AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #631
“Shed, Part Two: The Death of Curt Connors”
Writer: Zeb Wells
Penciler: Chris Bachalo and Emma Rios
Inker: Tim Townsend, Jaime Mendoza, Chris Bachalo, and Emma Rios
Colorist: Antonio Fabela
Cover Art: Chris Bachalo and Tim Townsend
Variant Cover Art: Doug Braithewaite
Be warned – there are SPOILERS ahead!
Way back in November of 2008, in Episode 51 of the Spider-Man Crawl Space Podcast, Kevin claimed that The Amazing Spider-Man #575 made him consider quitting comics. It was a very funny moment, but when I first listened to that episode, I thought, “Man, there’s no way a single comic (that isn’t the last part of One More Day) could be that bad!”
Ladies and gentlemen, I was proven wrong today. The Amazing Spider-Man #631 is so offensively terrible that I got the same feeling Kevin did about a year and a half ago.
The Plot
Ana Kravinoff hunts Kaine. Carlie Cooper and Spider-Man investigate the scene of the crime at Connors’ lab. The Lizard goes after Billy, and Spider-Man fights him. CHOMP.
The Good
The Emma Rios pages are decent.
The Bad
Oh boy. I’ll try to keep this as civil as possible.
Let’s start from the beginning. We all remember Kaine, right? He’s a super-strong, very formidable, damaged clone of Spider-Man that debuted during the Clone Saga. He’s a driven, focused, powerful force to be reckoned with. At least, he has been in all of his other appearances.
In this issue, he runs like a bitch from a twelve-year-old girl.
There isn’t a facepalm image large enough to describe how I felt reading that scene. It makes no goddamn sense. You see, a lot of (lazy) writers, in an attempt to make their creation seem more formidable, will often do so at the expense of another, more established character. As a comics fan, I hate that garbage. The Webheads do this here, by having Skittles the Penny Hooker (a.k.a. Ana Kravinoff) scare the Bejeezus out of Kaine for no logical reason. He could snap that little skank in half without much of a thought – remember, this is the guy that killed a roomful of gun-toting professional gangsters in his first appearance – but instead, he decided to run away. (Ironically, Kaine himself was the beneficiary of this fallback – they established his badassery by having him kill Doctor Octopus.)
Then, we get to the scene in Connors’ lab. Now, I have to ask: what is Carlie’s jurisdiction, exactly? Is she the only crime scene officer in New York? It sure seems like it, because inevitably she ends up running every single crime scene that appears in this series. She’s the most important person in town apparently. But let me back up a second … she had to call Peter from the crime scene to tell him she wasn’t coming to dinner. Yup, they’re dating now. So not only is Carlie the most important person in town, but she’s also dating the superhero! Isn’t Carlie awesome? Hey, wait a minute … isn’t Joe Quesada’s daughter also named Carlie? That seems like an awfully large –
But I digress. Back to the crime scene … apparently, the Lizard went bananas and tore everyone in the lab apart. Well, everybody but the lab assistant. However, I’ll save that one for the end of the review, because that’s probably the most vile thing in the comic. Carlie mentions Connors’ custody battle, and Spidey races off to save Billy. An extremely padded, hard-to-follow battle ensues. Spider-Man sees through the open door that somebody has already been inside, so he abandons the Lizard and checks things out, even though he already knows that the Lizard is on a murderous rampage and could kill even more people as soon as he walks away. Skittles already kidnapped Billy for some reason, even though it doesn’t speed the plot along or anything. Since Spider-Man is preoccupied in the townhouse stammering around like an idiot, the Lizard has ample opportunity to find Billy in the alleyway where Skittles left him. Naturally, the Lizard eats the kid and the issue ends.
Wait … what the hell?! This is a Spider-Man comic, right? You know, the one that’s rated 9 and Up, and supposedly aimed at a newer, younger readership? I can’t imagine anything that could get kids interested in the book more than having the only character that they could identify with age-wise being eaten by a lizard-man. But you shouldn’t expect this to make any sense by this point, because none of this clusterfudge of a story follows any sort of logic.
Boy, what a mess. This reads like an 8-page story spread out into 22 pages. The art is, in a word, atrocious. The Emma Rios stuff is decent, but the Bachalo pages are so poorly illustrated that, at times, I had to read and re-read pages just to try to understand what the hell was happening. The layouts within the panels are extremely difficult to follow, which naturally is a big problem considering that Wells crams the panels full of nonsensical gibberish. The entire fight scene reads like the English subtitles of a bootleg DVD from China.
