Amazing Spider-Man (Vol. 1) #547 Review

THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #547
TITLE: “Crimes of the Heart”
WRITER: Dan Slott
PENCILER: Steve McNiven
INKER: Dexter Vines
COLORIST: Morry Hollowell

PLOT:

The issue opens with a full-page splash of Peter sucking J. Jonah Jameson’s face. Actually, he’s performing CPR on “old flattop”. The paramedics arrive and Robbie takes charge, ordering Peter to score some Spidey pics to save the Bugle.
Boyle, the Spider-Mugger, peddles Peter and Carlie’s credit cards at some waterfront bar, but he can’t get a cent for the web shooter, which his fence mistakes for a cheap watch. Fiddling with it, Boyle accidentally tags mobster Bruno Karnelli with a spider-tracer from across the bar.
Spider-Man hones in on Boyle, but notices there are now two active tracers nearby. Goons in a van kidnap Karnelli, so Spidey pursues him instead of Boyle. Much later, Boyle realizes from whom he must have stolen the web shooter and plans to take another gander at the cards he sold.
While Jonah unconsciously awaits surgery, his wife Marla uses her power of attorney to sell their shares of the Daily Bugle so this wont happens again.
Spider-Man chases Karnelli’s kidnappers to one of Mr. Negative’s hideouts, where Karnelli is already plugged into a blood-extracting machine. Negative plans to wipe out the two mob families Karnelli is related to by mixing a special poison with his blood, the recipe for which was inscribed on the glowing tablet. Spidey flogs Negative’s henchmen and saves Karnelli, but not before the boss escapes with his poison.
Karnelli explains Mr. Negative’s scheme, and Spider-Man swings off to warn the gangsters, who are meeting in a hotel. Red gas floods the room shortly after our hero arrives. He drops to the ground as hoodlums shrivel up and die around him.

THOUGHTS:

Best. First page splash. Ever. The way Slott turns last issue’s opening “reality slap” on its head is brilliant. I’m still laughing. It doesn’t hurt that Steve McNiven and company draws all this. Those guys are gods.
Slott can cram more story into an issue than any other modern writer I can think of. There’s no denying this issue is well-crafted, especially considering the multiple concurrent subplots. Spider-Man 3’s screenwriters should take note.
I’m interested in what’s happening with Jonah and the Bugle, because Marla’s well-meaning betrayal is a genuinely good twist. Mr. Negative’s gang war is fairly exciting except for the weak cliffhanger (the gas is clearly keyed to Karnelli’s bloodline, so Spider-Man won’t be affected). The prospect of Boyle discovering Spider-Man’s identity is completely boring. That they’d go to that well again so soon after Mephisto’s mind wipe is, frankly, pathetic.

FAVORITE QUOTE:

MR. NEGATIVE: “You realize I took the precaution of writing it down?”

RATING: 3.5 webheads out of 5. I’m enjoying the tone and style, but I can’t forget the revamp’s inherent problems. Murky continuity makes it very hard to become attached to the characters. The same story could have been told with the status quo from 2 years ago, and I probably would have liked it more.

REVIEWED BY: CrazyChris