The Douglas Classic Season One Championship - 'DEATHWORLD!'

[George Berryman]

And now, almost live from the Crawl Space Fight Club Studios, please welcome tonight's hosts, Benjamin J. Grimm and Shang Chi, the Master of Kung Fu!

"Greetin's, Fight Clubbers! It's yer ol' pal, th' Ever Lovin' Blue Eyed Thing, here to see Season One o' Friendly Fire Fight Club through to its bloody end. With me as always is yer own, yer very own, Master of Kung Fu... th' Quicker Kicker Killah, th' High Marshal o' Martial Arts, th' inventor of th' Smooth Pimpin' Kung Fu Style... Shang Chi. Shang, how th' Hell are ya?"

"Oh... Oh, Ben... yes, I... oh that is so nice... Shang Chi is waiting for the applause to die down... yes, do not applaud, just throw money and ladies at Shang Chi, yes... Shang Chi loves you all, too..."

"Oh brudda. We ain't even got a studio audience in here, Shang."

"That is my point! Damnit - why don't we? Berryman is such a cheapskate! Already he has had to restock his bar with Mad Dog 20/20 and Old Grandad! Shang Chi misses his cognac, damnit!"

"Hey Shang, it's a bad economy out there right now. Just be glad ya gotta gig right now, ya know? There's a lot o' heroes what ain't so lucky right now. Remember that one guy with th' feathers? Oh what's his name..."

"Black Talon?"

"Naw naw, this guy's a hero..."

"Warren Worthington III?"

"Naw naw, I'd remember Angel... oh man it's on da tip o' my tongue..."

"Aguila? No wait, he doesn't have feathers."

"Naw wait, that's it! American Eagle!"

"That's not what I said."

"Yeah it is... Aguila, Eagle... anyway I ran into that guy last week. Worked with him before. Alright guy, ya know? Kinda severe but good in a pinch an' he doesn't like to get to damn chatty after th' fight like some heroes do."

"Shang Chi hears you. Sometimes you take out a hundred men with someone else and then suddenly the other guy gets clingy. "Hey, Shang... remember that time we fought a hundred dudes and kicked their asses?" Well sure I do, it was five minutes ago. "Yeah man, good times. Hey let's grab a root beer, discuss politics, sports and our favorite magazines and television programs." BAH! Fools! Leave Shang Chi alone! He wants a hot shower, a hotter woman and a firm bed!"

"... Right. As I wuz sayin', that Aguila guy's doin' used car commercials down south now."

"Oh that is so sad to hear. I mean I am in no way moved to help or anything but... yeah that is really tough."

"Anyway, these folks didn't come here ta listen ta us jaw about hard times. Naw these folks PAID FOR BLOOD!"

"And tonight Ben Grimm they will have it! For tonight is the Douglas Classic Championship, bringing Season One of Friendly Fire to a close!"

"Right, and here to open the festivities, please welcome the Douglas Classic Official Cheerleading Squad!!"



"That's right, Fight Clubbers. I have personally spent th' last several weeks in th' Crawl Space Fight Club tour bus canvasing th' country to audition th' top NFL cheerleading talent for th' Douglas Classic Official Cheerleading Squad!"

"While Shang Chi was canvasing college campuses across the country for their top cheerleading talent in the Crawl Space Fight Club mobile hot tub."

"... Cripes, really? Jeez Chi, you're a hound. Anyway, I had footage o' me and all th' gals from th' auditions but it got destroyed last week in an unfortunate incident here in th' studio between certain Avengers and Batman villains who shall remain nameless right now. But we managed ta make a little presentation with stills that we snapped along the way."



"Shang Chi has film of his auditions as well."

"Oh? Well let's roll it!"

"HAHA! No. It's not... yeah we can't show that footage here."

"Ya have no shame, do ya?"

"None at all! Alright, now that our cheerleaders have entered the stadium, please rise - I already am! - for the national anthem. Here to perform the national anthem tonight is Lt. Frank Drebin of Police Squad."



"Oy. Well what can ya expect? Berryman wants this done on th' cheap!"

"Let us... let us just get to the fighting, for everything else is about to make Shang Chi cry. As everyone knows, the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. It has been a long and hard road for all those who participated in the Friendly Fire Fight Club this year and an even more grueling challenge for those who made it to the Douglas Classic. But now the last two Fight Clubbers standing are ready to prove, once and for all, who is mightiest."

