THE
AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #556
TITLE: “The Last Nameless Day”
WRITER: Zeb Wells
PENCILS: Chris Bachalo
INKS: Tim Townsend
COLORS: Antonio Fabela & Chris
Bachalo
PLOT:
The
issue begins with a hilarious scene of Jonah in the hospital and then
shifts to the police station, where Dr. Rabin, the mathematician Spidey
rescued last ish, explains that the Mayan extremists want to kill him
because they think he’s used a mathematical code to commune with their
gods.
Spider-Man,
meanwhile, trudges through the snow because his web fluid froze (last
month the fluid was too thick, and now it’s too cold—is this
Spider-Man or Goldilocks?). He
finds a bum wearing the jacket he discarded earlier.
He takes the coat back but becomes very ashamed and returns it,
opting instead to pack his costume with newspaper.
Nothing in a comic book has ever looked funnier than this.
Spidey’s puffy
appearance doesn’t last long, because a Mayan god appears and
literally beats the stuffing out of him.
The deity asks Spider-Man if he is a priest, and our hero has to
say yes to end the fight.
Once the deity
leaves, our hero frees Rabin’s math team from the back of a truck,
only to learn something shocking from the only surviving member.
Dr. Rabin himself, and not the Mayans, imprisoned them.
Back
at the station, Carlie walks in on Rabin slashing the Mayans in the
holding cell…
THOUGHTS:
…At least I think that was Rabin on the last page, but who can
tell when his beard changes length every page?
If I had to choose one qualm with this issue, I’d say Chris
Bachalo draws a few unclear panels.
Besides that, consider me among the “Bachalo converts.”
His abstract style actually serves as an asset for representing
blizzard-ridden
Spidey’s interaction with Vern, the homeless man, stands out as
a memorable highlight. Besides
being funny (paranoid hobos are always good for a chuckle), Spider-Man
taking his jacket back and his subsequent horror at himself for doing so
reminded me why I love this character.
The past three writers have buried us in dead horses emphasizing
Peter Parker’s human faults, but Zeb Wells does it far more
effectively by remembering there’s an honest-to-goodness hero
under all that frail humanity.
Furthermore, I hope future writers use this issue as a textbook
on how to write Spider-Man’s humor.
Take note, it has more to do with the down-to-Earth way Spidey
reacts to every situation than how many corny wisecracks he can rattle
off in a page. I know I said
Guggenheim nails Spider-Man’s voice, but Wells perfects it.
Also, it seems like a love triangle between Peter, Carlie, and
Vin Gonzales is forming. It’ll
be a long time before I can care about Peter’s inevitably doomed
romantic relationships again, but I’m noting this development because
of how much it surprised me. And
please add Vin to the growing list of characters only Wells has managed
to make likable.
Perhaps ironically, this arc resembles
something Straczynski might have written in the early part of his run.
It has supernatural enemies, a stronger focus on Spider-Man than
on Peter Parker, and a barely-present supporting cast.
For all the effort Marvel put into overhauling Spider-Man, the
best story so far has relied on those changes the least.
FAVORITE
QUOTE:
“Global
warming my Irish butt!”
RATING:
4.5
webheads out of 5. I don’t
remember when an issue of ASM entertained me this much, but I’d
definitely count the time since then in years.
REVIEWED BY: CrazyChris
THE
AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #555
TITLE: “Sometimes It Snows In
April”
WRITER: Zeb Wells
PENCILS: Chris Bachalo
INKS: Tim Townsend
COLORS: Antonio Fabela & Chris
Bachalo
PLOT:
Spidey’s
hanging out at Doctor Strange’s house, munching on Fruit Loot, when
the Sorcerer Supreme goes comatose after reciting a rhyme related to the
freak blizzard sweeping
THOUGHTS:
The snow looks very pretty.
That’s the most striking thing about this comic, and the
pervasive effect almost becomes a character all to itself.
Chris Bachalo has a unique art style, which some say doesn’t
fit the genre, but it works a lot better here than in his recent X-Men
projects. He draws a few
off-model characters, and his Peter Parker looks like a little kid, but
the in-costume action scenes are stunning.