The Ugly
Lizard rape.
No, I’m not making this up. Go pick up your copy and re-read the first three panels of page 8. Carlie tells Spider-Man that six people were killed, and the only survivor was Connors’ lab assistant. Spidey asks if Carlie talked to her, and Carlie replies, “She’s in no shape to talk. [Pause.] Leave it at that.” And in the next panel, Spider-Man has his hand over his face while Carlie leans dejectedly against a table.
SQUICK.
Oh, Marvel will almost certainly backpedal away from this. They’ll say that we’re reading too much into it, even though 50% of the previous issue was spent establishing that Connors had a creepy sexual interest in the lab assistant, sniffing her and getting territorial when his boss showed up to take her out. But it’s there for anybody that can read the subtext.
Then again, we shouldn’t be surprised. This is the same book that has creepy masked sex, drunken hookups (oh wait, they already retconned that), mistaken identity sex (whoops, they already backpedaled away from that one, too), eating hookers, killing rats with boogers, racist jokes, domestic abuse, projectile acid vomiting, cultural stereotypes, eating children …
What’s next? Well, Ana Kravinoff is supposed to be twelve, right? Why not mix in some implied child porn? And even better – with the rumors of Kraven the Hunter in the upcoming Grim Hunt, why not work in a little necrophilia, too? Hey, maybe “The Gauntlet” is some kind of BDSM club where the climax of the story takes place. Why not? The book is already so appallingly disgusting, this kind of bullspit would fit right in.
Thanks a lot, Webheads.
The Bottom Line
I would have been better off spending my three bucks on some magic beans. 0 out of 5 webheads.
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Seriously, guys, this isn’t that bad. I think Gerard jumped to some really unfair conclusions in regard to the rape, because it was never shown and was only alluded to in a way that was so open to interpretation that it could have been a number of other things altogether. As for the part where he allegedly ate his son? It was never shown, and it’s a cliffhanger, dude. And a damn good one.
As for the story itself, while not up to par with the last issue (which I would rate a 4.5), it was a decent story in itself. I agree with everyone that Kaine was out of character in running away from the little girl, especially with no pretense, and thaat we could have done without that episode entirely, but the rest of it was filled with decent storytelling and art (with the exception of some muddied layouts – but in all, I love how Bachalo actually tries to show us something we haven’t seen before). I’d rate this one a 3. Love the team, and even though the fill-in artist was pretty decent, I’m starting to wonder why braintrust can never seem to get their schedule so that Bachalo can do an entire issue without fill-in pages.
Oh, and BD, I hope you give this issue a fair shake. I know you’re not a fan of Wells or Bachalo, but for what it is, with the Kaine and Li’l Kraven stuff aside, it’s a decent read that looks like it’ll get better before the end. I get the feeling that Gerard is intentionally going into his reviews with a negative attitude, picking at things to hate. His reviews are starting to read like a Fox News “fair and balanced” commentary.
Just spread that Spidey love JGC! 🙂
I kind of wish Steve Wacker sent me over here. To do what, I have no idea.
Why “Farley”? What are you implying?
Now who’s attacking? You described the panels that show Curts internal struggle as incomprehensible gibberish, when in actuallity, they show us the turmoil and conflict Curt’s going through. I’m not a rocket scientist, but I got this. Someone reviewing the issue really should have.
OK, having reread my iitial post I realise I may have come across as a touch confrontational in tone. I still feel that ratingan issue based on assumptions and misconceptions is not the way to go, but apologise for the brusqueness of my tone.
The truth is, I was expecting negativity regarding this issue based on SW’s comment last issue regarding a shocking Lizard scene. But the fact sooo many people here jumped to conclusions just pi**ed me off, based on the actual amount of evidence to back it up.
And giving an issue 0 out of 5 is not being objective.
So not only do you accuse me of not being objective, which is clearly incorrect if you’ve read all of my reviews, but now you’re outright accusing me of not reading or understanding the issue? You’re a really classy guy, “Farley.”
Yep, because a reviewer should be objective, something he clearly isn’t. Also helps if you’ve read and understood the issue you’re reviewing…..
And you call for him to be replaced with Michael Bailey?
Yet the question was phrased as such, as well as the “who are YOU” statement was an attack. I’m scared of negative reviews? Seems to me theres a fear of positivity….
