Crawl Space Avengers Vs the Sinister Six

THE SINISTER SIX VS. THE CRAWL SPACE AVENGERS

Greetings Crawl Space Avengers. I was inspired by a message Black left on my JLA vs.The Avengers poll. He wrote about how the The CSA would beat the crap out of the Justice League. It was very funny so here's a new one. This team the Crawl Space Avengers vs. The Sinister Six who would win? Ok Dave the Rave,Spider-Women,Black and everyone else are you up to the challenge? Can you beet Doc Ock,The Vulture,Mysterio,Electro,Sandman & Hobgoblin? The choice is yours

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A dull, unassuming night has fallen upon the vast estate of the Crawlspace Avengers. Jimmy, the dutiful butler of the CSA, hands out drinks and hors d'ourvs, while Amazing 2099 uses his clairvoyance to reveal future Sopranos storylines. An explosion and a blast of rubble rock our heros as the Sinister Six make an unwelcome entrance. Immediately the Avengers spring to action. Dave the Rave leads the fray as he grabs the Horn of enlightenment, an enchanted cylindrical device filled with a liquid filtering agent given to him by the leader of the Inhumans that when loaded with a rare herb from Asgard, can be used to emit a dense cloud that nullifies the irrational thoughts and base emotions of anyone in its range. The Sin-Six are left choking on their own reason as.....
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Jimbo is returning from his late night rondevoue with Teri Hatcher (He has better things to do than talk about the Sopranos) when he spots a pillar of smoke coming from the CSA Mansion. "Damn, Dave's at it again." Jimbo closes his eyes and consintrates, and before the other stunned bystanders grows to a two story hieght and makes the short distance to the mansion in quick time. At his he spots the Sinister Six making an assault on the mansion. Deciding to get the others attention he decides to take a lesson from the great Bruce Campbell, "Hey you Sinister Screwheads, this is my ummmmm unusally large beltbuckle." Soon he relizes that Vulture at Sandman have broken off from the rest of the group and were heading his way. Taking a lesson from the great Scott Bakula, "Oh Boy."
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"It's always nice to have you around." Black says to his extremely hot date.

"Then why don't you show me how nice it is?" she says.

"Why not." As Black leans in, the Crawl Space beeper goes off.

"Damn it." Black says, "I have to go. You know, work."

Black quickly hails a cab for his date, pays the fare and kisses her good night as he tells her he'll call very soon.

Then as quick as lightning, Black jumps into his Camero and races toward the mansion. On the way there, he calls in via special frequency cell phone.

"What's up?"

"It's the Sinister Six sir," Jimmy replys, "they have attacked the mansion. DTR has already engaged most of them while Jimbo is just outside fighting Vulture and Sandman."

"I'll be there in less than two minutes Jim. In the meantime, crank security level to ten and put some Cabo Wabo in the frig."

"Consider it done sir."

As he rounds the corner, he sees a two story Jimbo in a standoff with Sandman and Vulture. But Sandman has his back toward so Black, so Black lays on the gas and blows the horn and....

BOOM!

Runs straight through Sandy. The brakes schreech and the door opens and Black steps out. "OK, I'm ticked, I was just about to get it on with a really hot girl and you #$@! had to decide to attack the mansion!"

Just then, he feels what seems like a snake wrapping around him and then his feet leave the ground.

"You didn't think Doctor Octopus would ever forget how you embrassed me in front of all those people those many years ago, did you?"

Black grunts, "What uh are you uh talking about?"

"You know! Don't pretend you don't know!"

"Hey Doc, uh I really don't know." At this instant, Black knows he has to escape or he will be crushed. Then he remembers something in his pants (no, not that.)

"The chicken or the egg debate!"

"We were in 9th grade!" Right then Black manages to shoot a taser into one of Doc's mechanical arms.

"AGRRRHHHH!" Doc screams and throws Black into the fountain.

"Man, do you know this suit is dry clean only!? It's ruined!"

"I don't care about your precious suit, I want it now!"

Black looks bewildered. "Uhh, sorry Doc, but you're not really my type, and I'm not into that."

"No, not that, I want the formula Black."

"To what?"

Doc looks at Black and says, "The formula to the perfect cyber margarita."

