Friendly Fire Fight Club #27 - 'Machine vs. MONSTER!'

[George Berryman]

"It is I, Bruce Lee, the deadliest man to have ever walked the Earth with the possible exception of John Wayne. The Gong of Conflict has been pounded upon - it is time to FIGHT!"



"On Thursday, September 30th 2010 George Berryman challenged stillanerd, his Delta House co-founder. He accepted, and thus the Delta Civil War began!

"stillanerd chose, as his champion, the most famous vampire in the world. The Elvis of the Undead, Count Dracula himself - specifically the character as he originally appeared in Bram Stoker's novel. For purposes of the Fight Card George chose Gary Oldman's portrayal from the unfortunate Francis Ford Coppola movie Dracula."



"In response, George Berryman chose a being not of flesh and blood but of technology and knowledge - Lt. Commander Data from Star Trek: The Next Generation!"



"With the combatants chosen, George Berryman has informed me that he has selected the abandoned Waverly Hills Sanatorium in Louisville, Kentucky as tonight's fight venue."



"The Waverly Hills Sanatorium opened its doors in 1910 to provide a place of healing and, too often, a place of dying to tuberculosis patients. Once, it was a beautiful spot where its patients could find peace. Now it stands as a derelict and is reported to be one of the most haunted locations in the United States, drawing scores of ghost hunting groups to explore its secrets.

"The Prince of the Undead versus Android from the Future! Those are your choices! Who wins? Who loses? You decide. Vote NOW! Take us away, Elvis Presley!"

[George Berryman]

And here's why Data wins.

He's completely immune to Dracula's mental powers.

He is as physically strong, if not stronger, than Dracula.

He's far smarter and can think and adapt much faster than Dracula.

As someone familiar with Earth literature he already knows all about Dracula. Dracula, unfortunately, has absolutely no frame of reference for Dracula.

If an old man named Van Helsing and a couple of humans could beat Dracula, well... yeah. Writing is on the wall.

Trek Tech Trashes Terror Tonight!

[Peter Palmer]

Dracula was basically the medieval version of the Punisher before he became a vampire. He's a brilliant strategist and a skilled hand-to-hand combatant. I gotta give the edge to him...

[George Berryman]

Dracula was basically the medieval version of the Punisher before he became a vampire. He's a brilliant strategist and a skilled hand-to-hand combatant. I gotta give the edge to him...

This overlooks the fact that Data also has training in hand to hand combat and can move at ridiculous speed when prompted to. In 'The Offspring' episode a Starfleet robotics engineer stated that Data's hands were moving so fast that he could not see them.

And? Data's got a phaser.

[Spideydude]

Dracula was basically the medieval version of the Punisher before he became a vampire. He's a brilliant strategist and a skilled hand-to-hand combatant. I gotta give the edge to him...

This overlooks the fact that Data also has training in hand to hand combat and can move at ridiculous speed when prompted to. In 'The Offspring' episode a Starfleet robotics engineer stated that Data's hands were moving so fast that he could not see them.

And? Data's got a phaser.

Bitches.... Its all Data. For the Win.

[Peter Palmer]

Dracula was basically the medieval version of the Punisher before he became a vampire. He's a brilliant strategist and a skilled hand-to-hand combatant. I gotta give the edge to him...

This overlooks the fact that Data also has training in hand to hand combat and can move at ridiculous speed when prompted to. In 'The Offspring' episode a Starfleet robotics engineer stated that Data's hands were moving so fast that he could not see them.

And? Data's got a phaser.

Data's hand-to-hand knowledge is programmed in, Dracula earned his with centuries of hard won experience. big difference between information and experience.

Oh yeah, Dracula can turn into mist. Even if Data can move at terrific speed, he's gonna have a hard time hitting or grabbing that... And how's Data gonna vaporize someone who's already vapor?

[George Berryman]

Data's hand-to-hand knowledge is programmed in, Dracula earned his with centuries of hard won experience. big difference between information and experience.

Programmed or not, the end result is the same - an android kicking someone's ass.

Oh yeah, Dracula can turn into mist. Even if Data can move at terrific speed, he's gonna have a hard time hitting or grabbing that... And how's Data gonna vaporize someone who's already vapor?

What - you mean like by super-heating it with his phaser? *ahem* Besides, if Dracula's in mist form the whole fight what's he going to do to Data, exactly? Blow over him like a gentle breeze?

