind of reaction it was going to get.
And you’re only calling this review crazy because you don’t agree with it. Why else would you be in here agreeing with Farely… the guy whose response was even “crazier” than the review… at least the review wasn’t a personal attack on anyone.
And I haven’t really eaten anything from Domino’s that could top anything I buy from Papa Johns… I even enjoy dipping the crust… but what’s up with that pepper?
@George McMillian
Now now… Wacker already stated that no rape happened, so despite what led us to think that it did, we have to accept his statement… I didn’t say we had to AGREE with it, and as it was stated before, I COMPLETELY understand why anyone would think that … hell, even I did after seeing those other pages.
That being said, the only thing that will clear this up is the writers actually having the girl tell what really happened. But what are the odds of them actually doing THAT?
I just read it, OMG, lizard rape ewwwwwwwwww, the only good thing is the variant cover and i have a subscription so i didnt get it, I will never show that to any of my freinds, eww, i need a shower
wow, lots of comments.
anyway i can see a good ending for this. The Son returns with the lizard curse aswell. that would be cool.
Can I just say asmy first post I really enjoyedthis review. Good to see he was passionate about it and caring about Spider-mans’ direction to voice his concerns and opinion, which I dont think was completely ill-founded.
But seriously, that Kaine scene was stupid, running away from a 12 year old girl to make her seem tough? I mean c’mon make her get sent to Juvi or something the only 2 un-annoying Kraven character are Kraven himself and Kravinoff. The rest are boring and without depth.
He was just seeing the situation realistically. You never make a move that ballsy without expecting some form of backlash, and if you give it a reread, it’s apparent that they’re really trying their best to give Mary Jane a solid send-off, and from that standpoint, I really do think the story works, and I can enjoy it on that level. Just because they knew it would piss fans off doesn’t mean it was intentionally made for that purpose, because, let’s face it, any time there is a significant change in the status quo, there is always going to be a very vocal group who despise that change. Now we all know that they greatly underestimated how large and vocal that group would be, but the actual production value and time that went into that single story alone should be an indicator of how much they DIDN’T want the story to suck.
And as for the buzz generation? It’s a fact that controversy draws in readers. If you need proof of this, just check the number of comments on this review (which is pretty crazy for any review) for proof. It was written with the intention of entertaining everyone, but some of the views expressed really disturbed off Farley and myself. 93 comments later, and this thing looks like it’s still going strong.
BTW, has anybody tried the new Domino’s pizza? Haven’t given it a shot yet, but from what I hear, it’s a definite step up from their previous pie.
“Nobody – not even the much maligned Chuck Austen – sets out with the intention of creating bad stories to piss off their readership.”
Yeah I’m not buying that. In an interview with Wizard back in March 2008 Axel Alonso admitted that they knew OMD would piss tons of fans off and that they were counting on that to generate buzz.
And margarita pizza is a thin crust pizza made with ricotta cheese, sweet marinara, tomato, and basil. Best pizza ever, toppling the admitted awesomeness of any Chicago deep dish. It’s a pie of the gods, and you can get it just about anywhere. Go out and get it.
I totally agree with you on the rape scene. People are reading WAY too much into it. But the administration that thrives on pissing off readers? Nobody – not even the much maligned Chuck Austin – sets out with the intention of creating bad stories to piss off their readership. These guys really are trying their best to take chances and put out the best stories they can. Did the Gauntlet live up to my expectations? Not really. It did seem really scattered, and I will agree with Gerard when he said that aside from the recap page, there was never any indication that he was getting tired. I really would have liked to see more cohesiveness in regards to this, but aside from that, we have been getting some pretty nice stories updating the villains (disregarding Morbius and Vulture – but that’s just my opinion).
So yeah – nobody’s trying to piss anyone off. And even though the Spider/Black Cat stuff has been a bit much at times, it’s consistent with how Peter David portrayed them back during his run on Spectacular.
Oh, & BTW, nothing, and I mean NOTHING, compares to a deep dish Chicago style pizza.
Can I play “devil’s advocate” for a second (no pun intended)? Although I agree with about 98% of the reviews here, I do think we may be reaching a bit at the “Lizard rape” issue. I think we ought to wait for next issue, & see how Marvel digs it’s way out of THIS one…But on the other hand, I wouldn’t put it past them these days that this was EXACTLY what they intended to portray! Perhaps a Lizard-baby to replace our dear (apparently) deceased Billy? Oh, well, just like they backtracked away from Pete’s night of “drunken debauchery”, they’ll probably retcon this, too.