Black thinks, what does the Sinister Six want with Slip's margarita formula? Hope more back up arrives soon, cause DTR, Jimbo and I have our hands full. And Jimmy is just a butler, he doesn't stand a chance against these guys. Just then he sees Electro trying to break through the mansion's side.

"Never, Slippy spent years working on that. I'll never give it to a psychopath like you."

"I will take it one way or the other Black. So enough of this talk, let's end this now. Just you and me."

Black smirks and takes a cue from Al Bundy.

"Let's rock."

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Will the other Crawls Space Avengers arrive in time to help Dave the Rave, Jimbo and Black?

What does the Sinister Six want with Slippy's margarita formula?

Will Doctor Octopus ever get over being bested by Black during the 9th grade "Chicken or the Egg" debate?

All these answers and more in the next exciting round!

*******************To Be Continued********************************
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While out for an evening web sling Spider-K.(Another clone of the real Spider-Man but that is another story)notices the CSA Mansion under attack by the Sinister Six. Well looks like I'd better help out. Meanwhile Dave the Rave,Jimbo & Black have their hands full fighting off this super powered team of villians. Doc Ock: theirs ours now destroy everything.SPIDER-K: Not so fast Ock,DOC OCK: What the Hell another Spider-Man wannabe, I thought the Clone saga was over? DAVE THE RAVE: Glad you could lend a hand Spider-K. now lets kick some a**.
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Darkfyre was out on the town in Spain, mingling with the Spaniards on vacation. He had recently received a beating from Citizen V and the V-Battalion on a secret Crawl Space Avengers mission to apprehend John Byrne. He decided to take a vacation from the Crawl Space Avengers to heal himself and make his plans. Obviously, the mission was met with no success. Darkfyre may not be a complete hero, but he has earned enough trust from his fellow Crawl Space Avengers. Battling the likes of foes such as John Byrne were not in those plans.

Darkfyre was admiring the historic sights of Madrid when his CSA communicator began to beep annoyingly. He took out his communicator and opened it, revealing a holographic image of a frightened Jimmy.

"Darkfyre, we're in need of you, now! The Sinister Six, they've attacked the mansion," Jimmy said frantically.

"Really, have they now?" Darkfyre responded. "What about the other Avengers? I'm sure they've vanquished them by now."

"No, they haven't, sir. Doctor Octopus has Black locked in his tenticles, going on about some school revenge! Dave The Rave has attempted to use the Horn of Enlightenment, but it didn't work. Jimbo, the Redneck Goliath, is fighting off the Sandman and Vulture. Electro is disrupting communications, as you can see by the sketchy link..."

"Electro..." Darkfyre said to himself. Darkfyre had a score to settle with Electro. No one wins a fight by a wedgie of electricity. Darkfyre sighed. "I'll be there as soon as I can."

With a burst of dark energy, Darkfyre was in costume and flying through the skies back to the US of A to help his fellow Avengers. Suddenly, all seemed to twist and spin. Reality seemed non-existant.

"Don't fight it, Darkfyre, you won't make it to save your teammates!"

Darkfyre recognized the echoing voice. "I know it's you, Mysterio! So much for blowing your brains out at Daredevil's side, huh?"

"Tell it to Tom DeFalco and Kevin Smith," said the deep, echoing voice.

"What do you want from us?!" Darkfyre said in a fit of rage. The strange illusions by Mysterio prevented him from focusing on his powers. Mysterio must have been ready for this.

"What do we want?" said another voice.

Darkfyre's eyes widened in fear and anger.

"No..." Darkfyre said in disbelief.

"Yes, I'm afraid so, Darkfyre. I'm leading this operation, and we will have what we want, no matter what the cost. We WILL get your team's precious cyber margarita formula!"

"NO!" protested Darkfyre. "You'll never get it, Jemas!"

"I influenced Sandman's return to villainy. By God, I'll get your damn formula. Think of it, Darkfyre, the riches that could be won through such a formula. I wouldn't have to launch my Bad Girls for Fanboys titles! Perhaps, if you returned to villainy..."