Zeb Wells writes well, presenting a pitch-perfect Spider-Man and eschewing the zaniness of his Peter Parker run from years ago. We get witty dialogue that isn’t corny (I’m looking at you, Marc Guggenheim!), a competent, non-jerk of a protagonist (I’m looking at you, Dan Slott and Bob Gale!) and a satisfying fight sequence (I’m looking at you, every creative team from the past year!).
Wells focuses on the main story without advancing or introducing any subplots. Sadly, the aforementioned main story barely advances, so the issue feels decompressed compared to the previous nine.
The contrast between
Spider-Man and Wolverine has been explored before, but Wells does it in
a relatively clever way. On
the other hand, he ignores the uncomfortable questions raised by the
Canuck Mutant’s appearance. How
has
The
writers can address these types of questions either by providing logical
answers or by admitting Brand New Day pushes the reset button harder
than they’ve led us to believe. Frankly,
I don’t care which they choose, but it won’t be long before their
refusal to do either becomes frustrating.
FAVORITE
QUOTE:
“That’s
a deep personal insight from a man having a beer for breakfast.
You’re not exactly shattering Canadian stereotypes by the
way.”
RATING:
3.5
webheads out of 5. I have a
good feeling about this arc, but Wells needs to ramp up the pace!
REVIEWED BY: CrazyChris
THE
AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #554
TITLE: “Burned!”
WRITER: Bob Gale
PENCILS: Phil Jimenez
INKS: Lanning, Miki, & Jimenez
COLORS: Jeromy Cox
PLOT:
Spider-Man
saves the ungrateful candidate Crowne and chases Freak to a meth lab.
A fire starts, and the blaze quickly consumes the acetone-covered
monster. Peter escapes with
pictures of the whole ordeal, but Bennet uses them to smear Spidey on
the evening news.
Frustrated
by the new managerial style, Spider-Man brings flowers to the old
editor, J. Jonah Jameson. Our
hero lets slip that Marla sold the Bugle during Jonah’s operation, and
this news shocks “old flat top” into cardiac arrest!
Spidey
then visits Doc Connors, who explains that Freak’s mutation will cause
him to resurrect again and again, each time in a more powerfully evolved
form. Luckily, the recent
cold weather should slow Freak’s metamorphosis enough that his cocoon
can be found and neutralized.
THOUGHTS:
I see nothing glaringly offensive in this issue, but it has no
reason to exist. Bob Gale
devoted an unnecessary chunk to explaining Freak’s powers and setting
up his recovery from a fate that probably wouldn’t have changed even
if Spider-Man had not intervened. Stretching
this story into three parts pushed it, but delaying the resolution for a
fourth just shows terrible craftsmanship.
Plenty of fat, like Jonah’s predictable second heart attack,
could have been trimmed to make room for a real ending.
So the problem with the present installment is that it’s
boring, but I have a broader grievance with this whole arc and the Brand
New Day philosophy that relates to Gale and company’s attempt at
bringing the “soap opera” back into Spider-Man by emphasizing Peter
Parker’s bad luck. Peter
complicating his social life by deliberately taking unflattering
pictures of Bill Hollister, the mayoral candidate who is also the father
of Harry’s girlfriend, is certainly soap-operatic, but it eviscerates
the character’s likeability.
There
are multiple ways to convey the “Parker Luck.”
It used to be that Peter’s luck came as a consequence of his
heroic actions; his friends thought him cowardly because he disappeared
whenever trouble arose, and he often missed dates or arrived late to
work because he had to stop a robbery on the way.
This version of the “Parker Luck” strengthened the character
by underscoring his immense secret burden.
Now
Peter’s own bad choices cause his misfortune.
His guilt over eschewing journalistic integrity and betraying his
friends by aiming his camera up Hollister’s nose demonstrates this
interpretation of the “Parker Luck.”
So does Peter losing his webshooter in #546 because he chased the
mugger in civilian garb to get personal credit, and the same could be
said about Jonah having a heart attack because Peter yelled at him at
the least appropriate time.
The
“bad choices” theory of “Parker Luck” has always been a part of
Spider-Man (otherwise Uncle Ben wouldn’t have died), but the current
writers have been using it almost exclusively and the “heroic
choices” version little if at all.
Peter
Parker is an everyman, so he shouldn’t be perfect, but he can’t be
too flawed either. The
majority of us manage to wear underwear in case our pants rip, so we
find it just as difficult to identify with pathetic human failures as it
is to identify with saints. Spider-Man
is only relatable if he makes the kind of mistakes anyone would make.