[stillanerd]

And here's why Dracula wins.

Data may be immune to his mental powers, but Dracula also controls the WEATHER, which includes thunderstorms. Dare to ask what happens when an android gets struck by lightning? Not to mention he can summon allies such as bats, rats, and other nocturnal creatures to distract Data, who as we all know, has a soft spot for animals.

Also, Dracula can turn himself into mist, fog, or vapor, so too bad for Data's...ahem..."superior strength" if can't land a blow on the old count.

And Data may have a wealth of knowledge in his data banks, Dracula has lived for hundreds of years and has required practical experience, which beat programmed routines every time.

Sure, he can't turn Data into a vampire, but that wouldn't stop him from turning people into vampires to sic on Data...including Data's fellow crew members from the Starship Enterprise! The Borg got nothin' on Dracula, boys and girls. Yeah, I know, it's dirty pool for the count to get allies like this, but hey! He's a warrior, who knows that the best way to fight is to fight dirty.

And if that weren't enough, Dracula ALWAYS gets the ladies. Heck, he's got a trio of women who are always at his beck and call.

However, to be fair, there is one thing Data has that Dracula doesn't...an off switch! *Click* Fight's over!

[Peter Palmer]

Well he wouldn't stay in mist form the whole time , he wouldn't have to. Data's made of plastic and metal and such things can't really hurt a vampire. Would he knock Drac around a bit? Maybe. Would he cause any serious damage? I doubt it.

And here's why Dracula wins.

Data may be immune to his mental powers, but Dracula also controls the WEATHER, which includes thunderstorms. Dare to ask What happens when an android gets struck by lightning? Not to mention he can summon allies such as bats, rats, and other nocturnal creatures to distract Data, who as we all know, has a soft spot for animals.

This also.

[Peter Palmer]

I am telling you, the guy is unstoppable.

[George Berryman]

Data may be immune to his mental powers, but Dracula also controls the WEATHER, which includes thunderstorms. Dare to ask What happens when an android gets struck by lightning? Not to mention he can summon allies such as bats, rats, and other nocturnal creatures to distract Data, who as we all know, has a soft spot for animals.

Dracula can manipulate weather - not control it. While he brought a storm over the Demeter while crossing the ocean he didn't hit anyone with lightning with it. Plus - they're inside a large abandoned building. Ororo I could see hitting Data with lightning. Thor? Sure. Zeus? Granted. But not Dracula.

Data does have a soft spot for animals. But rat bites and bats fluttering isn't likely to distract someone who doesn't feel pain and whose brain can operate at 60 trillion operations per second.

Also, Dracula can turn himself into mist, fog, or vapor, so too bad for Data's...ahem..."superior strength" if can't land a blow on the old count.

And Dracula can do what, exactly, to Data when in mist form? Run the Hell away? Heh.

And Data may have a wealth of knowledge in his data banks, Dracula has lived for hundreds of years and has required practical experience, which beat programmed routines every time.

Yes but as a fictional character from a book which exists in Data's past Data already knows how to defeat Dracula. Dracula, on the other hand, won't know what the Hell he's even up against until the phaser is atomizing his head off his undead neck.

Sure, he can't turn Data into a vampire, but that wouldn't stop him from turning people into vampires to sic on Data...including Data's fellow crew members from the Starship Enterprise! The Borg got nothin' on Dracula, boys and girls. Yeah, I know, it's dirty pool for the count to get allies like this, but hey! He's a warrior, who knows that the best way to fight is to fight dirty.

And if that weren't enough, Dracula ALWAYS gets the ladies. Heck, he's got a trio of women who are always at his beck and call.

Except that this is Fight Club, and they're not fighting in a shopping mall on a Saturday afternoon. It's the two of them in an abandoned hospital. Mwahaha. And Dracula's brides didn't make the trip to England with him. Nor do they get to journey into Fight Club at his side. It's strictly one-on-one.

However, to be fair, there is one thing Data has that Dracula doesn't...an off switch! Click! Fight's over!

Dracula knows about his off switch... how, exactly? Hmm?

I am telling you, the guy is unstoppable.

That guy, maybe. But that guy's not involved in this fight right now. Heh.

And that guy's also not facing a Type II Phaser or an advanced futuristic android, either.