He knew. Jemas knew of Darkfyre's checkered past. The point was moot, Darkfyre had to save his teammates in the only way he could. He had been redeemed from his past, there was only so much he could do.
Focusing his dark energies inward, Darkfyre dispelled Mysterio's illusions with an explosion of dark light. Traces of the dark matter were sent to the rest of the Crawl Space Avengers with an alert message, in hopes they would respond and stop the Sinister Six from destroying the CSA Mansion. After all, he doesn't want his Mary Jane Watson-Parker and Felicia Hardy pin-ups to be incinerated. Darkfyre fell unconscious upon a building beneath him; his energies drained.

Mysterio picked up Darkfyre's body. "I'll join the rest at the mansion and use my illusions to turn Darkfyre against his teammates. He'll eventually regain consciousness."

Bill Jemas nodded in approval. "Do that. We need that formula! With the cyber margarita formula, we'll MAKE them like John Byrne! Hahahahaha..." Jemas continues his evil laughter.

"Will you stop now?" Mysterio said. "No need for maniacal laughter. Save it for when everyone's drunk on the margaritas!"

"Indeed... In their eternal drunken state, the comic buyers won't help but enjoy John Byrne and Chris Claremont and the art of Rob Liefeld!"

Mysterio disappears in a puff of smoke, reappearing a short time later at the CSA Mansion.

"THE CHICKEN CAME BEFORE THE EGG, YOU INSOLENT FOOL!!!!!" screamed an enraged Doc Ock, who had entangled Black in his tentacles.

"D... Dreamm... onn..." replied Black, gasping for air from the crushing tentacles.

Jimbo was suddenly bombarded with a wave of sand, knocking him straight into Doctor Octopus.

"Uh, sorry Doc!" said Sandman.

Black breaks free from the tentacles and helps Jimbo up. Suddenly, everything around them whirls as they are attacked by ferocious rabid bunnies.

"GAH! The bunnies!!" yelled Jimbo.

"Where the hell did these come from?!" questioned Black. "Oh, crap, they're foaming, and they're comin' right for us!"

Suddenly, the smoke cleared, and the rabid bunnies faded away before they could attack. Beyond the clearing illusions, the two saw Mysterio and an over-electrified Darkfyre.

"Uh... Fyre?" said Jimbo. Darkfyre's right arm suddenly crackled with dark electicity. Mysterio smiled under his fishbowl, knowing his illusion of making the Avengers seem like the enemy to Darkfyre was working.

"This can't be good..." Dave the Rave whispered to himself behind battered Mansion walls, trying to avoid being seen. "I wonder... could he be pissed that his Black Cat pictures were destroyed? Or is he under control somehow?"

Doctor Octopus, Electro, Vulture, and Sandman stood beside Mysterio. Electro smiled. "So, which one of youz wants to die first?"

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What will happen to the Crawl Space Avengers now?
What is Dave the Rave planning?
Why is Amazing 2099 still attempting to get glimpses of Spidey's and the Sopranos' futures when the mansion is under seige?
Will Darkfyre's butt be kicked by the CSA? Will he be freed from Mysterio's influence? What of his Marvel Women magazines?

All this, and more, as CSA vs. the Sinister Six continues on!
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The situation looked bleak for the CSAs. The team was surrounded, the mansion was wrecked, and it looked as if Darkfyre had turned against the CSAs.

"WAIT!" Black yelled.

"Why should we?" Jemas asked.

"Cause....I'll give you the formula."

"WHAT?!" said the other CSAs.

"Why should we trust him?" Sandman asked.

"Cause if you kill me, then you will never get the formula. Cause I'm the only one with the code."

The Sinister Six looked at each other, "Sandman, Vulture, Electro watch the Avengers. Doctor Octopus, take ahold of Black."

"No need." Black said. "DAVE," Black yelled, "GO TO SECTION ( AND OPEN THE SAFE BY PUNCHING IN 9357."

At that instant, Dave, Jimbo, Amazing, and Spider-K knew that Black had a plan.

Dave ran into Section 9 and opened the "safe," and reached in for the formula.

Dave eases around the cornor to see the Sinister Six, Darkfyre and the CSAs.

"OK, here it is, now back away or I destroy it." Dave said.

"You are in no position to make demands." Doc Ock said.

His tenticle reached out and grapped the formula.