Like the Lee-Ditko Spidey, I’m probably not Christ-like enough
to prevent the robbery of someone who just screwed me out of money, but
I don’t know anyone who would sell ugly photos of his friend’s dad
and lie about it. There
are people out there like that, though, and we have a word for them:
pricks.
RATING:
1.5
webheads out of 5. I don’t
know whether that number more represents this specific issue or the
general state of the series, but it’s at least a little of both.
REVIEWED BY: CrazyChris
THE
AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #553
TITLE:
“Freak-Out!”
WRITER:
Bob Gale
PENCILS:
Phil Jimenez
INKS: Andy Lanning
COLORS:
Jeromy Cox
PLOT:
Officer
O’Neil shoots Freak in the head without hesitation, causing the
creature to topple into the sewers, where a new cocoon forms around the
temporarily dead monster. Carlie
Cooper grabs a sample of the original cocoon, which Doctor Connors
borrows later.
Bennet
assigns Peter to take unflattering pictures of Bill Hollister, the
mayoral candidate backed by Harry Osborne.
Our hero feels guilty for betraying his friends, but he does the
job because he needs the cash.
Freak
emerges from his pod, now an anthropomorphic sewer rodent.
Swearing revenge on Spider-Man for chasing him into the science
lab where his accident occurred, the grotesque killer tracks the webhead
by scent to a Randall Crowne campaign rally.
Spidey seems to have the fight under control, but his webshooter
jams just as Freak prepares to crush the candidate with a giant
sculpture.
THOUGHTS:
This issue has a
bit of a gimmick, with Bob Gale taking over both the footnotes and the
letters page from Steve Wacker. A
tip for Bob: you don’t need to use footnotes to relay information
that’s already on the recap page.
The letters are a hoot, though.
I like Peter Parker’s inner inventor returning with a new
gadget to help him take better pictures of himself.
Even better, Gale actually writes a few funny lines this time.
I’m also impressed with the creative way Freak’s powers work.
He has a lot of potential as a recurring threat because he can
resurrect in any form at any time.
Clichés tilt the balance back toward mediocrity, however.
I wish Gale had kept emphasizing the drug addict angle since only
that distinguishes Freak from every other goon with a quasi-logical
vendetta against Spider-Man. And
if something goes wrong with Spider-Man’s webshooters in month four,
then I swear I’ll scream. Each
new writer wants his chance to play with the basic toys in his first
month, but that gives the audience a very repetitive reading experience.
Spider-Man’s hesitance to join a fight because of
his fear that the cops will shoot at him seems uncharacteristic, as do
Peter Parker’s nascent paparazzo ethics.
I’m also still baffled by how little Gale’s sleazy Dexter
Bennet resembles the honorable snob Guggenheim introduced.
Phil Jimenez’s art keeps this ship afloat, but even that’s
getting wobbly.
SHAKESPEARE-CALIBER
DIALOGUE:
“Oh, God, I hope he
doesn’t have super-powers. I
hate monsters with super-powers!”
2.5
webheads out of 5. The story
isn’t horrendous, but it’s too flawed to earn my unadulterated
recommendation. Let’s hope
for a truly epic showdown next week.
REVIEWED BY: CrazyChris
THE
AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #552
TITLE: “Just Blame Spider-Man”
WRITER: Bob Gale
PENCILS: Phil Jimenez
INKS: Andy Lanning
COLORS: Jeromy Cox
PLOT:
“Spider-Man: Serial Killer!” reads the latest DB headline.
Mr. Bennet rants about how the Spider-Tracer killings will boost
his paper’s circulation before assigning Peter to cover councilwoman
Parfrey’s funeral. No
press is allowed at the burial, but our hero happily sneaks into the
private affair using his powers. While
he’s there, he sees Harry’s girlfriend Lily Hollister try to
convince her father to replace the dead chick as candidate for mayor.
Later,
a drug addict named Freak filches the donation box at Aunt May’s soup
kitchen. Spidey catches him,
but the thief manages to wriggle free from the webs while our hero deals
with officers Gonzales and O’Neil (the duo from “Swing Shift”,
last year’s Free Comic Book Day issue [now on sale for $3.99]).
