Friendly Fire Fight Club #198 - 'MOW the LAWN!'

[George Berryman]

"It is I, Bruce Lee, the deadliest man to have ever walked the Earth with the possible exception of John Wayne or George Berryman. The Gong of Conflict has once again been pounded upon - it is time to FIGHT!"



"Recently FSUSpiderFan challenged butters911 - who is in a very precarious spot at the end of the season! - and butters911 accepted. butters911 also declared a Venomaniac Corollary match and demanded a battle of lawn care. That's right, Fight Clubbers, it's our very first...



Enjoy the following informational video!



And as his champion butters911 chose the best propane and propane accessories salesman in Arlen, Texas with a narrow urethra... HANK HILL!



"In response, FSUSpiderFan selected a botanist who knows her way around a garden... POISON IVY!"



COMMISSIONER'S NOTE: POISON IVY WILL NOT HAVE ACCESS TO HER PLANT CONTROL POWERS IN THIS FIGHT - ONLY HER SKILL IN BOTANY!

"With her selection in this match Poison Ivy now finds herself on the "Two & Through" list for season two. Enjoy the offseason, Pam! And with the combatants chosen, George Berryman informs me that he has selected the Addams Family Home and Munsters Mansion as tonight's fight venues."



"One is the home of the creepy and kooky Addams Family - the other is the home of the Herman Munster clan. Both houses have dreadful lawns and our combatants will have to grow a lawn and properly maintain it via mowing, trimming and edging. The best lawn wins! Poison Ivy is headed to the Addams Family Home and Hank Hill is headed to the 1313 Mockingbird Drive to get started on the Munsters' yard.

"Murderous psychopath vs. Mr. Propane in a Green Thumb Throwdown Those are your choices! Who wins? Who loses? You decide. Vote NOW! Take us away, Elvis Presley!"

[Thrawn]

I think this one is going to come down to arguments for me. I can see several pros and cons for each character here. Poison Ivy is my favorite comic book female, but I love King of the Hill an awful lot. I don't want to vote against either one.

The nature of the contest would seem to favor Hank Hill since you have to use tools and such. On the other hand no one knows plants better than Poison Ivy.

Truly inspired matchup guys.

I'd also like to express my surpise and delight that Poison Ivy has finally seen some action in Fight Club. She went from not being used a single time last season, to making it on the Two and Through List.

[iron_patriot]

I'm going with Ivy. Her insanity and vanity would give her enough motivation to make sure that she will win.

Keep in mind, I love Ivy(especially paired up with Harley. Ooh, slash fic anybody?) and I have no idea what Hank Hill is like.

[FSUSpiderFan]

Even without her plant powers Ivy wins this hands down. Hank may have affection for his lawn but Poison Ivy is obsessed with plant life. The lawn might be a hobby for Hank but domination of and care for plants is Ivy's life. Hank has other concerns- his family, dog, propane and propane accessories. Ivy is 100% focused on plants. Also, she has a doctorate in botany so she is a professional with a genius intellect all dedicated to care for plants. She can design the best fertilizer and genetically enhanced grass, while Hank is stuck with what he buys at the local shopmart.

The location also favors Ivy. Hank will be scared shitless and not know how to deal with monsters. Ivy will feel right at home.

[Thrawn]

I was actually kind of leaning toward Hank.

I have no idea what Hank Hill is like.

Hank really, really likes his lawn. Keeping an immaculate lawn is a point of pride with him. He once won a lawnmower race with a busted butt cheek. He even went to a lawn mower expo.



Back yard barbecues and working in his yard around the house are Hank's idea of heaven.

The lawn might be a hobby for Hank but domination of and care for plants is Ivy's life.

Ivy hates it when she has to cut and trim plants. I'm not sure if that wouldn't end up being a factor here. Probably not for the purposes of this match, but her idea of a well groomed lawn probably clashes with what Hank's is. I'm not sure what the Addams Family wants though.

Also, she has a doctorate in botany so she is a professional with a genius intellect all dedicated to care for plants

There's a difference between botany and landscaping. Ivy also doesn't have full access to her powers here. The rules state that the combatants have to mow, trim, and edge the lawns. I know Ivy can use a hedge clipper, but has she ever used a lawnmower? Would she use a lawnmower? Or would she protest on principal? That's sort of like asking Catwoman to go on a lion safari hunt.

The location also favors Ivy. Hank will be scared shitless and not know how to deal with monsters. Ivy will feel right at home.

I've been thinking about that as well. On the surface it would seem to favor Ivy, but does it? As a landscaper you have to please the owners of the lawn you're maintaining. ivy has a deep seated psychological need to control others. She doesn't take orders well at all.

Hank might be scared at first, but he has shown the ability to win over most people, and to come to understandings with them. I think he might have an easier time dealing with and pleasing them than Ivy. With her, it's her way or the highway.

Plus Uncle Fester will be hitting on her nonstop and I don't think her pheromones will work on him. That will probably be a very annoying distraction for her.

I'm still not sure who to vote for, but Hank actually has quite a few things going for him over Ivy in my opinion. Of course Poison Ivy is Poison Ivy and that's still a hell of a reason to vote for her.

[Spider-Girl]

HAHAHA, strangest. fight. EVER! I'm pretty sure Poison Ivy could take Hank. He may have some tools on his side, but she has the Earth and minor fighting abilities.

[Thrawn]

He may have some tools on his side, but she has the Earth and minor fighting abilities.