"How do we know it's the real thing?" Vulture asked.

"Simple," Jimbo said, "Give some to Darkfyre."

"Yeah, seeing as how he's on your side now, he'll tell you if it real or not." Amazing said.

"Darkfyre, taste the formula." Jemas said.

Everyone watched as Darkfyre tasted the formula. Darkfyre turned around to face the Sinister Six, and then it happened.

KABOOM!

Darkfyre let loose a massive energy blast that knocked down all the Sinister Six.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU FOOL!" Jemas demanded.

"Moron," Jimbo said, section 9 is the kitchen."

"And I figured that the safe had to be the frig." Dave added.

"I was counting on that Dave. For you see, right after you all attacked, I had Jimmy place a bottle of Cabo Wabo in the frig and when I had been keeping an eye on Darkfyre. I knew all along that you guys had been playing with his mind."

"And the minute I tasted the greatest tequlia in the universe, I was instantly released from your control." Darkfyre said.

"We will still get the formula!" Jemas yelled.

"It's time hit hit you all upside your stupid heads." Jimbo said.

"Couldn't have said it better myself." noted Amazing.

And with a leap toward the Sinister Six, Black yelled the ralling cry.

"CRAWL SPACE AVENGERS..........ASSEMBLE!!!!"

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Stay tuned for the fight! It should be great!

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As Spider-Woman pulled up in front of the CSA Mansion, she heard Black's mighty battle cry, ""CRAWL SPACE AVENGERS..........ASSEMBLE!!!!" She jumped out of the Spider-Mobile (known in her regular secret identity circles as the Hatchback of Doom) and knew it was going to be a rough fight. She crossed her arms across her chest and nodded, a la "I Dream of Jeannie" and ***POOF***, by the magic of Arachne, was dressed for the fray in her new battle suit spider costume. (It magically turned her into every fanboy's dream...a perfect body and a gorgeous head of thick black hair).

"Damn it guys, I'm full of estrogen, I've got PMS and if the Sinister Six are eating my secret stash of chocolate in the pantry, it's full on war!"

The situation did indedd look bleak for her fellow Avengers. Most of the exterior walls had been reduced to rubble and from inside of what remained, she heard Darkfyre's psychotic laughs. The piercing sound of the mansion's alarm system rang over and over through the night air. Spider-Woman threw out her wrist and let a stream of webbing fly (organic web spinners, no less), and caught it on the chimney, the only securely standing structure left on the building. She pulled her wrist webbing taut and leaped into the air, sticking promptly to the bricks.

"Boys, up here! If you're going to play, wait for me!" She called down. "I brought my toys!" In unison, six evil heads whipped in her direction. "Weebles wobble but they don't fall down!" Spider-Woman dropped to the floor from the chimney long enough to get a few sucker punches in against Sandman and Mysterio and sprung back up to the chimney. She was using her webbing like an elastic tether, springing up and down, bitch slapping various members of the six, insulting them more than anything else.

Darkfyre was still trying to recover from the tequila-induced blasts that kept coming out of his body. He kept slapping the Sinister Six on the backs, telling them drunkenly, "Damn man! This is like SO the best damn tequila on earth, man!" He went up to Electro. "Dude, you've gotta try this!"

In disgust, Electro shoved him aside. "I haven't got time for this, you fool!" He aimed an electric blast at Spider-Woman. The blast missed her but brought down the rest of the chimney around them. It was too late for Electro to react when he saw Spider-Woman's secret weapon: 2 water balloon websacks that she had quickly created from leftover rainwater in the mansion's gutters that hadn't been cleaned out yet. They were both coming straight at him.

The websacks hit Electro straight on, short circuiting out his power. As he lay fizzling and twitching on the floor, he moaned, "I'm melting, I'm melting..."

Spider-Woman looked up from her target just in time to yell out, "Spider-K!!! Behind you!!"

"Spider-K, BEHIND YOU!" yelled Spider-Woman.

Just as K turned around, he saw the Hobgoblin flying straight towards him. Spider-K tried to jump out of the way but Hobgoblin was too close and flying too fast. The glider's wing caught K in the gut and instantly knocked him against a badly damaged wall.

"Jimbo," Dave yelled.

