
"Greetingsss, hairlesss apesss! It isss I, Lord Ssstegron, live in the booth for tonight'sss big game! Round One of the Douglasss Classsic hasss officially kicked off, and it'sss my pleasssure to bring you, my loyal, adoring sssubjectsss, the bessst in bloodsssport entertainmentsss! With me in the Crawl Ssspace Fight Club booth tonight isss Mohandasss K. Gandhi - or asss we call him around the office, 'the Mahatma Mauler.' Looking forward to tonight'sss carnage, Mo?"
"I am totally wetting upon myself right now from being so glad to be here! I love the Crawl Space fights and I cannot get enough of them! I love it when the big things hit each other, and then they hit the little things, but then sometimes the little things hit back harder... you never know sometimes what you're going to see! One minute you think it will be over quick and that you and your lovely wife will be covered in the blood of the fallen from your front row seat. But then the next minute the fight's still going on and it goes on for... you know, a really long time... and you've got enough teeth to make a necklace! Oh my GOD, I am loving all of the hot violence!"
"You and me both, Mohandasss. You and me both. But now, let'sss take a look at tonight'sss combatantsss and reflect on their ssseasssonsss. Firssst up, with the bessst overall record in Ssseason One, George Berryman rode a colosssal eight game win ssstreak during mid-ssseassson to put him firmly on the top. That ssstreak finally came to an end on November 4th, when FSSSUSSSpiderFan defeated Berryman in a non-combat match between the Dread Pirate Robertsss and Jack Sssparrow."
"I was totally hating on that fight because no one was beating the living piss out of one another! I swear to God I am going to start demanding my money back on the 'fights without fighting.' Whose idea was that anyway?"
"Venomaniac'sss. The rule isss called the Venomaniac Corollary."
"Good - then the Mahatma knows whose ass to beat later! Anyway, let us be looking at George's opponent tonight. Thrawn has the fifth overall record in Season One and he has faced George already before this year, more than once. The first time George defeated him by having the vampire demon killer Angel take out the Boogeyman. Thrawn demanded satisfaction, however, and challenged George to a rematch. George handily defeated Thrawn yet again, this time with Bugs Bunny."
"Ignominiousss defeat..."
"Oh my God, you are telling me, right? George defeated Thrawn a third time earlier this month when George picked Snake-Eyes against Thrawn's John Rambo. So there is already being a lot of awesome bad blood between these two!"
"Lord Ssstegron thrivesss on the animosssity of competition. However, Thrawn can be wily prey and usssually hasss a trick or two up hisss sssleevesss. But let'sss turn to tonight'sss match. George, with the better record, hasss home field advantage and isss consssidered the challenger tonight, leaving Thrawn to pick firssst. Thrawn hasss ssselected the Sssymbiote Ssspider-Man asss hisss champion tonight.

When Ssspider-Man wasss pulled acrosss the universsse along with many of Earth'sss heroesss and villainsss he eventually found himssself bonded to an alien parasssite that gave him a new cossstume and a little bit of extra physssical ssstrength, along with itsss own web fluid."
"Do not even be getting me started on how gross that is! In response, George has selected a JLA'er, a JSA'er and one of the Birds of Prey. She is one of the best martial artists in the DC Universe but more importantly she has a devastating sonic attack, which she calls a 'Canary Cry,' that totally wipes things out and shakes buildings apart! And she wears fishnet stockings a lot so she totally looks hawt while she's doing it!"

"Where will they be fighting tonight, Mahatma?"
"Oh you are going to be loving this, Steggy! Black Canary and the Symbiote Spidey will be fighting in the Jurassic Park theme park on Isla Nublar, Costa Rica!

"The center of Michael Crichton's Jurassic Park story, Jurassic Park is home to dozens and dozens of genetically engineered dinosaurs that run amok and start killing people left and right. Specifically, George is going with the Jurassic Park that was presented in the 1993 film version. I am totally freaking right the hell out right now!"
"Oh I hear you. Thisss isss one happy Dinosssaur Man right now, let me tell you. I am half tempted to sssneak out there myssself, control my dinosssaur brethren and kill both of thossse apesss!"
"Whatever works! So long as I get to see some hyper-violence tonight! Mahatma paid for blood--!!"
"For George Berryman, Mohandasss K. Gandhi and everyone elssse at the Crawl Ssspace Fight Club crew, thisss isss Lord Ssstegron saying "RAAAAAWR, foolsss!"

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