Secret Invasion: Spider-Man #2 Review

Here I am going to review Secret Invasion: Spider-Man #2. I will discuss the plot, my likes and dislikes with overall thoughts. Eventually, I will get to my worst lines of the issue and give an overall grade to the issue, this will be marked out of five webheads. The subtitles will be in yellow and you can make comments below. I have just left nothing to the imagination.

Speaking of leaving nothing to the imagination…

SECRET INVASION: SPIDER-MAN #2
Brand New Secret Invasion, Part 2
WRITER:Brian Reed
ARTIST: Marco Santucci
INKS:Mark Pennington
COLORS:Jeromy Cox
LETTERS: Jared K. Fletcher

PLOT:
After an annoying recap page by Spider-Man, we begin with Vin Gonzales helping civilians escape the DB! before looking at the fight between Jackpot and SSS (Sinster-Six-Skrull) and saying, “Oh no”. He sounds worried. The Brand New Day cast run away from SSS toward Brooklyn. We cut to Harry and Lily cornered between two Super Skrulls, one foolishly punches a wall and allows them to run into a car dealership, where some idiot left the keys in the ignition and they drive away.

The BND cast reach the DB! car park and while Crackpot (sorry I mean Jackpot) distracts SSS, Robbie reveals he was THE Rocket Robertson, an ex-street racer from Brooklyn and in immediately lets him drive. I’m so glad that plot point was covered from last issue. Sigh.

They speed away with SSS in hot pursuit. Jackpot tells Robbie to drive to the Baxter Building for help, but when they get there, they find out what New York has known for a while and that the Baxter Building is blown half to hell and the Fantastic Four are nowhere to be seen. They drive off leaving SSS to swear in Skrullish. Meanwhile, Harry and Lily are driving towards the police station, then the Super Skrulls finally catch up and cause them to crash. Harry hides, hoping Lily isn’t dead (Wow, what a catch ladies), until a mysterious figure on a Goblin glider slices one of the Skrulls with an axe.

Jackpot is being thrown about by SSS (literally) but she is suddenly grabbed by the menace that is…MENACE! The BND cast drive around thinking of a plan, Dexter Bennett comes up with one, (“Drive faster!”, genius) but it is foiled when SSS rips open the car, still looking for Spider-Man because they all smell like him apparently.

LIKES:
-If anybody can help me out here, I’d appreciate it

DISLIKES:
-This series’ existence
-Terrible dialogue once again
-Mediocre art
-No story whatsoever
-The amount of Super Skrulls in these tie-ins is beginning to get annoying
-The recap page
-No Spider-Man except in the crappy recap page

THOUGHTS:
Not only was this book bad, it actually annoyed me. It wasn’t just terrible, it wasted my time. Nothing happened really, a recurring element in all of Secret Invasion. The dialogue sucked, and leaves nothing to the imagination. They say nothing of use, except what is going on and obvious observations. Comic readers are not stupid! We know these people are in trouble. Not that we care. Another problem with this book. We don’t care nearly enough about these people, except maybe Joe Robbie Robertson (or Rocket Robertson, whatever). Without an active protagonist to care about, then we don’t care what happens. We don’t feel connected to the story and its pointless.

Art was meh. Just meh. Nothing more to say really.

Now…the recap page. WTF?! It has Spider-Man in the Savage Land, describing what happened last issue. As if he knew. I doubt he even cared. And I know about breaking the fourth wall, but that isn’t a Spider-Man thing. You want that, then go find Deadpool, just not the current series because that sucks. However, I digress. The recap page was just boring, stupid and unoriginal, it is only a minor qualm because it is a recap page, but it just annoyed me.

WORST LINES:
DEXTER BENNETT: I said run! (He never said run, by the way)

SSS: Irritating. Your weapon is useless!

VIN: My gun! I dropped my gun!

HARRY: The police station! WE’ll see if Vin or Carlie knows what the plan is for
dealing with alien invaders

JACKPOT: (Landing on car) Sorry trunk!

Ouch.

OVERALL:
0 webheads out of 5.

Nowhere to go but up. Unless I introduce a negative webhead scale.