“No, Steve Wacker did NOT send me over here”
I don’t think he was being serious.
Yes, the Lizard eat his son bacause Curt had finally lost the inner battle with the Lizard and finally “Shed” his human side. get it? It’s quite clever when you stop to think, as opposed to jump to conclusions that aren’t there and pick the story apart.
carlie being on scene, as I said above is just a story telling device, no different than Pete always being the photographer on scene in the “good old days”
No, Steve Wacker did NOT send me over here, why is it so hard to believe that there are some of us who enjoy ASM, without being accussed of being an insider etc. the difference between me and many other enjoyers of the titles is:
A I’m more vocal
B I can still be bothered to post on here and take f;ack for being positive
I’m not scared of negative reviews, just sick of the knee jerk hating, and the transparency of ASM reviwers hate when reviewing ASM on here.
Who am I to tell Gerad how to review the book? No-one.
Who is he to tell people NOT to read the book? No-one.
… so Curt spared the lab assistant, but let the lizard eat his son? Thems’ be some priorities he got there… And judging by those pages I saw, I can understand WHY they’d think that..
She the only detective on call? They can only afford one? I think that’s what he was getting at…
… and I remember when he was married to Mary Jane…
… well, if he’s got the nerve to take credit for MY post on CBR, I wouldn’t put it past him. What, did he send you over here or something? You don’t like the reviews, no one’s forcing you to read them… not like you care about them… And I’d actually LOVE to see what Michael has to say about this issue. Stop being scared of negative reviews… if the book was written better, it wouldn’t have gotten one. Besides, who are YOU to tell Gerard how to feel about the book?
Jesus wept, where to start?
Ok, the reason the lab assisstant was left alive is BECAUSE Curt had feelings for her. Throughout the entire issue, we have a battle between Curt’s self and that of the Lizard, represented in those “nonsenical gibberings” the reviewer mentioned. If you’d bothered to read the panels you’d see it was the lizard side of Curts brain arguing with the human side.
The lab assistant was probably completely traumatised because she saw Curt transform and rip people to shreds in front of her, that’d certainly traumatise me, you’re reading into this whole rape thing because you want it to be true, because then you have something else to complain about, IMO.
Bachalo’s stylised Lizard was fine by me, and his eating Billy is no less offensive than what Lizard did in “Torment” ( btw, Spider-Man was approved by the comics code for that storyline ). Art is subjective tho, generally I’m not the biggest Bachalo fan, but credit where it’s due, I thought this issue and last were some of his better efforts on ASM.
Carlie was there for the same reason that pete was always assigned to events as a photographer were villainsd attack, to service the story. That’s it. If you can’t accept the basic tenants of storytelling in this fashion, the coincidence and timing of the hero always being where the action is, then you’re reading the wrong medium.
Carlie and Pete were kinda dating in the recent Juggernaut story. Surprised you didn’t notice that, seeing as you reviewed it.
Steve Wacker attacked this site? I can’t imagine why, after you completely rip this issue apart based on no proof or facts, but purely on your own anti- ASM bias.
If you don’t like the title, drop it. For gods sake don’t review it. as you’ve proved you can’t stay objective. Bring back Michael Bailey! I may not have always agreed with his reviews, but at least he was objective.
He probably raped her so she will have his lizard-looking child in 28 days
God!!! I quit reading this thing (cannot call it a comic anymore), I have enough spiderman in Ultimate Comics spiderman and the Avengers, hopefully he will be in the new team as in the last page of siege Bo.4
I don’t have near as big a problem with the Kain thing…I mean…if I foresaw myself dying a terrible death I think I’d run from the person too. Also, the rape thing never crossed my mind, went back and re-read it and I think it’s a stretch….. I don’t get why its a big deal if the Lizard killed Billy (why it is wrong)…it was done tastefully enough and I’m sorry but I don’t think most youg kids are going to be traumatized by reading it. Finally, to all the coments about Spider-man hooking up with Black Cat and what not…..that was going on in the 70s and 80s too….nothing new there.
Afraid I say I’ve really liked Baccholo’s art, even back in the snow arc that our fair podcasters all seemed to hate. I guess it’s a horses for courses thing.
As for this issue, I quite liked it. I didn’t read any implied Lizard rape either. Should they go full bore with it and have Conners essentially `dead` it could revitalise the Lizard too, in much the same way I feel the Rhino has been rehabilitated as a top tier villain.