Instantly Jimbo ran to Throw himself on top of Spider-K while using his power to increase his size. The wall collapsed just as Jimbo arrived.

All the while, Darkfyre is still throwing out energy blasts and not getting sober.

"Black, what next?" asked Dave.

"Darkfyre's drunken self is a danger to us and himself. We need to stop him without hurting him. But how?"

Dave looked around the chaos. He saw Spider-Woman wrapping Electro up in her webbing and then the idea hit.

"Spider-Woman, tie Darkfyre up!"

"You got it."

Instantly Dave ran to distract Darkfyre so his plan could be put into action. Meanwhile Black was fighting Mysterio and Sandman.

"It's two against one Black." Mysterio said.

"Yeah, I know, you're out numbered."

"We'd better run then." Sandman said.

Mysterio looked at Sandman to ask a question, and that was what Black needed. He jumped and kicked the glass bowl off Mysterio's costume and got a few sucker punches in as well.

"I always knew you were going to lose your head one of these days"

Just then a pumpkin bomb exploded at Black's feet.

"You didn't forget about me did you?" Hobgoblin cackled.

Black laid on the ground without moving. Sandman stood over him and formed his hand into a sharp point.

"Time to die."

Then from over the rubble a sound was heard.

"AAAAGGGGGGGHHHHH"

Coming from the collapsed wall was Jimbo and Spider-K. Jimbo, in Giant Redneck size, picked up a huge section of the wall threw it at Sandman like a frisbee. Spider-K web slinged over and pulled Black to safety.

"Thanks K." Black said.

"No prob, but you owe me a fifth of Cabo."

"Hell, I'll give you all a fifth when this is over."

Just then Doctor Octopus' voice was heard.

"Sinister Six, we have what we came for! Return to base."

"What about Electro?" Sandman asked.

"What about him?" Jemas replied.

Dave the Rave and Spider-Woman came running from the basement.

"Guys, they have the formula! Doc Ock, Vulture and Hobgoblin got the best of us."

Black, almost recovered from the battle thanks to his healing factor, said, "We know. But we still have one ace in the whole."

"What do you mean? The mansion wrecked, Jemas has the formula and Darkfyre is still drunk."

"Jimmy, are you there?" Black asked into his communicator.

"Yes sir."

"Is the War Room safe?"

"Yes, in fact, I just dusted."

"OK, the War Room is safe. We'll make a call to Stark and have him repair the mansion. We'll have Jimmy make some coffe for Darkfyre to help him sober up."

"That doesn't help us though." Spider-Woman said. "And besides, the Sinister Six ate my chocolate!"

"The War Room has a few bars left in it. That should hold you till Jimmy gets back from the store with more. But you all are forgeting something."

"What?" asked Spider-K.

"Who we have." Black said with a sneer.

The Crawl Space Avenger's faces lit up one at a time. They each started to turn and look at Electro, was just coming to.

"Yeah." said Dave.

"What?" asked Electro weakly.

"We have Electro." Dave said.

As the shadow of the CSA's encased Electro, the beaten villian softly spoke.

".......mommyyyy....."

"Let's get him down to the War Room and start extracting information." Spider-K said.

"Better yet," Jimbo said as he picked Electro up, " let me hit him upside his stupid head."

Electro stared to turn white.

"No." Black calmly said with a look in his eye.

"Leave him to me. I have a plan."

At that point, Electro peed in his pants.

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What is Black planning that is scares Electro so bad?

Will Jimbo ever get to hit someone upside their stupid head?

Will Spider-Woman get her chocolate?

Now that the Sinister Six has the cyber margarita formula, is the world doomed to like Byrne?

All these questions will be answered in the next installment.

******************************TO BE CONTINUED*********************

After a couple of hours, and many cups of coffee, Darkfyre was finally sober. Spider-Woman had eaten a couple of Twix bars and was a little happier now. Dave the Rave and Jimbo was preparing the plane for flight while Jimmy was making sandwiches for the team.

Meanwhile, Black was convinceing Electro to give up certain information concerning the cyber margarita formula.

"He's been in there for a while," Spider-Woman commented. "I wonder how it's going."

"Don't talk so loud, my head still hurts." Darkfyre said.

