Friendly Fire Fight Club #198 - 'MOW the LAWN!'

[CrazyChris]

This isn't meant to be a "must do combat with the indigenous plantlife" battle. It's meant to see who can create and maintain the better lawn, starting from a point of absolute nothing.

So does the potentially hazardous nature of these lawns not come into play here at all? I mean, I think these lawns are at least going to be full of bats and spiders, possibly snakes and other creepy things, too. If that's not being taken into account then that's an enormous point in Hank's favor. The more the hazards of the horror-themed environment come into play, the more our monster-tending asylum inmate is going to have an edge.

EDIT: So we are taking into account the wolfsbane, swamp plants, etc?

The point about starting with absolutely nothing is interesting. Does that mean neither has any equipment? Is there a factor of who could best improvise tools here?

Is there a time limit? Like, are we saying that once some amount of time has passed they both stop and the best lawn at that point wins? Or are they both tending to their lawn daily and we're judging who has the best lawn in the long term? I think the answer to this question decides my vote.

[George Berryman]

Oy.

1.) Plants count - there's no monsters. No snakes, bats, zombies, werewolves, etc. etc. etc.

2.) Yes, take the plants into consideration. Mostly because I don't believe that when confronted with an unknown plant that Hank Hill would start rubbing himself with them and/or eating them.

3.) They're starting with the same common ground. Crappy yards, no grass. I should have mentioned that they both start off with basic lawn tools (hoses, mulchers, spades, edgers, trimmers, mowers) but since I said in the first post that they'd have to mow, edge and trim the yard I figured it would be obvious that they weren't doing it with their teeth.

The time of the fight is as thrown out in the first post:

Both houses have dreadful lawns and our combatants will have to grow a lawn and properly maintain it via mowing, trimming and edging. The best lawn wins!

Obviously this lasts longer than the two days of voting so we'll say they're each in a pocket universe where we can watch their progress over weeks through the miracle of fast motion photography.

[CrazyChris]

Oy.

Hey, man, I think these are legit questions. The fight is taking place around monster-occupied houses so the fact that the potential hazards aren't coming into play is not something anyone could take for granted. Frankly, when I saw the fight locations I assumed you were throwing Ivy a bone. It's good that this stuff is getting cleared up.

1.) Plants count - there's no monsters. No snakes, bats, zombies, werewolves, etc. etc. etc.

Okay. I think Ivy is not going to be hindered by plants and it sounds like Hank has less to deal with in his lawn.

2.) Yes, take the plants into consideration. Mostly because I don't believe that when confronted with an unknown plant that Hank Hill would start rubbing himself with them and/or eating them.

The plants may come into contact with cuts and scrapes, though. This is rugged terrain, so he's bound to get some. I think this is a very minor point against Hank, considering that he's wearing blue jeans and he'll know which plants are out of place. I don't think this changes the outcome.

3.) They're starting with the same common ground. Crappy yards, no grass. I should have mentioned that they both start off with basic lawn tools (hoses, mulchers, spades, edgers, trimmers, mowers) but since I said in the first post that they'd have to mow, edge and trim the yard I figured it would be obvious that they weren't doing it with their teeth.

It was obvious but then you said they had absolutely nothing, which made me think twice. I just got a weird mental image of Poison Ivy bending over and biting at the grass, though.

The time of the fight is as thrown out in the first post:

Both houses have dreadful lawns and our combatants will have to grow a lawn and properly maintain it via mowing, trimming and edging. The best lawn wins!


Obviously this lasts longer than the two days of voting so we'll say they're each in a pocket universe where we can watch their progress over weeks through the miracle of fast motion photography.

You're saying it as if you've already spelled it out, but in fact there's nothing in that quote to make "obvious" the inference that this fight is taking place over weeks as opposed to days or months or years. Grass can grow a couple inches in under a week depending on the species and conditions, so there is no real reason to assume any amount of time other than that the time period is longer than a day or two. So, again, I think these are all legitimate questions and fair to ask given the highly unconventional nature of this fight.

Anyhow, now that my questions are answered I am changing my vote to Hank. He makes plants look attractive and well-groomed. Poison Ivy makes her plants look like tangled death-traps because that's what they are. Anything that prevents this from being a straightforward competition of lawn mowing skill is going to give Ivy an edge. However, the dangers of the environments are not coming fully into play. Furthermore, the extended time frame of multiple weeks means that Hank has more time to adapt to the weird environment and catch up to Ivy's innate comfort level. These factors make this fight more straightforward, so Hank has the edge. Seriously, when has Ivy EVER tried to make plants conform to human standards of attractiveness? She helps her plants grow to be as robust as possible, which is not the same thing as trimming neat squares.

Everyone who was initially confused about this fight and voted for Ivy because of that, I encourage you to join me in changing your vote to Hank Hill.

[AmFan15]

The wants, needs and/or tastes of the Addams Family or the Munsters do not come into play here at all. They are both starting from scratch and this is what both combatants are aiming for:

Thank you for the clarification, George, because I too was confused as to what exactly the goal was here. Beautiful, green, flowing lawns don't exactly come to mind when discussing the Addams' and Munster's.

In this case, I have to give it to Hank. Ivy is a botanist, and so knows a LOT about plantlife...even more so than Hank. But whereas she would know what kinds of unusual plants are present, and what they might need to grow, Hank would just jump in and start yanking the ones that don't belong on any normal, respectable lawn.