Freak accidentally stumbles into Dr. Connors’ laboratory and,
mistaking the place for a meth lab, injects himself with experimental
animal stem cells. This
causes him to mutate into a giant cocoon.
At
the mysterious “Bar With No Name”, the Bookie (also from the FCBD
issue) takes bets from
THOUGHTS:
I’ve never seen more awkward and unreadable dialogue from a
professional writer in my life. I
usually read these things three times before reviewing them, but
groaners like “Uh-oh! Not
good. In fact it’s bad!
Scratch that. It’s
REA
Although it doesn’t stray to far from a formulaic
villain introduction, the central plot is adequate.
However, it pushes the same buttons as almost every other issue
from the past two months. Prepare
for more “Parker Luck” (groan), more of Aunt May fretting over
Peter’s safety (yawn), and more of Dexter Bennet getting names wrong
(somebody just shoot me now). To
bring more depth to month three, Bob Gale could have used the drug theme
as a platform to say something constructive about society’s ills like
Stan Lee did back in issues #96-98.
There’s still time for this to blossom into something as
meaningful, but I’m pessimistic.
The characterization reeks too.
Now, I don’t expect a guy who sells fraudulent pictures of
himself for money to be a paragon of journalistic integrity, but I
don’t like Peter Parker abusing his powers to document a private
burial. That doesn’t seem
to fit in with his responsibility mantra.
Dexter Bennet is even worse.
He’s only been in a few issues, but his brief appearances have
stressed the difference in his managerial style, his attention to the
paper’s quality, and his disinterest in Spider-Man.
Now he’s suddenly portrayed as an even more obnoxious version
of Jonah, right back to slandering Spidey on the front page and ignorant
to basic newspaper elements like font sizes.
I find it sad that the “Braintrust” can’t even keep their
own new characters consistent.
Even
though I don’t recommend actually reading it, you might still buy this
week’s issue for the pretty pictures.
Besides Spider-Man’s ginormous eyes, I almost like Phil
Jimenez’s work more than McNiven’s from month one.
He makes the book feel edgy and alive, and the bright colors are
great too as long as you don’t mind your gritty drug story looking
like a pack of Skittles.
FAVORITE
BACKGROUND BILLBOARD GAG:
“In-Joke: The Musical!”
RATING:
2
webheads out of 5. If I were
a lazy reviewer, I’d make an obvious, predictable joke by using one of
Bob Gale’s own lines against him: “In fact it’s bad!”
Since I’m not lazy, I’m going to make the obvious,
predictable joke AND correct Gale’s punctuation by placing a comma
after the conjunctive adverb.
REVIEWED BY: CrazyChris
THE
AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #551
TITLE: “Lo, There Shall Come A
Menace!!”
WRITER: Marc Guggenheim
ARTIST:
COLORIST: Stephane
PLOT:
Spidey evades the fuzz with Jackpot’s help, and
they direct the pursuit towards the Apollo, where councilwoman Parfrey
screams in Menace’s clutches. An
aerial battle ensues, and a rookie mistake by Jackpot cause’s
Menace’s stray glider to veer into and kill the councilwoman!
Jackpot cries and Menace slinks away.
Last issue, Jackpot revealed her real name was “Sara Ehret”, so Spidey visits Ms. Ehret’s white-pages-listed address to cheer her up. The woman he meets there denies being Jackpot and seems genuinely surprised at Spider-Man’s arrival. When our hero presses her, she says, “I’m sorry but … you really should keep out of this” and shuts Spidey out. The webhead looks perplexed.
THOUGHTS:
The idea for a Mary Jane look-alike super-heroine really insulted me when last year’s Swing Shift introduced it. It reeked of something out of an eleventeen-year-old’s fan fiction, and it also threatened to lose what makes MJ such an interesting supporting character. She completes Peter Parker and keeps him human. Turning her into another clown in tights destroys a lot of what anchors the main character to reality.
Now it looks like Jackpot is someone separate from Mary Jane, or, if she is Mary Jane, then something unexpectedly complicated is going on. I sincerely hope she isn’t Mary Jane, not because I still find the idea insulting, but because Jackpot is such an interesting character on her own merits that I want BOTH her and Mary Jane to be regular fixtures in the series.
Parfrey’s killing shattered Jackpot’s naive romanticism of the Super Hero lifestyle, so she’s the only character to undergo any sort of development since One More Day. Kudos to Guggenheim for injecting some emotion into what has so far been a soulless romp.