Jimbo walked in, "The jet is almost ready."

Just then the door flew open. Black walked out.

Nobody said a word. "I know where the Sinister Six are." Black deadpaned.

"Where?" Jimbo asked.

Black walked over to the map and pointed. "Here."

"Why...that's the offices of DC." Spider-Woman said in disbelief.

"Right, the Sinister Six are in negoations with DC about a movie and book deal. With Byrne and Jemas on their side, there's no telling what they have planned."

Jimbo then asked, "What does Slip's margarita formula have to do with it?"

"They plan on using it over the internet to affect everyone. We need to drop Electro off and get there to stop them."

Black started walking to the jet while the rest of the team walked into the room and saw Electro crying his eyes out.

"Let's go!" yelled Black from the other room.

On the way the team discussed on how to stop the Six. About 2 miles from the Six's HQ, Jimbo went to activate stealth mode, but instead acciendentaly turn the radio on. The sound of Aerosmith's "Jaded" filled the cockpit.

"Sorry." Jimbo said as he corrected the problem.

Dave programed the jet to fly another mile away after they departed and to return an hour later.

The team landed on the roof.

"OK, Jimbo and Darkfyre, create a distraction and keep them busy while the rest of us make our way in." Black said.

"No problem."

Black, Spider-Woman, and Dave made their way down the air shaft.

They could hear the Six discussing which Backstreet Boy could kick nsync ass.

"This isn't right," Dave said. "I mean villians are to discuss world domination, not this!"

"I know, it's sickening." Spider-woman added.

Just then the Sandman heard something. "What was that?"

"Check the monitors." Jemas said.

"Vulture looked and said "Why it's that Crawl Space Avenger Darkfrye. yelling aboput want to get in.

"Hobgoblin, Vulture, go kill him." Jemas said.

Meanwhile Doc Oct was typing away on the computer. "Almost done." he muttered.

"We have to strike now." Dave said.

"Yeah. But how?" Spider-Woman said.

Black turned and looked at his fellow CSAs. There was a gleam in his eye.

Spider-Woman and Dave knew what he was going to do. "Oh great. The front door. " Dave said. Spider-Woman said, "It's always the front door."

"Where's your sense of adventure?" Black asked. Just then he kicked the panel off and the three heros jumped into action.

Outside, Hobgoblin and Vulture looked at Darkfyre. "You know, you should have joined us when you had the chance."

"But now, We get to kill him Vulture."

Just then another voice said. "How about I hit you upside your stupid heads."

WHACK!!!!!

Just Hobgoblin turn to see Jimbo hit Vulture, he felt his glider get shoved up somewhere. "AAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Jimbo looked, "OOOOOOHHHHHH, I bet that hurt."

"Just a little, now let's join the others!"

Inside the CSAs had their hands full. Black was fighting Doc Ock , Spider-Woman was tackling Mysterio, while Dave was fighting Sandman. Just then Ock had Black pinned, Jemas walked up and pointed something at Black.

"Time to die old friend."

Just then an energy blast knocked the object from his hand and another hit Jemas and then hit Doc Ock.

"DARKFYRE!!" Jemas yelled. "Mysterio! take him!"

But Spider-Woman had used her wife powers to render him useless and Dave had found a water hose to hit Sandy with and had turned him into a mudpie.

"Curses! Foiled again!"

Just as Darkfyre walked up to Jemas to punch him, Jemas pulled out a smoke bomb.

As the smoke cleared, Jemas was gone. "Where is he?" Dave asked.

"No telling." Jimbo said.

The authorities arrived shortly afterward to take the CSA fiends to jail and the CSAs left with the cyber margarita formula safe in their hands. On the way, they recieved word that Doc Ock had escaped too.

"Think he'll team up with Jemas?" Spider-Woman asked.

"I doubt it." Black said.

"Why do you say that?" Dave asked.

"I just know Doc Ock."

"Say," Jimbo chimed in, "How did you ever get Electro to tell you everything?"

"Yeah." the rest of the team asked.

Black smiled and said, "Let's just say that it involved him at a Britney Spears concert screaming like a little girl."

And with that, Black lean back in his seat to take a nap as the rest of the team laughed.