Secret Invasion: Spider-Man #1 Review

Well, believe it or not, I was all for this mini-series. I actually can’t stand tie-ins ruining the flow of a series, so this is a way for it not to interfere with the series, but we can still see the reaction of our friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. So sue me, this mini-series could have been decent. Ah, how hopes can be so easily thrown into the wind.

SECRET INVASION: SPIDER-MAN #1
Brand New Secret Invasion
WRITER: Brian Reed
ARTIST: Marco Santucci
INKS: Mark Pennington
COLORS: Jeremy Cox
LETTERS: Jared K. Fletcher

PLOT:
We kick off with Jackpot, Joe Robertson, Vin Gonzales, Betty Brant and Dexter Bennett driving away from a Super-Skrull which has the powers of “six of Spider-Man’s greatest villains”. These are Electro, Venom, Rhino, Lizard, Hydro-Man and I can’t tell the last one. Greatest villains my foot.

We flashback to Jackpot stopping an illegal shipment, but realises she made a mistake when DVD players are in the box. Uh oh. We go to Vin looking for Peter to get his share of the rent, but he doesn’t find him. He then meets Carlie Cooper, Harry Osborn and Lily Hollister at the Coffee Bean. They talk about Peter, but then Vin and Carlie leave for work.

Jackpot wants to talk to the DB! about their article on her, however, she brings a loudmouth union rep which ruins everything. Robbie talks to Bennett about him using his name, when he doesn’t work there anymore. The rep makes a scene and Jackpot is embarrassed. Well, you invited her there, so get over it.

Harry and Lily walk around, wondering how to spend money when a Skrull ship hovers above New York. Everybody panics and Spider-Man swings into the DB! He attacks Jackpot, revealing he is actually a Skrull. Oh and that he’s naked, but that isn’t important to the plot really.

Harry and Lily run away from the ship, only to be cornered by Deathlok-Skrull, while Jackpot continues to fight, without much success either. Spidey-Skrull then demands they bring him Spider-Man or he’ll kill them in six deadly ways and morphs into Sinister Six-Skrull (or whatever you want to call him)

LIKES:
-It finished

DISLIKES:
-It was just boring, most of it was day to day activity with no point to it
-The dialogue was AWFUL!
-The art didn’t really shine to me, looked very generic
-WHERE IS SPIDER-MAN?
-It says that Joe Robertson used to be a street racer. Umm…ok then
-We have two more issues of this series to go

THOUGHTS:
Yeah, well I didn’t like this issue at all. Not one bit. I have no interest in what Lily Hollister and Dexter Bennett are going to do during the Invasion. The other characters have potential, but none of it is shown in this book. Jackpot is shown as a dumbass, much like everyone else in this book.

The dialogue sucks out loud. It really does. Nothing is left to the imagination as we are explained what is on the page. Holy exposition Batman! You’ll se what I mean in a minute.

The art was so mediocre, the Skrull designs were not great, but I don’t blame that completely on the artist. This book just didn’t hit me, maybe because it was bad or Reed writes on a completely different level that I am able to read. I doubt that’s it though

WORST LINES:
THUG: (To other thugs) She just kicked Reggie, she’s gotta pay!

UNION REP: Silence! Now I talk!

VIN: What’s the code for a gigantic alien spaceship?

JACKPOT: (To Spidey-Skrull) You sure as hell are under arrest!

These are a few examples of how bad that damn dialogue was. It just sounds bad to me. Some may disagree, but this just isn’t how people talk to anybody or anything. I feel this may become a regular feature with this series

OVERALL:
1 webhead out of 5

Yeah. This was made of ass. There I said it.