Boy, I tell you whut...Man-eating or not, NO weed has a place on any lawn under Hank Hill's watch!

[Thrawn]

Sorry FSU. I ended up voting for Hank. If it's any consolation, I probably would have counter-picked with Ivy as well.

Boy, I tell you whut...Man-eating or not, NO weed has a place on any lawn under Hank Hill's watch!

Ivy is my favorite female villain,

Mine too.

She's neither really good nor evil, but does what's best for her plants,

Ivy is evil . She won't hesitate to kill or murder someone. That is immoral and evil. Regardless of her reasons or justification. She's just not as actively malevolent or evil as someone like the Joker. Ras Al Ghul has similar eco friendly motivations and he's definitely evil as well.

I'm still an Ivy fanboy though.

[herbiepopnecker]

Hank will get great advice from John Redcorn, methinks.
Gribble, as usual, will be absolutely no help

Gotta go with the King.

[CrazyChris]

Oh come on, people. Knowing how to engineer chloroplasts does not help you trim a lawn. How does Ivy have this many votes, still?

[tnr105]

Ivy is evil . She won't hesitate to kill or murder someone. That is immoral and evil. Regardless of her reasons or justification. She's just not as actively malevolent or evil as someone like the Joker. Ras Al Ghul has similar eco friendly motivations and he's definitely evil as well.

I'm still an Ivy fanboy though.

I getcha. I recommend you check out the Pendant Productions audio dramas, their version of Ivy has tried to reform but she just cannot help herself because she feels she is in the right and justified in her reasoning. It was a bit jarring at first because they made her seem like a hero, but recently you discover she's been playing them all just to help Harley. Oddly enough she also finds a kindred spirit in Jason Todd because they both our staunch in their beliefs. It's sort of the Magneto syndrome, where you'd side with her if she wasn't going about it all wrong.

I personally loved Ivy in No Man's Land where she took up in Gotham Park and minded her own business and just wanted to be alone with her plants, even taking in and protecting orphans because they had nothing to do with the plants. Gotham City Sirens recently emphasized that while she may have good intentions, she is a bad person.

Also, I'm going to change my vote now, and be that guy who's risking a kidney. Despite my fandom of Ivy, it seems Hank is more adept specializing in lawn care.

[Thrawn]

I personally loved Ivy in No Man's Land where she took up in Gotham Park and minded her own business and just wanted to be alone with her plants, even taking in and protecting orphans because they had nothing to do with the plants. Gotham City Sirens recently emphasized that while she may have good intentions, she is a bad person.

Yeah, I loved Ivy in NML, and I have been reading Gotham City Sirens since the first issue. I've enjoyed it quite a bit. I thought Ivy was easily the well written of the three.

I getcha. I recommend you check out the Pendant Productions audio dramas, their version of Ivy has tried to reform but she just cannot help herself because she feels she is in the right and justified in her reasoning.

She's definitely more like an anti-hero these days. She may have admirable goals, but she's is capable of and has done some very heinous deeds in the process. I like her like that, and not as an out and out villain. Batman has enough of those.

How does Ivy have this many votes, still?

She's still Poison Ivy and plants are her thing. In the animated series we've seen her maintain a garden and flower beds in House and Garden. We've also seen her maintain a green house. She's more than capable of maintaining and winning this match in my mind, I just happen to think Hank's overall personality allows him to work with the Munsters and get the job done more effectively in this match based on the scenario George laid out.

[tnr105]

She's definitely more like an anti-hero these days. She may have admirable goals, but she's is capable of and has done some very heinous deeds in the process. I like her like that, and not as an out and out villain. Batman has enough of those.

So, how do you feel about her joining the Birds of Prey?

[Thrawn]

So, how do you feel about her joining the Birds of Prey?

I have no idea. I plan to check out the series and see how I like it. I'll give it a few issues.

[butters911]

Thank you thank you Thrawn and Mr Berryman for setting the record straight. I spend the night trying to make arguments and none are getting through and Im losing 3 to 9 or something crazy.

I wake up go to a doctors appointment, come back and its tied up.

I love you guys.



Now I gotta come up with an argument to clinch a win out of this

[butters911]

By the way 18 votes is the most I think Ive gotten in any fight ever!

Come one people. Hank is the better landscaper. If this was a flower growing contest Id give it to Ivy. In a neat pristine lawn match Hank is prolly the best fictional character for the job!

[Thrawn]

Thank you thank you Thrawn and Mr Berryman for setting the record straight.

Just calling it like I see it. The next fight I could very well be arguing against you. And in any case I think this one is real close. I almost went with Poison Ivy. I really hate voting against her.

I wake up go to a doctors appointment, come back and its tied up.

About two hours ago you were up two votes. Somebody flipped.

[butters911]

Thank you thank you Thrawn and Mr Berryman for setting the record straight.

Just calling it like I see it. The next fight I could very well be arguing against you. And in any case I think this one is real close. I almost went with Poison Ivy. I really hate voting against her.

I wake up go to a doctors appointment, come back and its tied up.

About two hours ago you were up two votes. Somebody flipped.

Damn them! Its like they dont know that I send everyone a check who votes for me