"Please everyone, let's all give a great round of applause for Kevin Cushing and FSUSpiderFan. No matter who wins tonight, everyone in Fight Club wins."

"Well except for whoever loses. Because they still lose, right?"

"Shaddup Chi. Alright, FSUSpiderFan had th' better record-based point total so he was th' challenger, meanin' Kevin Cushing had ta pick first. And OH BROTHER what a pick! Makin' his way to th' arena now, please welcome the Man of Steel... SUPERMAN, representin' Kevin Cushing!"



"Oh wow. Well if you have to pick first, pick bold, eh Ben Grimm? In response, FSUSpiderFan chose a cosmic hero who has single-handedly held off entire hero teams before and who has even bested the Mighty Thor himself! Please welcome... THE SILVER SURFER!"



"Lordly Lord n' Deary Dear. Th' whole damn universe is liable ta feel this one tonight. Now, here to introduce th' championship fight location is th' Crawl Space Fight Club Commissioner hisself, George Berryman!"

"Hey there everyone. As some of you may already know I picked the Douglas Classic fight locations for each round and each match several days before the Douglas Classic actually began. I wanted a bit of a sense of an escalation, if you will, and for the last location to really pack a combative punch.

"So with that in mind our champions will be battling it out on the planet Klendathu from the Starship Troopers flick.



"It's an ugly planet. A bug planet.



"Back to you in the studio, boys."

"Well that certainly sets th' damn tone! An' if I may say a fine place ta end th' season at!"

"Does Shang Chi get a vote? Cause if so he votes to go back to Risa, the Star Trek Pleasure Planet, from Friendly Fire #15."

"Fer Shang Chi, George Berryman an' all of da Crawl Space Fight Club Crew, this is Ben Grimm sayin' "Everybody Wang Chung 2-NITE!"






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[BD]

This Marvel zombie is even con-seeding that Superman would win this one.

[CrazyChris]

Superman has a listed weakness of "psionics." Silver Surfer has a listed power of reading minds. That sounds like a psionic power to me, therefore it should be usable against Superman. If Superman thinks about Kryptonite, Silver Surfer might be able to create it with his matter manipulation powers. That is how Silver Surfer could win this.

I am open to counter arguments. My personal bias is that I want Kevin to win because he eliminated me. I'd rather lose to the champ than second place. However, objectively speaking my initial inclination is to vote for Silver Surfer.

[FSUSpiderFan]

That is one way that the surfer can win.

His cosmic blasts can do some major damage and hold Supes off while he formullates his ultimate strategy. I'll get to those final blows in a second, first Surfer has the strength to go toe to toe in a fist fight with Supoerman but is smart enough not to do that for long. He can block Superman's attacks with his board and also phase through his hits.

As for finishing moves he has several options. He can use his mind reading and cosmic senses to recognize Kal-El's weak points.
1. Chris identified one option, forming kryptonite.
2. The Surfer could also emit the radiation of the red sun and render Superman powerless
3. The Surfer can suck the solar radiation out of Superman's body again taking away his power

As far as the location, this is right up the Surfer's alley. He can take the bugs down if they get in his way.

[butters911]

I think SS has got this. Yay for Marvel

[Enigma_2099]

Oh for booting up cold... MATTER MANIPULATION. All Surfer has to do is turn something nearby into kryptonite. BOOM, fight over.

And of course, he would back off when he realized it was killing him.

[FSUSpiderFan]

I love that we got such high quality cheerleaders and an appearance by the great Inriquo Palazoe!

[George Berryman]

Question.

How does the Surfer create kryptonite energy... despite not ever coming across it himself to even know what the Hell it is?

We're also giving the Silver Surfer a bit too much credit here for suddenly being Charles Freaking Xavier.

Oh for booting up cold... MATTER MANIPULATION. All Surfer has to do is turn something nearby into kryptonite. BOOM, fight over.

And again I ask... What frame of reference does Surfer even have for knowing what kryptonite is despite never having come across it?

[George Berryman]

And another question.

Looking at Superman's weaknesses I find this:

Solar Energy: Superman abilities will eventually weaken without replenishing his energy reserves with normal (yellow) sun radiation. When exposed to the same red solar radiation as Krypton's red sun Rao, it causes Superman to lose his powers within a large amount of exposure until the exposure to yellow sunlight will reverse this effect.

So what reference, pray tell, does the Silver Surfer have of the red sun Rao of Krypton that he's never come across in his travels?

