After a month-and-a-half of having nothing to call Spider-Man’s new mullet-rocking, eye shadow-abusing villainess besides “Female Kraven,” she finally has an official name: Ana Tatiana Kravinoff. That doesn’t mater, because I’m just going to call her Skittles the Penny Hooker. I gotta make reviewing these fun somehow. Read the full review of Skittles’ First Trick Part 3 and leave a comment so I know you did!
THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #567
“Legacy” (Part 3 of “Kraven’s First Hunt”)
WRITER: Marc Guggenheim
BREAKDOWNS: Phil Jimenez
FINISHES: Andy Lanning
COLORS: Chris Chuckry
PLOT:
Spider-Man, looking awkward in Daredevil’s costume, overpowers Vermin and demands he show him where Skittles the Penny Hooker took Vin Gonzales. Spidey finds them and they spend the better part of the book kicking on each other. Vermin shows up to attack Skittles the Penny Hooker and the good guys can slink away. Later, Spider-Man confronts Vin and tells him he put Skittles the Penny Hooker on his trail to guard the ol’ secret ID.
Meanwhile, at Skittles HQ, S.P.H. blubbers while HER MOM tells her how much she resembles her daddy, Sergei Kravinoff.
THOUGHTS:
If you can read this sentence, then you’re un-stunted enough to have guessed she was Kraven’s daughter with one glance at the cover. However, it genuinely surprised me to see her mother, who looks like a certified badass, appear at the end. Let’s see HER in action, and not this twelve-year-old crybaby. I guess this story served a purpose in setting up Kraven’s widow’s dramatic unveiling, but potential for better stories ahead doesn’t make the three issues already out any less unbearable.
Like his young antagonist, Marc Guggenheim plies his craft with an amateur’s incompetence. Raw logic dictates that a character can’t say more in one panel than he could while performing the action depicted therein. So, when, in one flying punch-leap, Spider-Man manages to say all of “Mercy just arrived. Or at least the cavalry. Sorry about the “mercy” joke. That’s not really all that funny, but, y’know, Spider-Man is the witty one. Not to mention more handsome and lovable. I’m actually quite jealous of him.” the reader can’t physically play the scene in his or her mind’s eye. It’s bad comic book writing and Guggenheim does it repeatedly.
A worse mismatch is in the tone. In a sadistically graphic story, Guggenheim’s continual attempts at funniness all fall flat, and he tries oh so hard. An author can appropriately mix humor and darkness on occasion, like in Slott’s Paper Doll story, but I don’t need Spider-Man cracking jokes while blood squirts from his freshly cannibalized shoulder.
This issue bored me. The characters just stand in one place and kick, kick, kick until the big rodent ex machina. I see that Skittles letting her scheme collapse into a brute kicking match illustrates her inexperience, but there are ways to do that without wasting an issue on freaking kicking. I counted 13 panels showing one character kicking or attempting to kick another. If that’s all you need from a comic, then you’ll get a kick out of this one. Otherwise, kick it to the curb.
RATING:
1.5 webheads out of 5. New Ways to Die had better give this series a kick in the pants or else I’ll find some new ways to spend my money.
REVIEWED BY: CrazyChris
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man weszpinner , i think you and me see eye to eye on our taste in spidey books. they need to do more kick ass stories with electro and doc ock and all the classic villains. i know they have been used a million times in past books and story arcs but man, it works and i never get tired of them. i wonder if stories like kravens LAST hunt, and the whole black suit symbiote arcs, and the mystery of the hobgoblin etc will ever happen again. like real classics. honestly it seems these new stories might as well not exist. they have no impact and are easily forgotten.
Daughter of Kraven? What next? Is Spidey gonna be attacked by the illegitimate son of Doctor Octopus’s brother’s cousin’s best friend’s highschool
sweetheart? Seriously, they better have an insanely good story for the upcoming Venom vs AntiVenom vs Spider-Man story or I might just lock
myself into the past and relive the glory days between 1980 and 1993.
I swear, things in Spider-Man world are getting so lame and boring, I’ve found myself more interested at watching the Democrat National
Convention than any of the recent Spidey exploits.
Go McCain (Who, by the way, is older than Superman)!
hahahaha Skittles the Penny Hooker!!! You killed me with that one Chris…thanks a million!!!
Keep On Thwipin’!!!
Sam
Webhead623, my opinion about BND was pretty mixed at the beginning, but I did give the first two arcs generally favorable reviews and the fourth arc a very good recomendation. You can still find the reviews from the old site here: http://www.spidermancrawlspace.com/Amazing/amazing16.html
Thanks for the comments and keep them comming! I want to hear from everyone!
The Kraven-girl and Phil Jimenez´s art were the only good things. I liked the story but it´s too BND and Daredevil n0ot knowing Peter is Spider-man, too good to be true.
Chris, didn’t you like BND when it first started? I can’t believe (or maybe I can after OMD) that Skittles is Kraven’s baby girl. Dude got around. But really, how many more of his progeny are going to take up his mantle. None of them have been good/memorable. Kraven really had one great story(the last one) and these various attempts at resurrection just aren’t hitting the mark.
Skittles the Penny Hooker, that is classic. I haven’t read the issue yet, but that will be in the back of my mind. LOL
BD
And if he quits, who will be at fault? Marvel, and this half-assed Spider-man relaunch, that’s who. Love your reviews, but if it’s starting to hurt, man… bail while the bailing’s good.
Chris, I haven’t read any Amazing since OMD, so I can’t comment on the books, but I really do enjoy your reviews. I know you are thinking of quitting, but please reconsider.
You make me laugh and thats more than this new status quo can do.
Valkyrie of Delta Tau Chi
LOL at your review of 567, Skittles the Penny Hooker is a great name, I was laughing for ages.