[stillanerd]

Data may be immune to his mental powers, but Dracula also controls the WEATHER, which includes thunderstorms. Dare to ask What happens when an android gets struck by lightning? Not to mention he can summon allies such as bats, rats, and other nocturnal creatures to distract Data, who as we all know, has a soft spot for animals.

Dracula can manipulate weather - not control it. While he brought a storm over the Demeter while crossing the ocean he didn't hit anyone with lightning with it. Plus - they're inside a large abandoned building. Ororo I could see hitting Data with lightning. Thor? Sure. Zeus? Granted. But not Dracula.

Okay, fair point. But remember, since they are fighting in old abandoned and condemned hospital, wouldn't it be subject to storm damage if say Dracula summoned a fierce storm like he did to the Demeter?

Data does have a soft spot for animals. But rat bites and bats fluttering isn't likely to distract someone who doesn't feel pain and whose brain can operate at 60 trillion operations per second.

Oh, I never said anything about the animals hurting Data. I said distract him for...well, you'll see. And Data doesn't like harming animals, either

Also, Dracula can turn himself into mist, fog, or vapor, so too bad for Data's...ahem..."superior strength" if can't land a blow on the old count.

And Dracula can do what, exactly, to Data when in mist form? Run the Hell away? Heh.

Oh, I don't know? How about go inside Data--who does still have a mouth and nostrils, i.e. openings--and then imagine Dracula changing back into his human form while inside?

And Data may have a wealth of knowledge in his data banks, Dracula has lived for hundreds of years and has required practical experience, which beat programmed routines every time.

Yes but as a fictional character from a book which exists in Data's past Data already knows how to defeat Dracula. Dracula, on the other hand, won't know what the Hell he's even up against until the phaser is atomizing his head off his undead neck.

Sure, he can't turn Data into a vampire, but that wouldn't stop him from turning people into vampires to sic on Data...including Data's fellow crew members from the Starship Enterprise! The Borg got nothin' on Dracula, boys and girls. Yeah, I know, it's dirty pool for the count to get allies like this, but hey! He's a warrior, who knows that the best way to fight is to fight dirty.

And if that weren't enough, Dracula ALWAYS gets the ladies. Heck, he's got a trio of women who are always at his beck and call.

Except that this is Fight Club, and they're not fighting in a shopping mall on a Saturday afternoon. It's the two of them in an abandoned hospital. Mwahaha. And Dracula's brides didn't make the trip to England with him. Nor do they get to journey into Fight Club at his side. It's strictly one-on-one.

Oh, well if we're going by the strict rules of Fight Club then, George, then need I remind you of rule number six--the fights are bare knuckle. No shirt, no shoes, no weapons. Besides, I thought Data was stronger than Dracula, so what does he need a phaser for?

However, to be fair, there is one thing Data has that Dracula doesn't...an off switch! Click! Fight's over!

Dracula knows about his off switch... how, exactly? Hmm?

Simple, while Data is wailing away at Dracula in his mist form and distracted by the summoned bats and rats, Dracula will have enough time to to explore every inch of Data's body and then "A ha! The mechanical man's weak spot!"

[Spider-Dad]

As a fan of the original Bram Stoker Dracula and also of Star Trek TNG, I must submit my vote for Commander Data. Dracula is an opposing figure, but Data has too much going for him that Dracula cannot overcome.

I agree with all of George's counterpoints, but there is another item in Data's favor. He does not fatigue. Dracula does. Data knowing this can simply use his superior intellect to prolong the battle until daylight. Despite public perception, vampires are not killed instantly by daylight, but weakened by it. This is how Van Helsing and company wore down Dracula and Data could easily do that as well. So Data could play a little "rope a dope" and when Dracula is weakened by constantly trying all his tricks that are for the most part ineffective, Data wipes him up easily after Dracula is worn down at dawn.

As for the off switch on Data. True an achilles heal, but Stillanerd, who knows about outside of ranking officers on the Enterprise, Lore and Noonien Soong? Clearly not Dracula. Plus the probability of him finding it accidentally? Well, that could happen if you wrote the story...

Data is smarter, stronger, has a phaser, (if allowed?) does not tire and he cannot be mentally manipulated. His only weakness is unknown to Dracula... Data with or without the emotion chip wins...

[brianv326]

Dracula can control animals

[Berserkfury819]

Data doesn't burst into flames in the daylight.