However, whether or not the rape actually occurred or not, is a moot point…because I feel like we’re getting raped EVERY MONTH in the comics. I don’t blame any writer in particular, they can only work with what they’re allowed to. No, I blame the current administration, and their current “How can we piss our readers off this week” attitude. People can accuse this site all they want of having a “secret agenda” (I’ll bet that’s Marvel’s next crossover, BTW), but I personally believe that when Marvel decides to publish something worthwhile, and not force the writers to stretch half-baked ideas into 6-issue events so they can sell it as a TPB, that there will be no need to bash them.
In the episode of BTAS called, “Trial”, the new DA tells Batman that “I’m still going to work towards a Gotham that doesn’t NEED a Batman”, to which Batman replies, “So will I”. That’s my attitude here. All we’re trying to do by complaining is to get Marvel to publish comics that are worthy of their ever-increasing cover prices. Once that happens, the so-called negativity will cease, and all of us web-slingers can eagerly await the next issue, instead of just dreading it.
‘Nuff said!
Back on the OTHER topic…
… margarita pizza?!?!? What am I missing, here?!?!? The most exotic I’ve ever gone was pepperoni, ham, Italian sausage and pineapples…
… so it was consentual lizard sex? Or did she help eat the bodies?
… Because I kinda thought that was what happened too… and you know why? THOSE PAGES, MAN!!!
Let it go Farley..LET IT GO.
You want a retraction or something from Gerard? It’s just a review. You keep mentioning agendas but you are the one who seems to have an agenda against Gerard. Now you’re demanding he eat humble pie? LET IT GO.
Disagree with his reviews all you want. Post why you disagree. Do it every week. Generate discussion, that’s all fine.
But don’t target Gerard personally as you’ve done. “I think someone needs to eat some humble pie”. Dropped it! It’s a conclusion Gerard jumped to and guess what? He wasn’t the only one. Other people outside of CS did too. Go bother them.
Farley-So we let the editors tell us what to think in the letter’s pages and message boards now? Art, literature, film is all open to interpretation. What did you think was in the briefcase in “Pulp Fiction?” Or are you still waiting for someone to tell you so you don’t have to use your imagination?
I think someone needs to eat some humble pie as Steve Wacker has categorically stated that no rape took place 🙂
I love me some deep dish, but for what it’s worth, I had a margarita pizza in New Hope, PA that was the best slice I’ve ever eaten. To this day I still haven’t tried an authentic New York slice, but I think even the reigning champion of pizza cities would have a hard time living up to it.
We taking thin crust or deep dish?
Niki- I get all my books at the beginning of the month, so I haven’t read it yet.
Wow…all this over a review. Hey, anyone else like pizza?
I actually think that Farley did a great job of voicing his opinion fairly in his first few posts, and even though he did eventually get suckered into the internet argue machine – both sides of the argument included. If you look back, he actually kind of admits in one of his responses to me that he might not have voiced his opinion as fairly as he would have liked to, which is a step in the right direction. We all know that what we type can sometimes come across differently than how we meant it. (Try being sarcastic in a text message to your significant other and see how long it takes before you’re in the dog house. It’s a tragedy, but it happens to the best of us.) Farley’s comments have been blown out of proportion, but this is a learning experience. Hopefully he fares better in future criticisms.
Thanks for the support, BD. While I’ve got your attention, what were your thoughts on the story? I know you’re not a big fan of this creative team, but I’m really curious to get your take on it.
Nik! – this is how you correctly debate, I disagree with you but I respect your opinion. Can you offer some advice to farley on how to critique a review and not attack Gerard .
It’s a review of one issue of a comic. Not a freaking law review, medical journal or nationally syndicated political scandal expose. If it’s entertaining that’s all the better – a lot of them elsewhere aren’t.
Spidey “extremists.” Good lord.
I’d be saying the same thing if he was blindly praising the book instead of blindly bashing the book. It has nothing to do with the rating of the book, but everything to do with the quality of the review. I would say the same thing to any one of my students if they handed me this to get published in our school paper. I’m disappointed because I know Gerard is better than this (his reviews of the Juggy arc were actually pretty decent), and I expect better from him. Is this review entertaining? Hell yes. It wouldn’t get this much attention if it wasn’t entertaining. But the actual quality of this as a written review needs some serious work. To recap, I don’t care if he marks it down. Everyone’s entitled to their opinions. But as a representation of this site, I feel that it is actually fueling the fires of Slott’s comments, which is a real shame, because I’ve been following this site for years and love all of the work that BD has poured into it.
I’m just saying that he really needs to improve his tone and build effective arguments if he ever wants to be taken seriously by anybody who has actually been digging the title. He’s catering exclusively to the Spidey extremists with this arc, but should keep in mind that his audience is much wider than that.