But according to the particulars of this match, they both have to use this criteria:

Both houses have dreadful lawns and our combatants will have to grow a lawn and properly maintain it via mowing, trimming and edging.

And her fighting abilities will be a complete non-factor in this match. She'd no doubt beat Hank on the growing part, but I'm not sure about the rest.

I'm still undecided, but I'm really curious to know how Ivy would perform under the rules of this match. She's certainly versatile enough to succeed, but I'm not discounting Hank. He's quite good with his lawn. He even has been known to sing to it. In fact, I'd say Ivy might even have a thing for Hank to an extent. She'd probably respect him on some level. That's an interesting though.

Crap this is fun. I'm enjoying myself immensely thinking this through in my head.

[tnr105]

Ivy is my favorite female villain, but that aside, while Hank's obsessive, Ivy was a professional botanist and has this in the can. She's neither really good nor evil, but does what's best for her plants, which means here she wins without even trying.

[George Berryman]

Skill in botany doesn't automatically translate into success at growing and tending a lawn.

Ivy also has a psychological problem with harming plantlife. This could become a detriment when she has to cut grass.

Hank FTW.

[Spider-Girl]

Both houses have dreadful lawns and our combatants will have to grow a lawn and properly maintain it via mowing, trimming and edging.

Oh! See, that's what I get for not thoroughly reading!

[tnr105]

Skill in botany doesn't automatically translate into success at growing and tending a lawn.

Ivy also has a psychological problem with harming plantlife. This could become a detriment when she has to cut grass.

Hank FTW.

Not necessarily, I recall in the animated series for instance, she took clippings off one flower to prevent it's extinction. If she finds it in the plants best interest, she'll have no problem making sure the lawn is well groomed.

[herbiepopnecker]

Seems to me the two families would love themselves
lawns teeming with crabgrass and them prickly things
and sawgrass and gardens full of weeds, though...

[FSUSpiderFan]

Seems to me the two families would love themselves
lawns teeming with crabgrass and them prickly things
and sawgrass and gardens full of weeds, though...

This is true. If the lawn is going to please the Adam's Family then Ivy will be able to cook up some amazing monster plants.

Ivy has trimmed plants in the past, if the Adam's Family wants to use the mower she will but I think they would want a truely monstrous yard. If the family wanted a short lawn, with her scientific prowess Ivy could actually design a genetically modified grass that only grows a certain length and never needs to be mowed.

Hank is not the best at lawn care in the world, Arlen,... Hell, even on his block.

From his Wiki

Hank mourns over the fact that his lawn is sub-par compared to his neighbor's

[butters911]

I want to thank Thrawn for combating some of the nonsense going on while I slept dreaming of me and Al Bundy and this old high school girlfriend of mine rescuing FDR from terrorists. It was fun.

First I got to point out what FSUSpiderfan said about Hank mourning his lawn not being as good as his neighbors. The only time that happened was when Dale released a thing of Fireants on Hanks lawn. I'm assuming there is no sabotage in this match.

Ivy is not good at listening to orders. She will do whatever she feels like for the lawn, mourning any cuts she has to make, and prolly not even doing them, unless it absolutely necessary IE so the plants wont die. Hank will do whatever needs to be done to maintain a good lawn. I know Ivy has skills at plant life, but when have you ever seen her mow a lawn?

Hank is good at listening to orders. Anyone who has seen the show has seen what he has to put up with at Strickland. Ivy is a villain. She will prolly be more intent on trying to make the lawn kill the family inside as punishment for them neglecting the lawn.

As far as having a degree in Botany, that doesnt really count for anything for Ivy in this match when it comes to lawn care. Read the match up. Its not who can grow the best exotic plant. Its lawn care, something they dont really cover in botany class.

The location doesnt favor Ivy either. Hank is always 100% focused on the task at hand. Everyone knows that. Whenever anyone needs anything done from help with lawn care to building a pool, they come to Hank. He is not the type to shirk away from a job, or a chance to work on a lawn, because the people are monsters. Hank will welcome any opportunity to work on a lawn. Thrawn wasnt lying when he said that Hank maintaining his lawn is his idea of heaven.

Ivy may have a degree in botany, but she is not good at landscaping.
Look at how overgrown her plants are! Ivy does not believe in cutting plants for sake of it looking nice

She would let them grow to the point of it looking awful for the sake of not harming the plant life. Hank always keeps a well maintained lawn. I cant seem to find videos but in an episode he actually takes a tape measure and measures his lawn in centimeters, to make sure its all even. One side was 16centimeters, while the other was 8 so he obsessively went around evening things out because they were out of whack by 8 centimeters

So long story short, while Ivy is trying to let the plants grow as to not harm them, Hank is obsessively mowing and measuring and doing everything nessasary to make the lawn perfect

[herbiepopnecker]

Mr. Commissioner, might I rise a point of order?
You have stated, and I quote (well, actually copy&paste):
" Both houses have dreadful lawns and our combatants will have
to grow a lawn and properly maintain it via mowing, trimming
and edging. The best lawn wins! Poison Ivy is headed to the
Addams Family Home and Hank Hill is headed to the 1313 Mockingbird Drive
to get started on the Munsters' yard."

However, I postulated:
"Seems to me the two families would love themselves
lawns teeming with crabgrass and them prickly things
and sawgrass and gardens full of weeds, though..."

Having a volume of Chas. Addams' work, I do believe this especially
applies to the Addams Family. I think a neat, orderly, pristine grounds
would piss 'em off, in short.

Ball or skull in your most esteemed court O most esteemed Commissioner.
~~grovel~~bow~~