Then there’s Menace. Who
is he? Who cares?
I’ve never seen a more generic Spider-Man bad guy.
I wish his first arc did more to establish his personality and
motivations, because Guggenheim gives us nothing to latch onto with this
guy. He doesn’t even seem
like much of a physical threat to Spider-Man.
The
action in this issue would have been more exciting if Larroca had better
conveyed a sense of scope and altitude.
Figures against a plain sky backdrop don’t accomplish that.
Another storytelling glitch occurs when Spidey somehow escapes
between panels from three cops with guns leveled point-blank at his
skull. I wish I knew how he
managed that.
FAVORITE
QUOTE:
SPIDER-MAN:
“I bet Captain
RATING:
3.5
webheads out of 5. The past
three issues didn’t tell a complete story, so I can’t in good
conscience declare this arc better than Slott’s, but I do enjoy
Guggenheim’s writing style more. He
nails Spider-Man’s voice and mannerisms better than pretty much every
other writer from the past decade, and that earns him some credit no
matter how lame his pet villain is.
REVIEWED BY: CrazyChris
THE
AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #550
TITLE: “The Menace of …
Menace!!”
WRITER: Marc Guggenheim
ARTIST:
COLORIST: Stephane
PLOT:
Jackpot reluctantly helps The Blue Shield (some Z-lister
out of a 1981 Dazzler ish) reign in Spidey’s unregistered tuchus, but
the glider-mounted villain Menace interrupts them, making short work of
our hero with a few cheap gimmicks.
Later, Jackpot assists Spider-Man in combing Menace’s layer for
clues. They find blueprints
for the Apollo Theater, the night’s mayoral debate venue.
At the hospital, Jonah rages over Peter’s supposed
verbal assault on him, but he’s oblivious to the Bugle buyout.
Elsewhere, the construction worker whom Spidey saved last issue
conspires with a lawyer to sue the wall-crawler!
Wall-crawlers lead busy lives, so Peter also has to solve the Spider-Tracer Killer case. He meets with the detective running the investigation, and it turns out at least six corpses have turned up with Spider-Tracers. Menace attacks the Apollo Theater, which Spider-Man can see from the distant explosions. He’ll have a tough time getting there while surrounded by NYPD cops who want to question him for murder.
THOUGHTS:
The number of new characters and plots going on at once is getting kind of nuts. I’d hate for Amazing to start giving a bunch of separate storylines minimal airtime each week without significantly advancing any one of them. That hasn’t happened yet, but Brand New Day’s focus is wavering with a clumsier integration of plots. For example, Spider-Man abruptly stops hunting Menace to investigate the Tracer Killer with no clear reason for him to shift his attention. I’m being overly critical here, but the “Spidey Braintrust” has set a high bar with respect to how one story flows into another, and I want to see that level of quality maintained.
I don’t know what to make of Menace. Nothing distinguishes him (or her?) from New York’s half-dozen other glider-riding maniacs, so he’s awfully generic compared to last month’s Mr. Negative. And those horns are butt ugly! Of the other new characters, Detective whatshisname is boring, but the ambulance-chasing Matt Dowd has a sleazy charm. No one is more interesting than Dexter Bennet, however. I didn’t touch on him in the synopsis, but he has a moment that makes one wonder if he isn’t actually a better publisher than Jonah.
Speaking of Jameson,
I hate the way the writing and art portray him as a big baby and not as
the volcanic public crusader we all know.
Guggenheim demonstrates masterful characterization for everyone
else, so that’s my only gripe with the writing, but that’s NOT my
only gripe with the art. I’d
like to blame my displeasure on the faded coloring (are these the
printer problems Steve Wacker mentioned on the February podcast?), but
the faces are so inconsistent that there’s really no excuse for
Larroca not rising to the damn beautiful level he’s achieved before.
If you were hoping for the second coming of Sensational
Spider-Man Annual #1, prepare for disappointment.
FAVORITE
QUOTE:
MENACE:
“You -- !”
SPIDER-MAN:
“Me!”
RATING:
3
webheads out of 5. You’ve
been reading this far, and you have an idea what to expect from a Brand
New Day issue. #550 will
meet but not exceed those expectations.
REVIEWED BY: CrazyChris
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