Just to make myself clear, I gave this issue a 3 in an earlier post. I’m in no way so enamored with this that I couldn’t see how someone would rate it low. Bachalo is very love/hate, and I can accept that, and for some reason Wells has gained this reputation, too (although I personally think he’s a wonderful writer). I’m just criticizing this as I would one of my students’ papers, and even though it’s funny as hell, I wouldn’t accept this for publication. I know you can do better, Gerard.
… so, what do you have to say about his POSITIVE reviews? or is this the ONLY one you take issue with?
In Farley’s defense, Gerard’s review is very polarizing. While I do support Gerard’s opinions on the art style, writing, and plot — he is, after all, entitled to his opinion, just like anybody else — I will say that it is a very extreme review, and that his handling of the alleged “rape” incident was blown out of proportion to the point where it becomes one of the main focuses of the review, when in actuality it was something that, as I’ve stated before, is so open to interpretation that there’s no way anyone could jump to that conclusion so readily at this juncture in the story. As I’ve said before, it does sound very extreme and nitpicky, as if most of this review is founded on fundamental problems the reviewer has with the BND direction in general. I still respect your opinion, and I’m sure Farley does, too, but when you dedicate half of your “The Ugly” section listing gripes by previous creators (yeah – that mask sex was a bit too much for me, too) and then casting aspersions about child porn, things start to get a little out of control and you start to lose credibility, which in turn hurts the credibility of this site for hosting this review. This is not a criticism on your opinion; it’s a criticism on your reviewing style, which leaves itself open to controversy. A little more professionalism and objectivity would be a major benefit to your reviewing career.
I’m not writing this to start any fires, just to explain why this review has become such an issue.
70 replies?!?!? And most of them are from ONE person?!?!? What the hell, man?!?!?
Farley, if you can’t do anything besides stir s*** up, you don’t need to be here.
No you got a warning by acting like an ass.
I’ve read all of Gerards past reviews, I was commenting on the tone of this particular one, no way can you tell me it was objective. I’m done with this topic tho. I’ve already got a warning for expressing an opinion, think I’ll quit while I’m behind….
You were wrong when you said Gerard couldn’t be objective and then lamenting Bailey not reviewing it because he was objective. Yet in the time he’s reviewed ASM Gerard has given positive reviews to stories in the previous arc – on that alone your objectivity accusation falls flat on its face and fails. I’ll also point out that Bailey handed out bad reviews when he covered ASM.
You were wrong and you didn’t know what you were talking about regarding Gerard’s objectivity. Had you even done a quick glance back at the several reviews he’s done thus far… well I hesitate to say you could’ve seen that was wrong for yourself because honestly I think you would have still gone with the “you can’t be objective” crap. And that’s demonstrably false.
Um … I never called for Joe Q to be fired. That was Jason. AND HE WAS WARNED FOR IT.
Farley, you have your first warning. Gerard summed up your personal attacks quite well in the previous post.
The rocket scientist quotewas me saying, I’m not genius..but. I twas not intended as a personal attack, sorry if you saw it as such.
The tone of your review was brutal, and you mark it basedon events that ( as of yet ) have not been proved to happen, you just assumed they did.
Yes, I called for you to be fired. again, that’s not personal, any more than calling for Joe Q to be fired is. As a writer you have to be open to criticism, Brad told Dan Slott that exact thing not long ago.
My caim that you didn’t read or at least understand the book is because you described Vurts inner monolouge as “incomprehensible gibberish” when it was no such thing. It clearly ( and cleverly I thought ) showed the reader the inner battle that was happening between the Lizard and Curt. this is a key part of the issue, one which leads to the ending you so despise. this kind of ending has happened before, in the past 30 or so years of Spidey’s history.
As for the “knee jerk hater” , well, I’m sorry, but your reviews tone made it pretty clear that you were letting your personal feelings affect your review.
calling Ana “Skittles”and suggesting that child porn should be featured in ASM is not a result of what you read, but what you feel. that’s the difference, IMO. You call the writers “lazy” I’m saying if you review a book, you should understand it. It seemed to me by your comments that there were some aspects of this issue that you didn’t “get”
Again, I apologise if you felt I was personally attacking you, I try to criticise the work, not the person.
Well, Farley, let’s see.
First, you accuse me of having a blind bias …
“Steve Wacker attacked this site? I can’t imagine why, after you completely rip this issue apart based on no proof or facts, but purely on your own anti- ASM bias.”
… then you call for me to be fired …
“If you don’t like the title, drop it. For gods sake don’t review it. as you’ve proved you can’t stay objective. Bring back Michael Bailey! I may not have always agreed with his reviews, but at least he was objective.”