Sure I’ll be back in bed with you all by OMIT however 🙁
Well, I also heard from a dude in 4thletter.net that it’s all about execution. Did anyone think the whole Lizard-eating-his-own-kid thing was executed well, or is that not the issue?
Did anyone of you kids read Todd Mcfarlines’s adjective-less “Spider-Man” run? Man you guys would hate that as well. It wasn’t amazing but it was bringing darker stuff to the spidey world which was nice.
… wow. Billy’s… … wow.
And he did WHAT? And if it DIDN’T happen, why didn’t he just kill her too? Also, if it didn’t happen, why all the prior foreshadowing to imply that general direction?
First they split them up, then he’s paired with MicHELLe Gonzales, having kinky masked sex in broken into hotel rooms with Black Cat, now he’s shacking up with Carlie Cooper?
Kaine got punked by Skittles the Penny Hooker? Street Cred… gone.
I went over to weeklycrisis.com. The guy that reviewed ASM kept raving about how awesome this issue was, including how the Lizard ate his son and how Bachalo’s art was “out of the park.” It’s amazing how different that review and this one are.
@ Spiderman 252.
Nah. Your naive kiddo. Don’t worry…I can be the same way! 😛
Two things: As Gerard pointed out, they established that Curt had creepy feelings for his lab assistant and not only is she the only survivor but really?
He ate his son. Anything could have happened. If she were traumatized over a lesser reason I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t have been left to the audience to judge for themselves!
I’m not happy that they continue to pull stunts like this for shock value. But I am glad that everything was done off screen and ambiguously enough that some readers are not able to immediately tell exactly what went on. I honestly don’t see why everyone is complaining. Why not? I think everyone should get their rape on once in a while. *SARCASM*
I love how there’s someone on CBR that ridicules your review Gerard, asking how is eating hookers and acidic vomit too disgusting for spider-man.
Gerard,
I have to disagree with you about the “Rape”
Maybe I’m naive, but I read the same sentance you did – “She’s in no shape to talk. [Pause.] Leave it at that.”
And never once did I think that she was raped.
My take was either she in shock over what just happened, or perhaps was also assaulted but not killed.
Gonna go ahead and be the outcast…I actually liked the last two issues. Flaws and all. Good to see the Lizard back.
whatever. baccholo’s art has always been indecipherable to me. thanks for the review!
@Venomaniac–Well, as I said in response, considering how Dr. Connors, or rather the Lizard, was lusting after Marissia last issue, that he attacked and killed King for “challenging” him and encroaching on his “territory,” her being the sole survivor of his attack, that she was “not speaking,” and given Spidey and Carlie’s reactions (especially with Carlie’s “let’s just leave it at that”, I think it was pretty easy to conclude that the implication was Marissia was assaulted by the Lizard. If this is not the case, then all we’re really guilty of is reading too much into a scene as opposed to trying to keep up our “street cred.” And personally, I’m not bothered by what Wacker has to say about me personally. Mainly, because, I just find it amusing that I and others can apparently get under his skin so easily without really trying.
@ Stillanerd. Read Wacker’s comment on CBR. He just insulted Crawlspace again with his next post 🙁
Hurrah, they’re backtracking already it appears.
Is there any reason in the story the lizard would kill Billy, I’ll admit the last Lizard story I read was the one near end of the Clone Saga but I remember in that he kept Billy safe from attack even while he was the lizard.
Like I said in my twitter feed, thank fuck I’m not reading this shit.
According to Marvel’s own site, “The Heroic Age ushers in a brighter Marvel Universe”…really? A universe wherein a lizard-monster devours his own 9-year-old son? Where our favorite web-head hops from bed to bed (sometimes masked, sometimes not)? So far, I don’t see anything “bright” about it…
@BD- Personally, I stopped right around there. I stuck around through “Maximum Carnage” (all 14 long issues!), the return of Peter’s parents (who here believed they were really back?), and several other groan-inducing storylines, but when they said the Spidey I’d been reading for 20-some years was a phony, that did it for me. But judging by today’s storylines, I’m not so sure that the clone idea was a bad one after all. Maybe the OMD Peter Parker is really a clone, and the real one is being held captive in Mephisto’s realm, forced to watch (as are we all) as his entire life is turned upside down? I’m rooting for Dr Strange (or is it Brother Voodoo, now?) to go kick some devil tail, and bring our hero back home!