EDIT: More on Superman...

Healing Factor: In the extreme event that Superman is harmed, either by an alien matching his own strength or other occurrence, he has been shown to have the ability to heal almost instantaneously from any wound, assuming that the process is not impeded from some outside factor i.e. Kryptonite. This "healing factor" is supplemented by his stores of solar energy and also seems to be an unconscious ability, as Superman does not seem to have the ability to control when he heals and when he doesn't. Much like a human has no control over their immune system.

Again I point out that the Silver Surfer has no basis of knowing what the Hell kryptonite is, let alone replicating it. Kryptonite and the Surfer do not exist in the same universe.

[FSUSpiderFan]

And another question.

Looking at Superman's weaknesses I find this:

Solar Energy: Superman abilities will eventually weaken without replenishing his energy reserves with normal (yellow) sun radiation. When exposed to the same red solar radiation as Krypton's red sun Rao, it causes Superman to lose his powers within a large amount of exposure until the exposure to yellow sunlight will reverse this effect.

So what reference, pray tell, does the Silver Surfer have of the red sun Rao of Krypton that he's never come across in his travels?

He has come across many red supergiants in his travels so he can replicate the radiation they emit.

[George Berryman]

He has come across many red supergiants in his travels so he can replicate the radiation they emit.

... Name one, or even more specifically an instance where he's needed to sample red sun radiation similar to Krypton's Rao.

Anybody?

[George Berryman]

I'll go even further with Superman and point out something that, sadly, isn't on his Fight Card - and I blame myself for that.

Genius-Level Intellect: Superman has shown incredible intelligence and computational abilities; his mind works sharply and with extreme speed relative to earth-humans. His analytical powers are impressive — he is able to use his senses to read information directly from machines (and, with careful usage of his heat vision, he can even reprogram machines). Recently after he regained his powers in the "One Year Later" arc, his brain's intelligence has increased and it operates with much greater speed, procession, and analytical prowess, to the point he can recall things in such detail that he knows the ballistic of every shot by Bloodshot before, the vector and mass of each and every one of Riot's bodies[296], he can see into one of the most advanced Kryptonian Sun Stone Battle Ship and watch energy patterns shift and change, trace command signals at light speed down branching, maze-like pathways whilst, at the same time, finding one small knot of circuitry[297]

Also missing and, again, my fault? He's a Master Combatant.

Master Combatant: He has been trained by both Wildcat (in Boxing)[294], and Mongul in the fighting arts. Superman has fought and learned from Wonder Woman. He has also learned more advanced martial arts techniques from Batman. [295]

And this:

Indomitable Will: Superman has shown to have a powerful Force of Will, completely free of evil or temptation. Having been raised by a kindly Kansas farmer and his wife, Superman was taught to protect life and help others. He is very optimistic and never gives up, even when things look bad.

He's got the edge in fighting hand to hand as well as smarts & strategy and in spirit.

Superman for the win.

[AmFan15]

Although I don't think it's a fair argument to use for this, The Championship Round of Fight Club!
I do think it may be possible that the Silver Surfer knows about kryptonite.

In the Superman/Fantastic Four crossover, Galactus was thought to have destroyed Krypton. Later, it was revealed that, although he HAD planned to absorb it's energies, it had already blown up before he got there. Either way, it proves one thing:
Galactus knew about Krypton, and what became of it.

Since he knew about that, and actually visited the site of the destruction, and analyzed it's energies, then I think it is fair to say that his former herald, the Silver Surfer, would have at least heard of it.

That being said, I for one am not going to allow that possibility to influence my vote. For such an epic moment in Fight Club history, I think we need a knock-down drag-out BRAWL...and not just settle for such a cheap out.

[George Berryman]

In the Superman/Fantastic Four crossover, Galactus was thought to have destroyed Krypton. Later, it was revealed that, although he HAD planned to absorb it's energies, it had already blown up before he got there. Either way, it proves one thing:
Galactus knew about Krypton, and what became of it.

Since he knew about that, and actually visited the site of the destruction, and analyzed it's energies, then I think it is fair to say that his former herald, the Silver Surfer, would have at least heard of it.

"Heard of it" and being able to duplicate it exactly are two entirely different things. Aside from that those are two separate universes and the crossovers aren't cannon - Galactus in 616 has no frame of reference for Krypton either.

[butters911]

Ill go show the Surfer a picture of Kryptonite from one of my Superman comics before they fight. I got his back.