… then you call me a knee-jerk hater …
“I’m not scared of negative reviews, just sick of the knee jerk hating, and the transparency of ASM reviwers hate when reviewing ASM on here.”
… then you claim I didn’t read the book …
“Yep, because a reviewer should be objective, something he clearly isn’t. Also helps if you’ve read and understood the issue you’re reviewing…”
… then you question my intelligence …
“I’m not a rocket scientist, but I got this. Someone reviewing the issue really should have.”
So yeah, I think you insulted me. SEVERAL times …
Gerard, please explain when I launched a personal attack.
George, please explain how I am making idiotic statements and how I don’t know what I’m talking about.
Nik! I agree the Child Within should be collected in trade form, I also enjoyed PP #14 where Pete and the Hulk were dealing with their grief. It’s good to know there are some long-term readers who are enjoying ASM right now. You should post more on the message board, we could do with some more ASM love being spread around! 🙂
It’s kinda hard to enjoy this “bold new direction” when the publisher treats their fans like fools for wanting their favorite character to have any growth or development.
@Farley – and to answer your other question, I actually started reading ASM around the time of the 90’s cartoon. It blew my mind that they made comic books out of it, and when my dad came across a box full of clone saga issues, I ate it up. Of all of those issues, I really came to love DeMatteis’ Spidey. HOWEVER, I have to say that Kraven’s Last Hunt is inferior to the work he did with Harry Osborn and the rest of the Vermin saga. Why that stuff hasn’t been collected, I’ll never know.
And yes – that Byrne reboot was horrible, but I can still go back and read every single issue and love it for its horribleness. The Hulk issue was actually pretty good.
Wow, this is getting pretty ridiculous. Gerard, I’ve read your past reviews and liked them for the most part, but c’mon, man – this review was just flat out nitpicky and unfair to everyone involved.
Farley, I’ve actually been enjoying this run quite a bit. Of course, it’s had its ups and downs, and there are times I miss the JMS and Jenkins runs (it’s what I was raised on), but I can say the same thing about DeMatteis’ run. The BND guys have some great stories, but I think it’s unanimous that the new Vulture is pretty lame. Love how the teams are in rotation, and it makes for a great mix of styles and interpretations. Can’t wait for Grim Hunt! And O.M.I.T. even sounds like it’ll be interesting.
Anyway, that’s my time, folks. Have fun killing each other!
Farley you need to get over yourself because you don’t know what you’re talking about. Which I had thought would be obvious by me pointing out in my earlier thread that you don’t know what you’re talking about.
@Farley: No, you have to “get over yourself” because you’re lobbing idiotic accusations (like claiming I didn’t read the comic, and that I have an agenda to slam the book even though I’ve given positive reviews in my short history) and making a fool of yourself.
You’re allowed to disagree with my reviews, which are of course opinions, but once you start lobbing personal attacks (which you HAVE), you’ve crossed the line.
Gerard, your review was detailed and you backed up everything you said. On top of that you get these reviews out fast.
Whether I agree with you on everything or not (who cares? I’m not YOUR customer.). Just know that your doing an excellent job and I am glad to see your name under “Amazing Spider-man” reviews when I visit.
Following up Michael Bailey is NO easy feat but you did it! 😉
So beacuse I disagree, I have to “get over myself?”
Farley get over yourself now.
I’m looking through Gerard’s reviews right now and this is only the second arc he’s covered – after giving positive marks (3.5 & 4 – because he’s apparently “fearing the positivity”) to a couple of issues from the last arc.
Gerard doesn’t like this arc; he might like the next one. Bailey was the same way. There were things he liked and things he didn’t.
My only “agenda” is to post on what I like, and try to combat some of whta I see to be “knee jerk negativity”
You’re right Bertone, some people just don’t like the comics. Still doesn’t stop some of em complaining about them, especially if they don’t even read the issues they criticise.
“nice to hear from someone who doesn’t have an agenda”
Sometimes people just don’t like comics. No agenda.
Hell yes I have. Wouldn’t buy it if I didn’t. This is no where near as bad as the reboot of 99, IMO. I can look past the deal with Mephisto and enjoy the books objectively. You been reading ASM long?
No problem, man. Seems like you were just swimming alone with the sharks before, so I figured I’d throw in my two cents. And toothache or not, you were actually holding up nicely. So how have you been enjoying the new direction? It’ll be nice to hear from someone who doesn’t have an agenda 🙂
That’s kinda my point too, you probably phrased it nicer than I did, tho in my defense, I had a killer toothache which may have affected my mood when I was typing my initial post.