Well, Steve Wacker has just weighed in over at CBR:
“Real quick..this rape accusation is being “inferred”, not “implied”.
(Inferred incorrectly, I might add).”
http://forums.comicbookresources.com/showpost.php?p=11139542&postcount=20
I question how a Lizard man can have sex with a human being…please don’t tell me “It’s magic.”
@Bryan: Don’t look now, but the letters page from a few issues ago mentioned that Freak will reappear this summer …
@JGC: Reading kaka like this is one of the best ways to appreciate the good stories when they come along. 😉
@Bertone: Yep, that was one of those “read and re-read” moments that I discussed in the review. That art makes it difficult to follow the story!
@SpiderPlumber: As always, I encourage everybody to form their own opinion. At the end of the day, my opinion is just that — an opinion. No word that I type should be taken as dogma. I wouldn’t recommend this issue to anybody, but if someone reads and enjoys this, their opinion is as valid as mine.
@BD – I find it interesting that you brought up the Clone Saga. I just submitted a question for May’s Podcast. Something seems fishy…
@JGC-If I left the book every time I read a bad Spider-Story I’d have been long gone during the Clone Saga.
I don’t even have the issue yet, but from what I’ve read here, the only good thing about it might be the Variant cover…
The art was so odd I couldn’t tell it Billy was eaten or not.
Me thinks if a comic like this gets a 0 out of 5 from you, then perhaps it’s time to leave the book? I don’t see how reviewing this could be any fun for you.
I’ve been reading ASM as long as BD and I’m curious to hear what he thinks. I didn’t hate the issue but I didn’t love it either. It’s the same as all the other Gauntlet issues, it’s a ho-hum story that’s part of a bigger ho-hum storyline. Billy being eaten by his Dad – let’s wait and see what happens in the other two parts before we pass judgement or draw conclusions. As for the Lizard-rape stuff, IMO you’re reaching.
Maybe it wouldn’t be negative if the current braintrust hadn’t ruined my favorite, and the all-time greatest, superhero there is. I’ve never been overly fond of DC characters, but seriously Marvel are you going to force my hand and make me switch allegiances? If so, than keep producing crap like this out. At least the Freak wasn’t involved
Wow, a good ol’ 0 out of 5! Great job on the reviews, ‘Tour! You may be the quickest reviewer I’ve ever seen.
@SuperChencho: I’m not going anywhere anytime soon. This is too good of a gig to simply quit, unless circumstances dictate that I should. 😛
@Breckin M.: C’mon now, taking direct shots at creators for no reason isn’t allowed here.
Wow. Your first “zero out of five,” Gerard. Don’t tell me you’re gonna quit, though. ASM has been nothing but a revolving door of reviewers (but I blame the comic itself).
@Berserkfury819: I don’t try to be harsh deliberately, but this issue was so terrible that I had to be blunt about it.
@Kassady86: Ironically, 628 was probably the last good issue. 🙂
@Hertz: Neither. Billy was eaten off-panel. The panel shows a bunch of droplets that are either spit or miscolored blood, so I think it’s open to interpretation. Judging from the rest of the issue, though, I would assume he chewed …
Did it show him eating his son, or swallowing him whole?
Guess it’s a good thing my subscription ended at 628. First lizard rape, then OMIT. Oy.
And I thought Crazy Chris was harsh. But you’re review was spot on Gerard. There was nothing redeemable about this issue.
@BD: Ack! You shouldn’t be reading spoiler-filled reviews if you haven’t gotten he book yet. 😉
But you’re right about one thing — this has been the worst story of BND so far.
@Ryan: DO NOT BUY THIS BOOK. If you absolutely have to read it, just Byrne-steal it. It’s not worth the paper it’s printed on.
wow… speechless. I haven’t bought an issue since 617 and i’m actually con sidering picking this up to make up my own mind on that lizard rape thing. Damn, this book just keeps getting worse and worse. Thanks again for the timely review!
First off, you rock for putting this review up so damn quick. Thanks as always!
I haven’t read the book with the exception of the Kaine scene I saw on a preview. I too thought that was very out of character for him to run away from a little girl.
However, I had no idea that there was Lizard rape etc in the book. My goodness. I really didn’t like Wells/Bachello’s team up with the snow story. I’m worried this will top it for me in the worst BND story yet.